If you just stopped doing everything, what happened?

[Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon]

Every bastard day I collect up other people’s shite in my house.
Every surface, floor, sofa is littered with other people’s crap.
Every day to keep on top of it all, I collect it up and return it all to where it all belongs.

I’ve been out with work today. Came in and tripped over about 5 pairs of shoes in the hallway NEXT to the shoe cabinets.
the dining room table is full of crap and dirty with spilled gravy from their lunch. Not wiped up.
my snug is full of cat food boxes, new cat litter next to the large plastic box where it usually lives. The sofa has football kits piled up on it.
every radiator has crap on them drying. Been on there for 4 days now.
coffee table in the living room is piled with all kinds of crap that hasn’t been put away.
There’s dirty clothes on the floor in the living room, been there since Sunday.
every surface in the kitchen has crap piled up, not wiped, crumbs, plates, empty cups, milk bottles just left there.
Dishwasher is full of clean dishes.

I want to:
A) gather it all into black bin bags and put it out for the bins
B) leave it. Just leave it to pile up and pile up and pile up.

I am too embarrassed to have anyone over, even for a coffee. I am sick to the back fucking teeth battling this day in day out.
I can’t sit down without moving shite, can’t use my dining room table or coffee table because of the crap piled up.

It’s DH & one older child, other one is tidy and never home.
Mortified that bil apparently came over today and saw the house in such a mess.

Have any of you just stopped? How bad did it get? How did you cope?
What happened?

Get a cleaner. It is worth all your savings. Then charge the people who don't tidy up after themselves.

You are actually a hero in my eyes for taking this stand. Fuck knows how it’ll pan out for you. You could be up to your eyes in plates left next to the dishwasher by tomorrow.

why not go and check in a travel lodge for a night to really set the cat amongst the pigeons.

Some men can't see what you do, but they can see money being spent.

100% get a cleaner and make DH pay his share.

Whose stuff is it? Why are you clearing it up? Is it kids mess or a partner's?

I hate clutter, it causes too much stress.
I just have things out that I need and use daily
When I've finished with it, put it back where it lives. I clean the kitchen properly once in the evening, there's always a few things on the kitchen table at the end of the day, it takes two minutes to put it away.

Biggest problem I have is dust that gets everywhere.

After having DD I did practically no housework for 2 months. It was pretty bad but we all mucked in and got it spick and span over the weekend. Then just tried to keep on top of it. If you can afford a cleaner do it. At the moment you are doing work for free, people will take notice if their messiness comes at a cost. (Plus that way you aren't living in a shit hole).

Sorry, I know I'm not being helpful. It's sounds like other people are being very disrespectful towards you and their environment.

No one would do the washing up so I left it. Teenage sons soon did it when they had no clean bowls for breakfast 😁

I went on strike and we had a cleaner turn up a week later. She’s cheaper than I would charge.

I haven't just stopped but have thought about it.... I don't think any of my family realise what I do at all.... They are literally blind to it. I agree how hard is it to put shoes away, washing into not next to the laundry basket.... the list goes on and on and on. I swear mine think we have a cleaning fairy.

I have no answer. I looked a cleaners but they are extortionate. I used one once when I was post surgery. I found a couple of hours twice a week just wasn't enough to keep on top of things. Long term it would be so expensive :(

I know friends that live blissfully with gardeners and cleaners. Seeming like they are domestic goddesses but actually they just pay the nose for it (lucky!)

I'm sorry it's rubbish and sure your BIL didn't bat an eye.

I have low standards, and do the bare minimum, but I would lose the plot over that..

I didn't even stop doing much - just let him do his own car insurance, take it for MOT (I still did service and tyres), I did stop doing any washing that wasn't in the washing bin, asked him to cook for the kids, and sometimes I didn't remind him it was bed time or time to get up - and that was apparently enough that he felt justified to start working away more and having an affair when he was back home.

At least with just me and the kids I'm able train the kids to be not too terrible.

YMMV...

Urgh ive been having the exact same thoughts this week. Most people are saying get a cleaner... but that doesn't help with the day to day mess that comes from family members relentlessly not tidying up after themselves.

Hmm. Just had a convo with oldest child (21) who is the tidy and clean one, always cleans up after himself.
Told him I’m on strike so bless him, he just went round cleaning and clearing.

Good as gold that one, I’ve brought him up well… one determination.. he will make someone a good partner. He will never ever expect anyone to do anything for him. Self sufficient and pulls his weight.

DH on the other hand was bought up traditionally, lazy arsed dad, mum leading a dogs life doing everything for everyone because that was her job.
I thought I had succeeded in stopping that right there years ago but it’s crept on. Influencing the little one (12)
DH has hoarding tendencies unfortunately.
Only plus is he is completely hands on with the kids. Totally devoted to them.

Well count your blessings op, it's good that your husband is Hands-On with the kids and devoted as well.

Although that doesn't help when you look around and see things piled on top of things that you need to access, and in the way so you can't even get in the door mess piled everywhere.
That's a really crap way to greet you when you come in the door tired from work and having to get the tea ready.

I think I might be inclined to gather up all the stuff, take it to a room that isn't used as much or where there's some space ,and dump it all in a humongous pile, and next time somebody wants something let them rummage through the pile to find it.

Get a crap bag. Anything that is not put away goes into the bag. 😂

Same here. I don’t think a cleaner is the answer as they’d struggle to get past all the mounds of rubbish and crap (socks, plates, hairbrushes, books, bits of homework, craft items, literal actual rubbish) before any cleaning could get done :(
why can’t anyone pick anything up????

“why not go and check in a travel lodge for a night to really set the cat amongst the pigeons”

do it, OP xx

Pop it all into a wheely-bin liner and dump it in a room / shed/ garage. Keep adding crap as and when required. When full start a new one.

Then when someone’s looking for shoes / football kit / whatever you can point them in the general direction and let them rummage through the crap for themselves.

Remove all decent dishes and replace with disposable paper plates etc. Dump any dirty ones left lying around in aforementioned wheely bin liner.

I haven't washed DHs Clothes in 3 Weeks, every few days he scrapes the pile of them from the floor next to his bed and throws the lot in the washing basket.
The last time he did a wash was his football team's kit x4 weeks ago, Otherwise he hasn't done a single piece of washing in our house (with x3 DCs) for 6 months.
So I'm on strike from his washing, so so petty but I feel great satisfaction that very soon he will be running out of socks, pants and everything really.

The house got filthy.
It is still filthy, but I have adjusted to it.
Been like this a few years now.
I clean/tidy what I want when I want, and I don't do anything I don't want to do.

Helps no DC at home, so just DH and me.
He sometimes makes a comment like 'that shower needs cleaning'. I ignore it. Eventually he will clean the shower.

I do as much as him, but absolutely no more.

What happens:
Well I can tell you from first hand experience. The crap continues to build, piles become mountains and a job that would have taken half an hour originally, will now take several months, because there is never enough hours in the day to complete the task.
The problem is you dh doesn't see it and or it doesn't bother him, so it's an issue for you (I mean it's not obviously, it's depressing and soul destroying living in a shit hole, but you won't change him OP, so it's a case of would you rather separate or carry on, or get a cleaner, although I'm not sure a cleaner will help with the piles).
But yes it's crap and breeds resentment when one half isn't pulling their weight.

What happens will depend a hell of a lot on your dh.

From first hand experience (had to stop due to ill health), it took A Long Time for dh to realise and then he did the minimum for years.
Things pilled up on the table, bedsheet not changed etc….
And neither dh, nor my dcs were anywhere near as bad as what you describe.

Took YEARS for dh to actually properly step up. And all the while he refused to have a cleaner too…. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
Its been very hard

I refuse to live in a filthy home. I refuse to allow my child to live in a filthy home.

I will make a point that will be ignored, but black bin bags will come out in weeks to come. Those will get a good point across when they are looking for their crap.

A cleaner can do big jobs (hang laundry, scrub baths and toilets, wash down the patio etc.). They cannot make up for day to day messiness in between (leaving dirty things on the floor, on surfaces, failing to do laundry in between cleaner visits) unless you are living in Dubai and have a full time live in maid on hand at all times! Cleaners also cannot declutter, only the owners of the stuff can really do that. Many cleaners will not do things like cat litter.

I mean, consider getting a cleaner but a lot of other stuff needs to be sorted out in addition to this.

May many blessings fall on the head of your 21 year-old. What a diamond.