Partner going away for the night tomorrow and I'm jealous ...

[sahhu]

I know it's pathetic
We have been together 3 years and live together.
Since we got together we have been in a bubble really.
He doesn't really go out much and started a new job.
Tomorrow is a works conference but it's also a party at the hotel on the night.
It's 4 hours away from home.
I'm a bit jealous
We go away a lot together and it sounds silly but il miss him.
I'm even getting upset now thinking about him going.

He's taking me out for a meal tonight so we can have a nice night together and says Sunday we can go out to the cinema (I think he feels guilty )
Anyway does anyone else get like this ?

Jealous that he's having a night away or jealous that he might pay attention to someone else other than you?

You say you've been in a bubble, do you have any people you see or are in touch with outwith your relationship? Friends, family, colleagues? Does he?

In what way are you feeling jealous? Are you envious of the opportunities this new job is bringing, or are you anxious about him partying around other women?

Or are you not actually jealous, but just sad that he will be away and that you'll miss him?

Or are you worried about being alone in the house?

Those are all quite different feelings.

No I have never ever been like that. I don't live with a partner at the moment but when I did I used to love it on the rare occasion he'd stay away! The freedom. Lovely.

I'd unpack why you feel like you do.

Actually it's more sad that he will be away for a night without me
The house will be so quiet
Yeah we still see friends and family but it's been couples nights and couples meals etc
I've got no worries of him looking elsewhere
He's really trustworthy and I know he wouldn't do that

I also don't like being in the house overnight alone
So il be checking locks etc 50 million times
I've never lived alone
Always with parents /partner so it's a bit weird for me
We have 2 dogs but no other humans

It’s a very healthy and normal thing for adults to spend nights away from each other. I’d plan a night away for you and friends now!

I think missing your partner while they’re away is completely normal.

I also think missing him in the exaggerated manner you describe, or him feeling he needs to overcompensate with an extra plan on Sunday (why would he feel guilty?), may point to an unhealthy dynamic.

It’s OK to be in “bubble” with someone but not to the point that you’re never away from each other. Do you see those friends and family members individually? Or do you both go to everything together?

In my job we have to go away for anything between 3 days to 3 weeks at a time, sometimes multiple times a month. Of course you miss your family, partner, kids, but it’s a totally normal situation people find themselves in. Doesn’t mean I love my partner any less, or I’m less crazy about them, if I don’t feel jealous when I / they go away.

I think it’s healthy to be individually independent when in a committed relationship. Being able to spend a night apart is the bare minimum one should expect in a healthy couple dynamic.

What doesn't he like @sahhu ? If there's something you like to eat that you don't really have any more because it's not to his taste, have that for your tea. Watch a film he'd not be so keen on. Try turning it round to having a bit of you time. Try not to feel too frightened, your dogs will pick up on your unease but they are the first thing that would put any baddies off with their barking. Try not to worry and enjoy having the place to yourself

I've never lived alone
Always with parents /partner so it's a bit weird for me

This puts it more into context. You’ll be perfectly fine OP, but of course a new situation can feel a little strange at first.

I’ve lived alone in 3 different countries and cannot imagine never having experienced that.

Use the night to do something lovely for you alone, and enjoy the feeling of being “in charge” so to speak, by yourself - confidence booster!

You are presumably going to keep this to yourself Op and not let on to your DP and spoil it for him?

I suspect… too late though

He's taking me out for a meal tonight so we can have a nice night together and says Sunday we can go out to the cinema (I think he feels guilty)

Christ, he's got a full on weekend then.

Why does he feel guilty?

No I haven't told him
I've just told him I'm going to do some painting /baking to pass the time
Watch strictly with a takeaway
I know it will be fine and I'm overthinking

You need to grow up a bit. And honestly I think you need to start doing some things on your own - with other people. I think it's better in a relationship if each of you has a night in on your own and night out with someone who is not your partner (maybe not every week- but sometimes).

I look forward to nights in on my own.

It's nice at the beginning to be all coupley but....

And I get you about not wanting to be in the house on your own, even though I lived on my own for years, it did feel a bit weird at first when dH was away - then we got a dog and I'm fine on my own now.

You may not have told him but it sounds as though you've somehow conveyed it to him if he feels guilty, and like he needs to make arrangements with you the day before and the day after.

Surely you're reassuring him that he needs time to rest?

Probably quite helpful to have a bit of alone time forced on you. As others have said, it’s healthy to spend time apart, and quite unhealthy to be so co-dependent. He might like having a night out without you, and might want to do it again! That’s perfectly normal. You need to make sure you’re not losing your independent friendships too.

If I did I would be a broken woman.

Signed, military wife.

I live with my husband who sometimes is away with work and sure I miss him especially when it gets later in the evening but I'm also pretty self sufficient and enjoy my own company.

I usually make plans to tackle a larger project related to the home or a hobby while he's away so sanding and oiling my kitchen worktops, painting a room or a sewing project for example. I enjoy having an expanse of uninterrupted time to get on with things and can work into the later evening if I want without worrying cooking anything elaborate, I enjoy cooking but on these occasions I usually just have a baked potato because I love them and they are easy. Audiobooks are also good for a bit of company as I work. I'm usually knackered on these days so fall asleep no problem.

If it was a weekend when he was away I'd probably arrange to meet up with a friend or something. See it as an opportunity rather than something to be suffered through and then enjoy spending time with your partner when he returns. Sometimes it's nice to miss each other!

Give it a few more years and you'll be delighted when he's away!

I wish DH would go on an overnighter somewhere so I could have my own food and total control of the remote!

(Doesn't mean I love him any less - just having my own space is lush too!)

I feel totally stifled and smothered just reading this tbh.

Totally unhealthy and not normal

Sunday we can go out to the cinema (I think he feels guilty )

Why on earth would he feel guilty for spending one night away? It's healthy for couples to spend time apart with their friends in my opinion, poor bloke.

Sounds very claustrophobic.