Live "you need permission from the non-travelling parent" thread.

[GinForBreakfast]

DH and I are married, have the same surname and have a DD(16). Occasionally over the years we have gone away separately with her. I have always scoffed at the slightly alarmist MN threads about being stopped at airport security and being asked about permission to travel but often prepped an appropriate letter/ documents JIC.

Completely forgot this time (and DD is 16 so practically an adult) and for the first time DH & DD have been stopped at a border. Just got a panicked phone call from South America. I've had to send through a letter, her birth certificate and my passport via WhatsApp. Waiting to hear back if it's okay...

Hope it’s all ok for them - you wouldn’t even think of needing it at that age, wow!

I suspect it’s probably because she is 16 and she’s travelling with an older man, and being in South America they possibly have potential for trafficking (drugs / female or both) through that airport.

Annoying for you all, but good to know that they actually do look out for this stuff. Hope it’s all ok and they can be on their way soon!

Agree it's actually pleasing that border security is alert to potential issues. Just kicking myself that in all the planning for the trip we never even thought of this issue!

All sorted - they got through fine once the information went through.

It wasn't an airport btw - a land border. Hope this thread reminds others that it's a thing!

Thank you for posting this.

I am always correcting people's weird conviction that if you share a surname, you won't get stopped at the border.

It's done based on risk factors and there's also a random element.

I always thought this only occured if travelling with DC that don't share your surname. Had no idea this could happen even when they do.

I’ve had to sort out a crossing between Switzerland and France once. Obviously my ex looked dodgy AF.

Wow thank you for posting this.
I go abroad and away regularly with my 14 yo dd . She is autistic and we really find this a good way to connect and spend some jusy us time when things are so challenging daily at home.
Her step father has brought her up since she was 3 and they have an amazing relationship.
Her birth father is absent and has been for years . I send him regular updates / invites on milestones and achievements etc but he never even opens or responds .
I never occurred to me like ever that we would be stopped for this like your dh !
My daughters birth fathers would not even know or care what school she went to and has never even been to see his other three dh throughout their 6th form and uni years.
If I asked him for permission I just know he would ignore me like he ignored my request for a divorce.
We're off to Iceland at Christmas. I'll be nervous now .

That's interesting. I have no contact with DS's dad, DS and I share the same surname and I've never been asked, admittedly I've always taken the risk and never brought any documentation so god knows what I'd have done if I had been asked.

A lot of people share this misconception

But when you think about it - why would surnames be the deciding factor? Sharing a surname doesn't necessarily mean you are the child's parent and it definitely doesn't necessarily mean you have permission from their other parent to take them abroad

They are worried about trafficking and force marriage much more likely at 16 than 5...

I reckon it's them wanting proof she is actually his daughter and not a trafficked teenager, nothing to do with needing permission from the non-travelling parent.

Scary! I’ve travelled loads of times with my two kids without DH and it’s never occurred to me that I would need extra permission - I’ve never been asked.

Slightly different thing but when we have gone abroad with DC's friends we have always taken a letter up until age 18 from the parents. I read about it on here but DH thought I was being silly and so did the parents of DS's friend but I insisted. I was asked once if I had a letter at Faro airport and told it was lucky I did or it would have "been a problem"
Will always be grateful to MN for that
I suppose a man and 16 year old travelling overland in S America might raise a few concerns though and its good that it was picked up on I suppose

You’re assuming parents never traffic their own kids. I would think that a tragically high percentage of trafficked kids are sold by their families/ their families are coerced into giving them to the traffickers rather than being kidnapped by strangers.

Yes and also custody disputes

I understand from a friend that this happens commonly when they travel to Brazil. Not sure if it's a general theme in South American countries.

Nope.

2 sets of friends both got stopped, married women, with children under 12, same names to their kids. Travelling uk to Europe.

complete panic as they nearly missed the flight as husbands needed to be spoken to.

i was in the same party, different name to my child, didn’t get stopped.

names are irrelevant- they are no proof you are the child’s parent. You could be aunt, grandparent, random stranger.

people seem to think having the same name as your child is some sort of magic pass- think about it, if you are trafficking, all you would need to do it get the child documents in your name and could traffick away with no fear of being caught.

that and there are many countries and cultures where it is not the norm to have the same names.

The only time I've had my dc's papers scrutinised was between Switzerland and France on a land border. So glad I could whip out the paperwork.

My dc are both 18+ now, will be strange not to carry all that stuff next time we go away!

Good to know. I've never had this problem before but in future I'll be taking birth certificates. As a single parent to my daughter, there wouldn't be anyone at home to send over a copy so we'd be screwed.

It's not about the birth certificate though - assuming dad is named on the BC

LEGALLY you need the permission of the other parent to take the child out of the UK.

If you’re the only parent on the birth certificate then you’re good to travel with just a copy of it. If the father is named, technically you should get his permission to take the child out of the country/ across international borders. The actual laws vary from country to country but all immigration agents can question this to help prevent international custody disputes and human trafficking.

You should have the correct documentation to leave ENGLAND - never mind what other countries' laws are. It cost me literally thousands of pounds to fight my ex through court to get permission to take my DC on holiday to a bog standard European country, not worth the risk to go without paperwork.

That in no way contradicts what I just said. Not all mumsnet users live in England.

Yes I agree and it's actually good to see checks being done.

XH and I have never been asked for a letter when travelling alone with the children so it's interesting to see that it does happen