Girls football coach wants to drop players

[Joselyn1976]

My daughter plays football recently the coaches have been putting in group chats messages about children being dropped cause they not good enough WOW what happened about it taking part that matters my child trys her best since when has football become so bad my son was a player 10years ago they lose most games he played for district his team never dropped the players I'm shocked any team would do this

I suspect if you step up to help with coaching, perhaps the less good team, then they won't be put in this position.

If the coaches are volunteers, they are probably feeling wrung dry and you can't blame them for wanting to focus on the better, more committed players.

Have been through all of this within my boys football teams who have played grassroots for 5 years. There comes a point where coaches do have to choose which players are right for the benefit of the whole team. I've seen it so many times where players cannot progress as they do not have the support from some of their team who are not at the same level. This then leads to the more advanced players feeling demotivated and unable to excel. In turn, the players that need more development cannot keep up with the pace and then they too end up feeling demotivated. Most year groups have different group abilities and while the lower groups are more about participation, the top level will be very competitive.

It sounds as though you may have enough players for an A team and a B team if some players aren't even being taken to the matches. Why not ask whether that's a possibility or maybe even you or her father do their coaching badge to set this up. These clubs and teams are run by volunteers and it never fails to amaze me how quick parents are to complain but then have all sorts of excuses why they can't step up.

I just wanted to echo what others are saying, don't be too hard on the coaches I see first hand what a hard thankless job it is. There is nothing stopping you or anyone creating another team in the club. Also the payment of subs isn't up to the coach and that is usually to pay for the training, equipment etc. You say there aren't many others girls footy clubs in the area but your daughter doesn't have to play for a girls team, has she considered a mixed team.

As the mum of sporty kids, in line with what others are saying, honestly the coach is doing you a favour. Team sport is about winning. Somewhere down the line we sent mixed messages about this and it really isn't helping young people. Everyone should be able to play, but in a team which is at the appropriate level for them.

I've seen weaker kids left in teams that they just aren't good enough for, even though that's a tough thing to swallow as an adult. The end result, always, is that the other kids on the team become frustrated and their annoyance is directed at the weaker child who become more and more isolated from the team. Thats actually the fault of the adults around them for not ensuring they are playing at the right level.

I used the analogy of maths;y my child only had set 3 ability, but would love to be in set one with his friends . Tries incredibly hard, works his socks off. I shouldn't insist he's in set 1 because he is trying his best. It's not appropriate, it holds others back, and crucially, creates a stressful and unproductive atmosphere for the child.

I have seen with my own daughter, you are far more likely to keep them in sports if they are playing at the right level. I know you are saying there aren't too many other clubs (and I sympathise with that as it's the same where we are) but given the fact there is opposition for matches, there must be some alternatives within driving distance?

Al l this said, it's not easy as a parent to know your kid is the one being referred to in situations like this. Your daughter will be looking to you and watching your reactions. Try and not take it personally, as hard as that is!

My DH is a football coach and has to make decisions like this all the time. It's a competitive sport at the end of the day, and the aim is to win. Ultimately they have to change things around or it becomes not fair on the rest of the team if they have players who are dragging them down. However my DH discusses it with the player and the parents to make the right decision - gives them the opportunity to improve but will also help them find a team in a different league which is usually better for them to be playing at a level that is more appropriate for them.

Is there enough girls for 2 teams? Our club streams from under 10s, for girls and boys, you can grade to try get into division 1 or opt to join the more social fun focused teams. Clubs that have less players run mixed social teams instead. I think its a good system having social and competitive teams. Some of the girls want to play competitively, train more, train harder, I think that's fine. Some love football, like my DD, but dont want to go all out. The issue arises if you don't have enough kids to make 2 or more teams. If this was happening for my DD and not enough girls to form a second team I'd try and find another club for her to play at. If she wanted to be more competitive I'd sign her up for one of the school holiday soccer programs where we live.

This whole 'everyone is as good as everyone else' attitude is just ridiculous. If a child isn't good enough for the team, they should not be in the damn team. That's life.
Do you expect your children to be given a job, even if they are not qualified to do it? 'You need an operation? Oh, look, we have a person here who isn't very good, we wanted to drop them from med school as they failed everything, but we are not allowed to, so good luck"...
Pandering like this will fuck up the world

What a lovely reply have a good day

I have taken on everyone comments on board some nice some vile .. yes I agree with the majority we have found another team for her level it was the way it's handled that pissed Me off good enough to play before they moved up to a higher division put I. A what's apt group wasn't right .. should message individual parents and I have spoken. To parents from. The team who agree the issue is they took to many players on this summer she just wants to play .. it's not the world cup

But there's part of the problem "it's not the World Cup". Thats your assessment of the importance of winning. I assure you it won't be the kids who want to win and put in the graft. Out of interest, does your daughter practice when she's not at training? I guarantee you other kids will. And that where the frustration of having kids not at the right level gets in the way. And for what it's worth, sport should be about teaching kids to work hard to win whenever they can (but also how to manage defeat). The world isn't a better place for the "we are all winners for trying hard" rhetoric that has been allowed to permeate sport.

I do agree there are right ways to handle these things and a group chat isn't that place. The coach should have done that one to one and offered to help you find somewhere else for your daughter.

Football is a very competitive, very harsh sport. At the top, kids who are playing/trialling for professional league teams can get dropped at the end of a training session, just like that. It causes MH problems for those that have been there laying at a high level and then get dropped, just like that.

At grassroots level, the coach’s are volunteers. They are giving up their own time for these kids. They may not have the emotional intelligence to realise the effects of them dropping individuals from their team, as they are focused on winning.

Maybe you could get a group of girls if a similar level and see if someone is willing to train as a coach and get them into a suitable league or even just low-key local fun games?

Im also a big advocate for streaming. There should be a team for all levels and everyone should get reasonable game time. Some players go up, some go down.

It can be hard on some kids but it’s best for the team.

The only time I’ve seen this approach go very wrong was when a child with very challenging behaviour was dropped by a team and they had nowhere to go. I can understand the coaches position but hard on the parents

Football is brutal. This happened to ds when he was only 8. It completely put him off team sports. I managed to get him to find more niche sports that he enjoyed (like table tennis and badminton) where the atmosphere was less toxic. For a long time he pigeon-holed himself as ‘not sporty’ as a result of his treatment by the football club though, and it took a long time to get him past that.

sport should be about teaching kids to work hard to win whenever they can

Personally, I think sport should be about having fun keeping fit and healthy.

Of course it should be about keeping fit and health and having fun. But guess what?...it's a lot more fun when you are winning. People may not like it but the overriding aim of a team sport is most certainty to win.

My daughter has two hour sessions outside the football team practise and plays for the school since she have played for this team they have lost TWO games the messages are cryptic to whose being dropped I have been unboxed this morning to say they do not wish any players to leave now so I guess this thread is no longer required as for the not the world cup I come from a nation where we don't think we won a tournament before we even started the press do not hype up our nation we get through we get through I was always brought up to you try your best not you got to win because unfortunately in life we don't win everything

Honestly op. Soccer is a competitive sport and as you move up the divisions it gets more and more so. I've been on both sides of this and while it's hard, it's definitely the wrong thing to keep them playing in a team above their ability level just because their friends play there. Coaches only giving them a 5 min run at the end. Their team mates groaning when they see them coming on especially in tight games. Not passing to them when they're open. It all eats away at a child's confidence . My kids have always been happiest as one of the better kids in a lower ability team than the person getting a pity run at the end. It just erodes their confidence over time.

Thank you we are speaking to a lower division team the coaches at this club hold their kids on pedestal win all the trophy on presentation night have done for years

Perfectly possible to be both. No body here has said that kids of lesser ability shouldn’t be able to do sports, just that it needs to be based on ability levels once they get to a certain age. I don’t think it’s fair to demonise kids who want to win. For the record I don’t think there has been any vile or appalling comments here, just a healthy difference of opinion. Op should stop being so sensitive and defensive just because others offer alternative viewpoints. I say this as someone who was not particularly good at sports and dropped a lot. I survived. There are lots of ways of keeping fit and healthy. Doesn’t have to be football.

Would your husband put comments about low ability players in chat ..to be honest the whole way this has been handled is now on wHto the chairman of. Club as goes against the statement they put out earlier this year

Excellent post. Completely echo all of this.

Could you start a development team at the club?

These teams are normally run by volunteers they may not have the capacity to have two different ability teams. If you volunteer to coach the other one your daughter will still get to enjoy the game

I’ve posted on this upthread as I agree that both streaming and more inclusive options are legitimate approaches but the club ethos needs to be clear from the start. I’m a football club secretary so spend too much time on these kind of conversations!

I am confused why this is happening a few weeks into the season. That is very hard time to drop players as other options will likely be full. It should be done at the end of the season ready for the new season. If they accidentally have too many players they should potentially consider rotating the squad. I don’t think dropping players now is fair and I don’t think raising the risk of dropping players in the team chat is the best way forward either. Be warned though- your chair will also be a volunteer with a million other things to juggle

it is tough for girls teams as there often isn’t another suitable option if girls are dropped- less girls only team options generally and also far fewer tiers per age (if a girls only team even exists for that age). For boys (mixed) teams there are usually far more options in terms of other teams and tiers. Would you daughter consider a mixed team (totally fair enough if not), is she a beginner, are there other options nearby? Is training only an option for her?

I really feel for her if she’s dropped but hope there is a good plan B. Don’t give up on the football!

This is why teams should have roughly the same ability players and just enough for the amount playing and subs- that way no one's being left out of games.

How about you or your husband volunteer to coach a team? That's why there's not enough teams, it's lack of parent volunteers