What makes a ‘spoiled’ child

[LilibetMannis]

Inspired by another thread.

I was the epitome of a spoiled child if we go by material gifts.

My grandfather bought me everything I could have ever asked for, even things I didn’t ask for.

He was a wealthy man and wanted to make my childhood wonderful. I had five horses, a car by the age of 11 to practice on his land, a heated ‘proper’ swimming pool, I never wanted for anything. I had a dirt motorcycle, petrol powered go-karts and he built me a fort. I wanted rabbits, he bought two of the most beautiful black and tan bunnies. He was generous with money, always gave me money when I saw him.

But he instilled in me hard work and kindness. I saw how he treated people, he demanded respect, but he gave respect. He worked really hard and he gave back to his employees. When he retired and sold his business he financially rewarded his employees, giving them a big enough share of his profits so they could go and start their own businesses. He was an amazing role model. He made me want to work hard, want to achieve, want to be a good person, want to be kind to others, and I never wanted to disappoint him. I always wanted to make him proud.

He spoiled me, but never ever let me be spoiled. I recognised how fortunate I was.

He died of cancer shortly after I turned 21. I still miss him terribly over twenty years on.

I can honestly say that I never bullied anyone. I was well behaved in school, perhaps even a bit of a nerd. Someone tried to bully me, but I stuck up for myself so that didn't last long. I was kind to people. I was good for my parents, did chores. I worked weekends from 14 and eventually right through university. I didn’t take days off. I was always sensible and responsible.

So I don’t believe children can be spoiled with material things. I think that’s down to the values you instill in them. Whether you let them do as they please and what you let them get away with.

I believe a ‘spoiled’ child is one who has no respect for others. Who ignores what they are reasonably asked to do. Who is cruel to others, who bullies. Who doesn’t listen to people in authority and ignores consequences. They can be poor and have nothing, but behave in a spoiled and selfish manner, thinking of no one but themselves. They have been raised to think they are special, or raised to think that no one has the right to ask anything of them. Their parents fear their reactions.

Spoiled children can also be rich, mean, disrespectful etc.

So it’s not about the wealth, it’s about the attitude.

By having no boundaries. By allowing them to behave as they please and do as they please at all times with no interest for the consequences on others. Allowing them to believe that their whims and want are more important than anything else.
Never saying no.
Always excusing their behaviour or bad choices as someone else’s fault.

I see spoiled as being devoid of any gratitude for what you have and taking it for granted.

I went to school with several girls who were actually nice enough people but incredibly spoiled....I know it might sound odd but i actually think it has it's benefits. The girls I knew like this ended up having amazing lives...I think it gave them very high expectations and they never settled for second best as adults.

I believe a ‘spoiled’ child is one who has no respect for others. Who ignores what they are reasonably asked to do. Who is cruel to others, who bullies. Who doesn’t listen to people in authority and ignores consequences

I wouldn't call this spoiled...I'd just call it bad behaviour and being brought up with no boundaries

Spoiled would be... asking for the rabbits, then having a tantrum because they are the wrong colour and neglecting them.
Or crashing the car deliberately and wanting a new one

Spoiled is always expecting to get your own way or get what you want and not being accepting of it when that doesn't happen. Also not being grateful for things. A child can come from a very wealthy family within being spoiled, likewise it's possible to be poor and spoiled.

Rarely hearing no, and having no turn to yes if they throw a tantrum, results in a spoiled child.

What a wonderful childhood and wonderful grandfather! :-) lovely to read about.

Spoiled is not taking responsibility in your own life, expecting other people to act for you, sulking when things don't go your way.
Having material things is neither here nor there. Do you value and look after them, thank the giver etc?
As someone said, a spoiled person is one who can't see another's perspective or needs and expects the world to revolve around their needs

Your granda sounds amazing and you sound lovely tbf.

I had a very different upbringing to you as we were as poor as church mice. Like you though, I had parents who instilled a good work ethic, respect and love. It was the most valuable of anything that could be given (you were lucky as you had both). I agree that spoiled kids have little respect - I am a high school teacher and there are very many kids like this. I believe it's a combination of having everything instantly and parents who don't have time - the old ignorance and want idea - they get everything they want but are ignorant of others. Not all teens are like this but lots are - they know mummy and daddy will defend them for their poor choices.

I agree with your definition.

All of this.

I think generally “spoilt” behaviour stems from unmet needs (lack of boundaries, lack of parental connection, some sort of childhood trauma etc) but is blamed on being materially spoilt as that’s the easiest and nearest thing to blame. This is what I see when I look at my DS’s friends anyway. It doesn’t excuse the behaviour of course but means that giving a child a lot of material possessions doesn't necessarily cause a nasty/unkind child imo.