Do you know anyone that pretends to be stupid for attention?

[Santaslittlehelper83]

Light hearted thread really.....My MIL does this and I can't get my head around it. She's early 60's, in good health and holds down a professional role. I know people with think 'how do you know She's not really stupid', but it's so fake and obviously an attention thing....she does the whole tinkly fake laugh and 'oh what am I like' lol! Examples have been saying the wrong thing like calling it 'Facelift' instead of Facebook, putting on odd shoes or wearing clothes inside out. Me and DH ignore it now and refuse to pander to the whole thing. I've never known anyone to pretend to be like this...anyone else? She does other crazy shit for attention...feigning illness etc, but I've come across that sort of thing before.

Yes, I don’t think it’s that uncommon. Some women think men find intelligence and wide knowledge a turn off and perform stupidity with the idea it renders them more attractive. Or it’s a kind of performed helplessness to get other people to do things for them. This skews more male — I’ve lost count of the number of senior male colleagues who pretend they can’t use Excel, poor old dopey me, can anyone help?

My SIL told us she has a pet rock. I can't take her seriously now.

Weaponised incompetence is one thing if she is trying to avoid doing something herself. But even I'm known for saying 'okay stupid question time!! then ask the question because I genuinely do not know the answer or how to do something.
I grew up on there's never a stupid question just the stupid person who didn't ask the question in the first place!!

Yes and it’s always been women and always around men. I used to work in an office where a number of women would do this starting giggling taking in silly little voices I could never understand why it didn’t make them look cute it makes them look stupid

There's always one who doesn't read the OP because their soap box is too high 🙄

I worse odd socks for a while, it was an OCD thing.

@AutumnLeaves24 I have a similar sock policy, I think - as long as they're from the same set, I'll pair siblings, not necessarily twins! Nobody ever sees my socks, generally, so I don't care if they match or not!

I do also have a few sets of Oddsocks, which I love.

I think I'm just a bit thick so 🤷. I have really trouble processing instructions so I'm always asking stupid questions or being confused. I also have two children and work full time as a primary school teacher so I've got about 20,000 things to do or remember a day. Too much information for my brain!

Weaponised incompetence drives me insane. The amount of additional work I ended up doing in a previous job because I'd show someone how to do something and they'd say "oh you're so good at it, we know who to ask now" - and then refuse to do it because it's my "area of expertise" forever after. I didn't feel able to challenge it as a 22 year old but I wouldn't put up with it now.

That’s all well and good but if your fibromyalgia does affect your professional role then keeping it private will impact you and nobody else. You will be judged on your performance because your colleagues are not mind readers.

My dm is 89.
Only just starting to struggle with tech and new appliances.
People can learn if they want to they’re just happier putting on someone else.

My daughter’s new girlfriend is driving me nuts with her “aren’t I silly “ dizzy blond act. She’s bright and has a nice personality outward going but then does this “ silly me I can’t even lock this door, would someone help me “ flutter of eyelashes and all sweet 🙄.

honestly I asked her the other day to pass me a teaspoon out of the draw and she asked which spoon is for tea ! And gave me a soup spoon with a giggle

I worked with a woman who behaved in this way. Always told improbable stories against herself in that ‘oh! What am I liiike!! Could only happen to me!’ They were absolutely such ridiculous stories eg she was busy doing her housework one day, noticed a bird sitting on her tv, thought ‘I can’t remember that ornament’ lifted it up to dust, got such a fright when it flew around her living room….🙈 and that was not the most memorable, believe me!

I read it.

And then I tried to put myself in the position of the MIL - person who's "... early 60's, in good health and holds down a professional role" and I wondered - as someone who could be similarly described - why she would open herself up to ridicule (at least by the OP, and probably others) by deliberately putting on odd shoes or wearing clothes inside out and what would it take for me to do the same.

I have a good imagination but I couldn't imagine doing it. Could you? What level of attention seeking would you need to go to and why?

Therefore I think it's reasonable to assume there's something quite badly wrong with this woman.

#climbs off soapbox

Yip, she does it all the time. She does know about sandwich shops, crap telly, sunshine holidays etc but she pretends to be wildly confused because SURELY nobody would do THAT etc etc.

Your Mum is your mum, she's not 'everyone'
& she's lucky.

I'm 55 & struggling. I used to have a brilliant memory for numbers, just in general. Now I don't. I used to be able to do tech things easily. I used to teach tech to adults. I couldn't understand why people found these things so difficult.

but now I do.

its fucking awful. I can't remember stuff (simple stuff like the new neighbours names when she'd only just told me. Ordinary names I'm familiar with.

heigh & width of a cabinet I was looking up on another tab.

im not sure if the 'brain fog' (if that's what it is) is the result of menopause or something else, but I know it's real.

but it's certainly real & abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING to do with 'wanting' to put stuff on others or 'learned incompetence'

so people can fuck off with saying that.

@User37482

could you try to explain how odd socks are related to OCD.

@AutumnLeaves24 I hear you, it's so patronising when people assume we are pretending, but I probably thought the same when I was younger.

Nothing light-hearted about this post at all - it's rather cruel
And the putting clothes on inside out, odd shoes, etc may be a sign of eary-onset dementia, particularly if relatively new behaviour

I worked somewhere where we had to deal with residents/house monies on a daily basis, making sure all the totals were correct and receipts tallied. We had an older, male member of staff who was totally competent in everything else. But when it came to monies, he fucked up all the time. Time after time, I used to follow him and spend hours pulling my hair out looking for lost or extra money! If he was ever pulled up by our manager, for entering the amounts in the books incorrectly, he would suddenly switch to the silly tinkly giggle, the hand flap, eye roll "What am I like?" It was the only time he ever behaved like that and as he constantly fucked up, it happened often. So no, it's not just a female thing!
I have a female friend who also displays this kind of behaviour. But in the way that everything seems like a massive effort for her to think about, or organise. And always in front of my husband! She mentions things that I know she knows how to do, but in a "I'm really thick, I need a knight in shining armour" kind of way. So of course, my husband jumps in, offering all sorts of help! I just roll my eyes now, because she never ever does this with me or anyone else! She also does the food thing. Again, in front of no-one else but my husband! She either pushes the food around on her plate, then selects tiny bits to eat of the end of her fork or she sighs and eats every mouthful slowly, looking round like it's paining her to have to eat! I used to ask if the food was ok, as it worried me something was wrong with my cooking, but she'd say no, rave over it and say it was absolutely lovely. (It used to make me quite paranoid!) The last time she'd been here, after she'd gone, even my husband said, what the hell is the food thing all about?! She tells us she's starving and can't wait to eat, she gets her meal and does that?! I said I think it's some sort of weird attention thing and that she only does it here. She shovels it in everywhere else I go with her to eat, or if we're on our own!!!
It really does get annoying when you know people really, well and can see their "tricks" so to speak.
But I do think in older people it can be a confidence thing or the feeling of embarrassment if they were to try something and get it wrong. Or in some cases signs of early onset dementia.

According to MN every other person has sen or dementia.

Do you work with my MIL! 😆

Yes absolutely this. ^

Being competent and high-functioning in one area, and completely incapable in another, is often how ASD manifests itself!

And the shame that comes from not being able to manage basic maths or negotiate a travel route when to all intents and purposes you are perfectly competent is hugely embarrassing and made a lot worse by people who think you are doing it for attention!

If only that were true 😞

Thanks for replies...I definitely recognise my MIL in some of these posts. For those that are querying early onset dementia, or brain fog related to long term condition I am convinced this isn't it. It's the way she says something, pauses for a sideways glance to judge reaction and then gives the ridiculous giggle and 'what am I like reaction'. Perhaps I should have more sympathy as it is an attention things, and it's quite sad really that she feels the need to do this.

Just another example...like with the odd shoes thing as we ignore it she'll keep looking at her feet, looking back at us, and doing everything she can to draw attention. We continue to ignore then she erupts in laughter and 'oh what am I liiike, odd shoes again!'