Issues with another boy at nursery / being kicked in the back

[millsy7]

Just turned 3 year old DS goes 2 full days to nursery and has recently moved up to the next room. He has always had nothing but positive reports on his behaviour at nursery and outside of nursery he is also very sociable and great/very kind with other children. There is a few specific friends he speaks very fondly of but last week (only his second week in the room) as soon as we left and I was strapping him into the car he told me 'John was kicking me in the back today and my back feels sore'. I got him back out of the car to enquire about this as they hadn't mentioned anything at pick up. It was brushed off and the lady told me she hadn't seen this but said the room is very not heavy and some of the boys (not DS) can play very rough and that was that basically. Today I picked him up and when I asked what he had been up to today he told me and then said this same boy had been snatching the toys off him, I asked if he was told off by the staff but apparently he wasn't. I know which boy he is referring to and from what I've seen and heard at the few pick ups his behaviour isn't great in general. I get some kids might snatch but alongside the kicking incident which was just brushed right off I feel worried about him being there all day around this certain boy if nothings being done.

I'm not sure if I should bring it up again and mention the kicking/new incident from today? He's not back until next Tuesday but it'll be playing on my mind until then. Am I just being naive and is this just the kind of thing I should be expecting from nursery? We have never (to my knowledge that he or the staff have told me about) had any incidents prior to him starting in this room. Luckily his communication is excellent so he can relay this kind of information to me otherwise I'd be none the wiser. He'll be in this room until he starts school in September 2026 so I want to feel confident in him being there.

We had a few incidents like this. I just kept talking to staff and explained to DS that it wasn't nice, he should tell the key workers and that sometimes children lash out when they get frustrated especially if they can't talk well just yet. In our case my DS just learnt to avoid the boy and eventually became good friends with him!

A lot of the time the challenge was convincing our DS not to initiate play with the perpetrator. Because they would play well and then it would turn.

Am I just being naive and is this just the kind of thing I should be expecting from nursery?
Essentially, yes. With lots of 3-5 year olds in one room there's going to be snatching, pushing, kicking, scratching even biting.
They're all just learning and there will be more physical and aggressive children in pre-school and reception too.
If your DS gets hurt then speak to the teacher - but also focus on giving your DS the tools to stand up for himself, say stop, speak to the teacher etc.

They’re three! It’s fine. Your DS will hurt and snatch from other kids too sometimes.

My toddler has bitten and scratched others at nursery and vice versa, quite a few times. I think nothing of it. It’s a normal part of their development.

You mention this other boy’s behaviour, but almost no children are really well behaved at that age. They’re still learning, and mild aggression towards one another is part of that process.

I get some kids snatch, push and hurt others, my issue here is the fact he was being kicked in the back and it was just brushed right off as if it were nothing at all, it doesn't fill me with great confidence considering he's only a few weeks in.

A toddler kicking another toddler in the back usually is nothing at all. Were there any bruises?

@OrangeGreens wow. Do you or the nursery not tell your child off or do you just not bother because 'that's just what some kids do'. You may not think much of your own being hurt if he has tendencies to hurt others (which is hardly surprising considering your attitude towards it) but DS is very soft natured and gentle around other children and always has been. I will say I always find the parents of the biters, scratchers, snatchers etc to get defensive and just assume others should have to accept their behaviour.

Of course I tell him off. I assume whichever nursery staff member witnessed your child being kicked told the kicking child off. It’s just that the staff member you spoke to didn’t see it. I’m not sure what else you really expect them to do?

If my child is hurt in a way that leaves a mark I get an incident report about it. If no mark, no report. Seems reasonable to me. The staff have enough to do without endlessly reporting every bump.

I don’t think my toddler is more or less aggressive than others tbh. They almost all have their moments occasionally, and however “soft natured” you may believe your son is, I bet he does too.

You are being unrealistic if you expect the nursery to even mention someone snatching your kid’s toy.

I would also caution going in too confident that your DC is a little darling. It's often 6 of one half a dozen of another with these things.

I suspect that your DS and the other child were sitting on the floor when the kicking happened - I can’t imagine the other child did a flying karate kick! When children sit on the floor, some of them cannot cross their legs but sit with legs straight out. When my Nursery class sit like this there’s always someone getting kicked inadvertently. Often it’s another adult who’s the recipient! I have one little girl that sobs uncontrollably if another child does so much as touch her on the leg when they’re sitting on the floor.