Halloween for kids with severe anxiety

[KeepingGoingOneDayAtATime]

Hi,

My son has totally crippling anxiety about halloween (and life in general - he's out of school with an EHCP because of it.)

I wish we could defeat that anxiety around halloween because it totally dominates the whole of October in our house.

I wondered - do you think it would work if I put a sign up in our front window that says (Nice costumes only here please. Any horror costumes will get a bucket of water thrown over them. You have been warned!"

It would be so nice if we could have a halloween entirely with just kids dressed as cats and owls, like in the old days. Poor DS is totally bricking it as usual and it's such a waste of energy for the whole family.

Any ideas would be appreciated.

Why have trick or treaters? Put it in sign saying no trick or treaters.

You don't need to do halloween. Plenty don't.

Why do you have to do it all? issues or not there is no need

But no way would I put that sign regardless

That wouldn't work.
Just don't participate if his anxiety is that bad..

I take mine away if I can. Staying at grandparents this week. We’re going to have a (very small!) garden bonfire and eat marshmallows (that he won’t toast).
Other years we’ve just not put a pumpkin out so no visitors round our way.
He did manage to dress up one year and went with a nice friend.
How old? Can he avoid the Halloween aisle in shops?

Just don't answer the door

What is he anxious about? If it's people coming to the door, just ignore them. We generally do. We're going out for dinner tomorrow night at prime trick or treating time so we don't have to answer the door.

This. No decorations and you shouldn't get any trick or treaters. If anyone knocks don't answer. Have something nice on TV. It's not compulsory.

Draw the curtains, turn off the outside lights and have a cosy movie night. Ignore Halloween. Not everyone does it. If there's no lights on and no pumpkin outside then that's a sign you're not taking part.

Alternatively leave a tub of sweets on doorstep with note saying help yourself but please don't knock/ring if tub is empty.

The convention round here is that houses with obvious Halloween decorations are welcoming trick or treaters and those without are left alone.

If he knows that no one will come to the house that might help?

Just don’t put any Halloween decorations outside so you don’t get trick or treaters. DD1 is very anxious, we’re teaching her both how to manage her anxiety (with help from a children’s mental health charity and NHS counselling service) and how to work out how to manage her mental health ‘spoons’. Some things are worth the stress and others aren’t. If Halloween is causing this level of anxiety then find somw thing different for the night eg film night, family board games - whatever is good for him.

What people think are "nice" costumes will vary massively.

Could you go somewhere where it doesn't happen for a bit? I'm in a small town, on a fairly central main street, and it's just not a thing here. It does seem to be in the suburbs. We'd happily have people round to do nice Halloween activities like biscuit decorating or something.

Otherwise can you just ignore the whole thing? If you don't decorate, people shouldn't knock, but you could also put a sign on the door.

It's not worth spending a whole month feeling anxious about this.

Why are you participating in it at all?

I used to have a little party at the house for my 2 and their cousin and they could each bring a friend. I decorated the house and we played games, had spooky food etc. And they loved it. We did it up until they were about 16!! I would say just do what your son can cope with. If you want people to come to the door you have to put a pumpkin in the front garden or similar, but then anyone can knock. You could just ask friends to pop by and not have an open door. The other thing is blue pumpkin baskets are supposed to identify asd. It's a thing in the US but not so well known here. Ivwill find a link

That sign is pretty pointless. 1) who decides what is a "nice" costume? 2) you're not actually going to throw buckets of water over anybody.

Just either leave your house in darkness or have a sign saying "no trick or treaters." And don't answer the door to anyone who chances it.

I think your nostalgia is a bit rose-tinted though, we had teenagers in Scream masks 25 years ago when I was still living with my parents! Trick or treat is much more popular now than it was then, but there have always been scary costumes.

Here is info about the blue pumpkin

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/ce7jlz09j9ko.amp

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Blue-Pumpkin-Bucket-Halloween-Autism/dp/B09SPVN99M

Another one that doesn’t understand why you can’t just ignore it all. We don’t participate in trick or treating at all.

Maybe her other kids want to do it

As others have said - just don't do anything for Halloween.
Don't decorate outside. Have a sign on your door saying not to knock (you can usually download an official one from your local council or police website).
Don't answer the door if anyone does knock.

Of course you can’t put a sign like that but it is perfectly fine for your house not to participate. Or, if you want to be neighbourly, you can put candies out on a table at the end of you walkway with a sign saying please don’t knock or ring at our house but feel free to take a candy.

Well I’d say no to all of them if it was causing this much anxiety to one of them.

Go out
We don’t do Halloween for a number of reasons and are planning on being out the house tomorrow night.

Since my DD became crippled by anxiety we haven't 'done' Halloween for trick or treaters. It isn't the costumes for her but the random germ ridden children at our doorstep.

So we just keep lights off and don't decorate outside. We still have a carved pumpkin inside and we buy her Halloween sweets.

www.dorset.police.uk/halloween www.dorset.police.uk/halloween]]]]
This is the page from our local Police, with printable signs if you don't want trick or treaters calling.

A bucket of water? I can guaranteed you’d have a few people out for revenge on you. Either you’re in or out. Maybe the rest of your family needs to be the ones to accommodate ds or your ds maybe needs someone to manage his expectations on Halloween?

And we have no idea how much the other children's lives are impacted in other ways by this child's anxiety. Can they go to theme parks? Cinemas? Travel on public transport? Attend parties or friends' houses? And on and on. So it isn't necessarily so easy to say that other children should lose out. This mum wants solutions, obviously she knows she doesn't have to do anything, but that's not what she wants.