To find my parents odd

[RustyandDusty]

Anyone else? I'm 30s they are 70s. Mainly my mum has always been odd. When we were little she was asleep on the couch all the time, very sharp and blatantly unhappy. Everyone was scared of her. As we got older i found her quite fake. She'd never say what she obviously thought. If anything ever happened it'd be ' don't get involved' and what will people think. Very paranoid about what people thought. She was quite awful. However I was conditioned to tell her everything and like a fool I did. Whatever I told her was twisted and always my fault and I had to apologise or else what would people think. Anyone else's parents odd?

Anyone?

Yes, mine are odd. I was never supported emotionally or taught about how to be respected in relationships then they wonder why I went from one car crash to another.

Now, they are poorly and need help so I look after them. And they seem to be surprised. Of course I will take care of them - they're my parents.

I don’t know if I would use the word odd I have much worse ones for my mother who was exactly as you describe. I was her whipping boy for 70 years. The day she died, I felt I had been let out of prison. Unfortunately I then had my awful stepfather 5 years.

She sounded depressed at the very least. I'm sorry you had an unhappy childhood OP.

I'm sure most of us could say that our parents had their oddities and quirks.

Mine were odd about not allowing us to be called by shortened versions of our names, despite never being known by their full names themselves.

Were they ones for "keeping up appearances?" Perhaps to some extent as my father tried to pretend that we were vestal virgins up until the days we both married.

Yours sounds much more extreme though.

Yes my mum was depressed. I am also but don't treat my child the way I was

My mum was, definitely. A completely different person in company from how she was with me, and obsessed with what the neighbours thought.
I have tried not to have any of her traits

She sounds abusive

I am 64 and my mum is 85. I might be wrong but I don’t find it helpful to keep looking back. I don’t agree with many decisions my mum made but then remember she was a young woman I didn’t know living in a world I didn’t know. I never compare her behaviour towards me to mine with my children because when she was a young mother it was a very different world.

She didn’t treat me with the love I do for my children because she lived at a different time.

Yeah my mum was/is odd. Never told me she loves me ever. Completely devoid of any emotion. Would never even think to go to her for emotional support or to talk things through. Not the way I am with my children at all

That’s true.
Its also true that some stuff is always true regardless of the area
Eg being emotionally available was possible then and now

I know my parents were not emotionally available but my gran was. So it wasn’t a generational issue

Fair enough. I do think it has shaped me partly into who I am though. As everyone childhood does