Begging, what should we have done?

[Icedbear]

Friends and I were in a takeaway at the end of a night out waiting a really long time for our food

A woman came in asking the staff for food, which was declined and she was asked to leave. She was clearly "on something", painfully thin and looked unwell, but she didn't look homeless. She was clean, her hair was highlighted. She sat on the floor and cried for a bit, then became quite aggressive.

She was obviously in need of help, but we didn't give her any. Cash wasn't going to help her and it seemed unfair to the business owner to encourage her to hang around his premises in the hope of some free food.

Otoh, I don't begrudge anyone a bag of chips, regardless of what caused them to be in need.

What would you have done?

I would have stayed out of it honestly

I would have asked her what she wanted to eat and drink and bought it for her.

Greggs do gift cards. I buy a number of £5 cards and carry them around. When I see someone begging or homeless I give them a card. It means they can have a hot drink and something to eat, without me having to carry cash (which I seldom do) or funding a drug habit.

In your situation OP I'd have bought her some food. But I'm not saying you did the wrong thing at all, and I like it that you were thoughtful of the owner's wishes.

DH has been known to take someone to McDonalds and then have a burger with him at the table. He says the human contact and treating the person as a human is as important as the meal. He's a better person than me.

That's distressing.

I remember being in a pub many years ago and a woman in her 40s slipping in the door. She was quite shabbily dressed. She sat herself down at a table near the door where there were some dead drinks on it. And started drinking one. Not in a desperate alcoholic way but in the manner of someone who was imagining herself out for an evening socialising. And the staff were straight over and turfed her out the door. Seemed she was doing no harm but presumably she had form for doing it. I've never forgotten that and how awful I felt for that woman. How sorry for her.

So in the incident you described I would have been very tempted to buy the woman some food and given it to her to eat outside.

I did seriously consider buying her food but I couldn't think how I'd get her to leave the shop without her following us to our hotel nearby. And she was quite scary, although I guess probably harmess, she was being aggressive.

I don't think you did anything wrong

She had already been asked to leave by the staff so if you had then offered to buy her food this would have resulting in her remaining on the premises against their wishes

I would suspect that she does it quite frequently and people buy her food. So you were right to ignore it.

If you're feeling guilty then donate the money you would have spent on getting her food to the local food bank, or homeless centre.

When I was at uni there was a lady did a frequent "oh no my purse has been stolen/I forgot my purse and my poor babies will starve" with full hysterics at the till.
9 times out of 10 someone stepped up and paid for her, and if the shop staff said anything about it being an act they were verbally abused.

In some situations I have bought people food, but tbh you can only go with your gut- if they were asking her to leave, especially as you say she was being aggressive, and you then bought her some food it could have made the situation worse for the staff. Don’t worry.

She was just high and ran out of money so wandering around demanding food and being aggressive. I doubt she went off to sleep on the streets. I’d have ignored her.

Speaking from experience, no matter how noble your intentions are, this is one you want to sit out. An offering for help could backfire in the most unexpected way.
If you really feel compelled to do something about it, make sure you are not on your own.

You and your DH sound like amazingly kind people, I feel inspired.

DD works in a food business, they get the same handful of faces in begging for premium food items every day / several times a week and sometimes being aggressive, offensive or abusive to staff and customers. (Rest assured that polite and genuinely hungry people are given a cup of tea and a bap.
I think you did right to stay out of it as it's between the shop and the person. They know their customers best.

This is a really good idea

Why do you say cash wouldn’t help her?

I sometimes give women begging money. Chances are it will go on drugs, but at least it’s one fewer blow job or theft they’ll have to do to get their fix.

I also regularly offer to get food for people begging outside supermarkets, but the Greggs gift card idea is a really good one.

I do occasionally buy food or drink for people who seem in need but in this case, I think you did the right thing to stay out of it, partly because the staff had asked her to leave and partly because she became aggressive.