Nephews bad behaviour - Christmas dilemma

[FamilyDynamic]

My sister's children (preteens) behave badly. They are deliberately rude and swear and no one pulls them up on it. The parents seem to find it endearing and there's a lot of tension generally in the family. My mum and dad tread on eggshells and it's become the elephant in the room.

It's at a point where I don't want my children to be around them. My children don't use bad language and would know not to repeat. But they will go out of their way to do things like say Father Christmas is not real etc.

It brings up a Christmas dilemma though as we're all supposed to be having a family gathering over several days which I do want to be a part of.

What do I do? Just ignore it and prep my kids beforehand? Or pull my nephews up on their behaviour.

How old are your kids?

9 and 5.

Is the family gathering at one persons house, as in all of your staying there for days?

Go but don't stay all the days?

I am adjacent to a similar situation and the 2 sets of kids don't enjoy spending much time with each other.

They have been parented so differently they have ended up with not a lot in common.

I'd think that your sister's kids have had the magic of Christmas when they were younger that your kids should have now maybe? If that means a separate Christmas away from the cousins for a day (or the season) then do it.

If you don't think it will be enjoyable for you or your kids then just don't go. Be honest about it if they ask too, it's the consequence of their non-actions.

Don't expose your children to the bad behaviour. Their parents need to understand that people won't want to spend time around these brats and perhaps they'll change their parenting strategies instead of being lazy.

Don't go.

Don't go. Have a few 'Christmas magic' years at home and join them again when your children are older not to need or enjoy the little kid stuff.

if you have to go then you could prep your kids before hand by saying that as the others are so badly behaved Santa doesnt visit them so when they say 'santa isnt real' they may not believe it?

I would try and get out of it though.

I'd just decline the invite and say that you want to have a Christmas with just the four of you.

If they try and argue that you should come (because it's faaaaammmlly!) then I would raise the point about the nephews, especially the point that "they will go out of their way to do things like say Father Christmas is not real etc." and your children are entitled to still have a magical Christmas. Any further pushing and I'd be pointing out that your reluctance to join them for Christmas is a natural consequence of poor parenting the nephews behaviour and they can make of that what they will.

I have a very similar situation and have recently declined Halloween events because for my sisters child (who is 11) it means ‘death and blood’ while for my little girls it means ‘cute outfits and a disco’. Sometimes you have to be ‘selfish’ for the sake of yours and your kids enjoyment. My sister is probably grateful when I say no to these things because I’m fairly sure she’s on pins waiting for it all to kick off which it has done several times. I just stick to ‘we’re at different parenting stages, let’s not force them together just for the sake of it’

Those who are saying ‘Dint go’ are missing the point that the OP WANTS to go!

Id have two issues there
One is about going on about Santa not been real - which would be really shit for your 5yo.
Could you have a word with them parents before hard about that? I mean, they find their dcs behaviour fine, ok. But surely, they’d agree about keeping the magic if Christmas for the younger ones??

The other is about the bad behaviour.
And there I think it depends a lot of the type of gathering and when.
If it includes Christmas morning - I’d avoid that and stay away. You dint want that time to be spoiled by disagreements/telling other people’s children off etc…. Just concentrate on your dcs for the morning.
Other days, if you have a big gathering (aka more people than parents plus sibling and family), then I’d intervene any time it involves your dcs. So let’s say nephew swearing at your dcs, being unkind etc… And I’d let the rest go.
It would probably be harder with a smaller gathering and if you intervene, I’d be ready for a big fall out tbh.