How to deal with bigot/racism

[nc4this24]

When it's a relative?
I'm bored of correcting him on stuff, pointing stuff out etc
He never was really like this but it's worse with age, a smaller circle, socialising with a crowd in Wetherspoons that all seem to hold the same views and the bloody daily mail

I'm mortified by what he's sharing on FB and worrying people will think I have the same views

Last one was whinging about the winter fuel payment, I pointed out his pension incoming is the same as my wage and I don't get anything extra so why is he expecting it?
Or referring to people as coloured, I correct and say "what, coloured purple? They're not coloured Dad" and he kind of shrugs it off and laughs and gets "well in my day/doesn't really matter does it"

It's this kind of shit he's sharing and sending to me - to be clear these are NOT my views but I'm adding them for context

The stupid thing is his parent hated my mum as "she was black" and my dad defended that. But looking back he probably only defended it to say she wasn't black

I would mute him on social media and change the subject when he starts one of his rants. I wouldn't bother correcting him.

I have muted him already, those two he sent me on WhatsApp today

I've ignored them as I'm really unwell and don't have the capacity to say fucks sake dad stop with the bullshit
But he just kind of shrugs it off anyway

This is the problem with FB; too many people given a voice and others dragged in. I think anyone who knows you will know your position on certain things.

I would just ignore any WhatsApp messages you don't like. Simply don't reply. Also agree to muting on FB.

Racists always think they're right about everything and see nothing wrong with their views.

He'll never change.

I prefer to just not have contact with people who are racist. They do my head in.

I think you can block someone from sending you images on WhatsApp via the Media Visibility option. That might be worth a try.

He's my only remaining relative really and he's my dad
I didn't get on with my mum and now she's dead so I'm trying to basically keep the peace as I'm aware life isn't given

Hopefully as he has a mix on his FB someone else can call him out on his bullshit, it's just because he's socialising and reading in this circle where everyone seems to have the same views

It's upsetting when he was so defensive about my mum

Can't you just block him? He'll work it out. Then unblock him after a couple of months, but reblock him the first time he sends you anything objectionable.

And repeat, until he stops.

Or just leave him blocked. What would you be losing?

I would block him on social media and WhatsApp and tell him why.

Pull him up every time he says something racist as well. Be blunt "that's racist" and if you get a "back in my day..." just tell him that we are no longer back in his day.

By ignoring and being lighthearted he feels that you have given him the go ahead to continue.

If he continued I would stop seeing him (I did similar in my family with homophobia).

I wouldn't get upset by him using the term "coloured" (though it's not a term I'd ever use). My mum, who died I've ten years ago at 82, used this term too. When I corrected her and told her the appropriate term was "black' she said she knew, but to her it just sounded rude, she did try, bless her.

The other stuff I'd go ballistic about. I would have found it very hard to have a relationship with my mother had she spouted that kind of crap. That was unlikely to happen, as my adult child, her "golden child", would have told her quite bluntly that it was nonsense and never to let my child hear her say such stuff ever.

It's up to you if you can accept your father's views and maintain a relationship with him.

It’s hard. As awful as our parents might be at times, we don’t want to lose them.

I managed to train my father by calling him out every time he did it in person the first time and leaving the second . I didn’t want my young child exposed to his racism and told him that explicitly. He was smart enough to realize that meant don’t send me memes. He is still out there on the internet, but I don’t follow him on social media.

It's not all the time obviously, we have nice conversations but then he comes out with something and I'm WTF no you can't say that fucks sake dad. If you want to think that, that's what we call an inner thought and you don't open your mouth!

My patience is probably thin today as I had my head down the toilet, my phone went and I thought it was my manager and yeah.

Facebook is the worst for sharing stuff like that, it's like a breeding ground for bigots. Muting him sounds like the best idea which you've already done, but I think you need to tell him that his behaviour isn't on, and you don't want to see bigoted posts, and he's not to share things like that with you. He's still an adult and it doesn't matter what they used to call people back in his day, we don't say those things now, and he can still learn while he's in control of his mind and can read. He has no excuse.

Hopefully you can at least make sure he doesn't bother you with that nonsense.

But you're well enough to spread offensive memes on a Mumsnet thread?

There's no need for it OP.

You KNOW you're not being unreasonable and you could have just said "He shares racist memes".

She added them for context FFS

There was no need 'FFS' to spread racist memes any further.

I have d and v, I'm well enough to operate a phone requiring no effort given I've been working today I can browse and post on MN

I added them for context, and if you log into FB or twitter or view the news then you're going to see something similar at some point

If I hadn't added them, someone would have said what do you mean by racist, what is he saying, it can't be that bad etc etc

The stupid thing is his parent hated my mum as "she was black" and my dad defended that. But looking back he probably only defended it to say she wasn't black

I'm really confused, are you saying your father had a baby (you) with a black lady, but you think he's racist?

Sorry no

Basically my dads parent never liked my mum but it didn't come out why until after they both died
My dad's sister said "well it's because she was black" to which my dad said "WTF, she wasn't though?! And even if she was why would it matter?!"

My mums great great grandad was black, that's it

wow. talk about one drop rule. that's insane

tell him he sounds like his parent and give him a disgusted look & hang up next time he says it on phone.

Ah okay, I get you. But it was your Dad that said "And even if she was why would it matter?!"

Yes! Exactly what he said

His parent was adamant because of my mums features and her families features that she was black. As an adult looking at the family, yes I do kind of see it distantly but she just got a bee in her bonnet over it and was always cold with my mum

Your Dad's Mum was racist, your Dad is anti government and anti lefty but was vocal against his own Mother that discriminating against an individual based on skin colour is unacceptable.

It sounds like you have wildly different political beliefs but I wouldn't cut off an otherwise loving supportive parent for that, it's okay to be different people.

I'd unfriend him on FB and tell him that your political beliefs aren't aligned and you don't want to constantly see his stance on immigration.

WRT the WF allowance, my understanding was that older people need warmer homes due to increased risk of illness and less ability to regulate body temperature.

Those kind of memes and racist views have been really getting me down lately. They're everywhere. It's become completely normalised to spout these views.
I don't know what the answer is but it's probably not worth correcting him and arguing. It's a waste of your energy. I keep getting into arguments with people on Facebook bit it's so futile. Nothing I say will change their views and nothing they say will change mine.

I think you’re probably wasting your time trying to debate his opinions with him and I understand why you don’t want to fall out with him, so if he won’t stop sending them to you, I think the only other thing to do is to treat his messages with the contempt and ridicule they deserve.

The picture with the road sign for instance; reply and tell him that that is definitely not Dover, and if they took that right turn, they’d be in the channel. Tell him you don’t think the men in the small boat were the same ones smoking in the pub garden and could it be mistaken identity? Or send him pictures of fluffy kittens. Or Alf Garnett. Or videos of spots being popped. And when he demands to know why, or tells you to stop doing it, tell him you’ll stop sending things he doesn’t want to see when he stops sending you things that you don’t want to see.