Potential new man, pros and cons

[Diaryfear]

I'm struggling with this one and I guess if I don't "know" he's probably not for me, but hear me out.

He's a bit odd. Not universally popular, probably talks too much, especially with new people he wants to think well of him, possibly a bit too honest for some people. He's always going to be kind of person who puts his foot in it and shows you up.

I find him kind. Beyond everything I find him kind. He will always tell you what he's thinking, but there's never any malice in it. I don't think he even holds any unkind views.

Once you get to know him he's funny. Really subtly funny and so quick with it. Not "look at me I'm such a laugh" funny, but a quiet amusing remark which gets right to the point.

The same with his intellligence. He's really well informed on all sorts of current affairs and shares his knowledge in a really gentle way, encouraging you to share your views too. Interested to know what you think.

But he's very short, a lot shorter than me, several years younger than me, lives with his parents and doesn't really have a job.

He lives at home because his Dad needs care and his Mum needs support. He was living away until a relationship breakdown a few years ago.

He did have a city job, but gave it up for a better worklife balance and now does this and that when he needs to. He does appear to have money to spend, nice clothes, decent car, nights out, holidays etc. Nothing flash but not broke.

He's not traditionally attractive at all but he does have this amazing twinkly smile when he's looking at or talking about someone or something he's fond of.

So all in he's a wonderful friend I very much look forward to spending time with, but I'm not sure I can overcome the barriers to him being more than that?

Lose? An interesting and fun friend who likes doing things with me.

Gain, I suppose it could be wonderful or it could be all over very quickly

So, I'd arranged to see him for a run this afternoon, but I've had a cough all week and have decided that would be a bad idea because my chest hurts.

He responded to my message instantly, suggesting something altogether less strenuous that still gets me out for some fresh air, and even told me when he'll fit his run in so I don't feel bad about him missing it, but also giving me an easy out if I just don't want to go.

You don't meet people like this every day?

No, you don’t. He sounds lovely and not a sponger at all. Life is not as black and white as some posters seem to think it is.

I think you just see how it goes and don’t put any pressure on yourself. It’s surprising how attraction can grow out of seemingly nowhere. And I know how I’ve felt about certain men in the past. One in particular. If he’d been a foot tall it wouldn’t have stopped me.

Did you choose to just completely ignore the bit where OP said he lives with his parents because he is caring for them?

I think he sounds really nice. Thoughtful. And kindness is something that is always overlooked.

You don’t have to make a decision now, do you? Enjoy each other’s company. Take time to get to know each other. He might decide that he doesn’t really fancy you and you remain good friends. Or in a few weeks time, you could be fighting the urge to rip his clothes off. There’s no need to define anything yet.

There’s more to attraction than looks and if you start a sexual relationship and find compatibility there as well as your friendship, attraction flows. If you like his twinkly smile, imagine how lovely that will be when he flashes it after your first kiss.

Go for it. Friendship is the basis of all great romantic partnerships.

Talks too much and puts his foot in it would put me off, personally, as I've had one of those and it could be excruciating.

I think you're trying to convince yourself that you could love this man. Not sure that would bode well for a long term relationship

Have you posted about him before? This is ringing bells.

I would hold for for a while, OP. I met a man like this (only taller, so not the same one), he was excitingly spontaneous, talked a lot, very well read in subjects he was interested in etc etc. I actually married him...

But in his case the spontaneity and interest in things was autism. He upped and left me one day because he'd decided that he wanted something different and I was boring. He had literally no idea that this would break me completely because I'd adored him.

So I'd just say, be wary. But then that could be my experience colouring my advice, because it took me YEARS to get over what I had thought was the perfect man (for me anyway, he'd have annoyed the hell out of many people!)

You are trying to talk yourself into a relationship - it should't take this much convincing.

Sounds like he might make a good friend, leave it at that.