make me feel better about my house guest

[bestones]

I've got a houseguest coming next week. A relative I rarely see, but we were close growing up, despite the fact she lives overseas.
I struggle with houseguests, but I've said no to previous requests and has run out of excuses this time as we have the room now and so I said she could come. We've painted her room, new bedding, etc. I'm around for a few days next week and was planning on taking her into our local historic City or London maybe.

And to our local nature reserve for walks etc. I'm going to do a mix of cooking and eating out.

What worries me the most is getting time to myself. I love and need time alone to decompress and having her around 24/7 is tricky. Also; I've got a 13 year old and it's half term next week, so I don't really want to ignore her to spend time exclusively with my relative.

Also, I worry that I don't live in a show home. The bathroom she'll be using is fairly new, but kitchen/living room could do with decorating/renewing and I always worry about sharing my living space with someone else.

My favourite thing is to get up in the morning and come downstairs in my dressing gown with bed hair and read a book for a while. I'm going to have to get up earlier than usual to come down fully clothed and ready for the day.

How do you all manage house guests you're not very close to, ie not immediate relatives?

It's quite a long visit too, couple of weeks with breaks here and there where she's seeing other family overnight, but hopefully I can fill up the time. I'm actually looking forward to seeing her, but wish I didn't feel so anxious about the other factors, ie is my house ok, will she get bored, will she mind sharing me with my 13 year old next week, will it cost me a fortune etc...

You're not running a hotel, she's coming to stay in your house for a week. You absolutely can go downstairs in your dressing gown and chill out in the morning. She also should have some of her own plans and be able to entertain herself rather than you guiding her around.

I'd expect her to pitch in with cleaning and cooking too.

Do not change your normal routine. Your relative will have to fit in around you and your family, and if they don't like it, they are always welcome to go find a B&B.

Just relax and do your own thing. Show them where everything is. Tell them to help themselves to tea, coffee, snacks. Tell them what you'll be doing (including any planned outings) and ask them if there is anything in particular they wanted to do.

Give them details of local public transport, all the useful phone numbers, a spare key.

Chill out! They are a guest in your home, not the hotel police!

Sounds perfectly reasonable what you are suggesting, just tell your guest what you like doing and what you’ve got planned. Thankfully I’ve never had room for guests, other than DS’s girlfriends who normally go along with us what we’re doing. Hopefully your relative will just be happy to stay and go along with what you propose.

yes, I know I should carry on as normal and encourage her to do some independent stuff. She can be quite passive though and wasn't very helpful last time she was here. I guess I should've learnt from that experience..

I take my house guests a cup of tea in bed, if I want time to myself in the morning. They think I'm being nice but it's entirely self-serving 😁

love this! 🤣

It sounds like they have invited themselves. You are not a hotel as others have said. Make sure they feel comfortable to have snacks and make themselves tea and coffee and the like. This isn't your problem to worry about.

you don't need excuses not to let a relative use your house like a hotel.
But since you have said yes - ask what their plans are, make a few suggestions and fix the days you will do them, and tell them clearly that you will be doing x, y and z on your own and when.

But learn to say "no" to things that you don't want to do.

they have! I agreed, because I thought it would be nice to see them, but didn't think it would amount to more than a week. A weekend is usually my limit for houseguests!

yeah, last time involved quite spendy days out, which I can't afford to do this time with cost of living being a thing

Put a pile of books in her room as a hint to piss off and be quiet for a bit. Also do leave her to entertain herself. Say to her 'Tomorrow shall we walk in the deep dark forest in the morning and then in the afternoon you'll need to entertain yourself because I promised Geraldine that I'd take her shopping in half term'.

Somewhat feel your pain as I too have a houseguest although just for three days. They are somewhat passive but also have been very agreeable to my suggestions and have frequently said they’re having a great time. But I think in future I will limit visits to Fri-Sun (for any guests, not just this one) because I need some time to decompress before work. Also an introvert and find I need time to myself.

Not very helpful but I think a couple of weeks is too long. I think I would encourage her to go for longer stays to other members of your family. Why are you the one bearing the brunt?

Edited to say: I totally get your rising dread btw op. I loathe having house guests and I have had plenty over the years.

yeah, rising dread sums it
up! And yes, 2 weeks is too
long!

Are there other relatives who might take them for a day? Giving you a day with the teen.

Get up, get a cup of tea and take it back to bed in the mornings and have your me time :) tell your dd if they want to come and snuggle that’s ok too.

they're already doing a few days here and there, including some overnights, so I can't complain really. Gives me about 5 nights off

No don't change anything. Let them see you as you normally are, happy and relaxed.

I am going to visit my Brother and SIL soon. No way would my SIL be up and dressed before 12 oclock!! My brother would be either dressed (if playing the church organ) or in his dressing gown when I come down to make a cuppa and have some toast.

He will be doing his councillor stuff at some point but I am happy to amuse myself with a book and I get to stroke the cats!