I don't know how to say no

[Porlocks]

I'm really struggling with feeling overwhelmed at the minute. I have a full on, stressful job which takes over weekends and evenings, elderly parents who take up a lot of time and small children too. I'm also lucky to have several really good friends, which I am very grateful for, but I find it so hard to manage finding time for everything.

Just recently, some new friends from various situations have started to message about meeting up, and I want to do this, but I never seem to have any time. I did tell one colleague that it'd be nice to meet for coffee this week, but she's just reminded me of this and I can't think when I can fit it in. I could, at a push, squeeze it in somewhere, but it's another lot of rushing around in the same day before all the other things I have to do.

I just don't want to offend anyone by saying no, and I suppose, pitifully, I don't want to end up alone and friendless because I've not made an effort. I always seem to be the one travelling to meet too - this new friend lives forty minutes away, and I think she'll want me to go there. I just feel so exhausted.

Now I've written this I can see how ungrateful I sound, but I just feel a bit burnt out and I sort of want to go to bed and stay there. I don't really have a question - I just wanted to rant about how I feel.

This isn't really a saying no problem is it. You do actually want to meet your friends? It's just that you are too busy right now. Apologise with effusive regret.

But also tackle the lifestyle issues. If you are unable to see your friends at all long-term, you will eventually lose them. Is the job and caring responsibilities worth losing your friends? Maybe yes, if you can't change anything, and you'll have to make peace with that. But if you are working more than set hours because you never say no at work, tackle that. If you are caring for parents who won't countenance a carer they can perfectly well afford but are happy for you to run yourself ragged, tackle that. You can't do much about your kids though!

Honestly, it's just practice, and those who take offence aren't actually friends they're just passers by in the same ecosystem (which isn't the same thing).

Hi xx, to be honest I'm a bit overwhelmed and over committed at the moment, would it be ok to take a rain check until yy?

Why does the job take over evenings and weekends? Are you amply rewarded for this? Do you love the work? What would happen if you just worked your contracted hours then clocked off and ignored work until your next shift?

I think this is the key. You have no work-life balance. Remember, nobody on their death-bed says "I wish I'd spent more time at work."

Do you wfh? I'm assuming you do, otherwise you'd be able to schedule coffee/lunch during the day every now and again.
It is really important for your mental health to have some connection with friends, and some time off duty.
Maybe there are ways you can find some extra time... meet up with more than one person at a time, meeting up on your way to or from something, asking friends to come to you rather than you travelling to them, or meeting halfway. If you have a partner maybe they could do childcare duties on a regular day so you know you always have Wednesday ( or whatever day) after work to meet up with people. Don't feel guilty at carving out a little time for yourself. Going to bed is the easy option, but it won't refresh you as much as doing something fun for an hour or 2.
Is your perception of other people's expectation an issue? I'm wondering why you think your new friend would be expecting you to travel to them rather than than vice versa, why there is no mention in your post of any help with any of your caring responsibilities.