Anyone else feel lonely in a relationship

[RhiRoc]

Why do I feel like I don't exist half the time at home, like I'm just a spare part in the house. My other half seems incapable of actually showing true affection or attention unless it leads to something sexual... is this typical "male" behaviour? (Sorry to generalise) I've been feeling really low lately after loosing my beloved doggie of early 16yrs and it just seems he is incapable of consoling me or showing much emotion towards me

Sorry for your loss @RhiRoc and sorry you're feeling lonely. How long have you been with your DP?

I'm sorry for the loss of your dear dog, 16 years! A long and I'm sure a very happy life , being loved, cared for, and now missed so much.
I'm sorry to hear that your other half has neglected to recognize your grief, and to console you.
I don't think that is typically male behavior, there are plenty of men who are very empathetic and understanding.
This must hurt you so much.
You have to look at how your other half has been at other times, if you're able to communicate meaningfully, and if he is in tune with you with most other aspects of your shared life.
Unfortunately some men are not good at showing their emotions and this might be the first time he's ever been called on to do that?
Hopefully , and normally, you're able to communicate well with him, unfortunately some men have a real problem with that.
Everyone knows ,especially those who have been through it, that the biggest killer of any relationship, is not being able to communicate.
I hope he comes around and realizes how much this has hurt you.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You've just made me remember something that happened many years ago with my ex. I was in bed and he came home in the early hours of the morning as usual. I just turned to him and said "I can't do this anymore, I live with you but I'm so lonely"
It was a turning point, I didn't leave immediately but knew from that point that I deserved better.
I've been married to my second husband for 26 years now and never once felt lonely. I'll never forget what a horrible feeling it was though. You deserve better op. I hope you find it.

Thanks for sharing, I often feel like this 🙁

I’m very sorry for your loss OP.

My DH is like this. Completely withdrawn emotionally. Perfectly capable of walking past me when I’m crying and showing no emotion or saying a word.
It has gotten worse over the years and it is affecting my mental health to the point that I am too weak and tired to walk away. It’s a horrible way to live and I wish I left years ago before DCs.
It’s so easy to assume that all relationships are like this after many years and I’ve used it as an excuse for a long time.

@CakeAndChaos thank you ❤️ I'm new to the abbreviations but I'm guessing DP is partner... nearly 8 years. He started off at the beginning as very interested (like they all do) in fact, a little too intense but that slowly softened over the years. He runs his own business from home which fully supports our family (family of 3, we have a 3yro boy) so I know he is very consumed with that but sometimes just having a cuddle whilst watching tv is nice once in a while 🤷🏻‍♀️

@thewayitseemstome thank you ❤️ he truly had a wonderful life and he certainly made our time together feel very special. I think what's most strange is not having a dog at home at all now. I've always had a dog in my life since I was 7 so to finally not have any left feels weird. Living near the coast and countryside with all the beautiful walks, I'm surrounded by dogs 🙈
You know I wouldn't say we have the best communication, we don't really have a whole lot in common either but I think for the sake of our young son we are both trying to hold it together.
He is a very stubborn person and sees most things in black or white, whereas I'm much more open to other possibilities and tend to be more patient and optimistic. He can be supportive but really only if he understands or believes in it

@TimeForBedSaidZebadee thank you ❤️
Wow, thank you for sharing your experience. I can imagine myself getting to that stage if I do not see any real change or improvement. It's such a scary thought though, especially when you have a child and also, no real financial freedom (I haven't worked since I had my son, I do work with my partner from home as he has his own business but he pays for everything) maybe I should just get a job somewhere else - although the thought of that is so daunting when you have been out of a "real"work environment for a few years. I think it's a real combination or us spending too much time together and not having my own place or thing/job.
I'm really pleased to hear that about your second marriage, there's hope 😊

@Lil89 oh really, I'm sorry you do too. How long have you been with your partner for? What is your home situation like?

@Losforwords I'm so sorry you are going through this too. I know what you mean about it affecting your mental health, I've started to notice that also. It's definitely hard when there are children involved and being a parent/mother, you can loose so much of your identity. Do you have a support network of friends or relatives that you can reach out to and talk to? Maybe it's worth exploring little hobbies or activities that you can do with them outside of the house that might start building your confidence back up? We shouldn't have to live our life just putting up with it. But I do know it's easier said than done. Sending positive energy your way ❤️

Been together 20 years, since teenagers. Times have been tough recently! Health issues, death, work issues and IVF. All proving too much really.

Yep. So I got my ducks in a row and left.....

Thank you@RhiRoc .
That last part of your post I could have written that myself.
My stubborn DH doesn't appear to be affected or listening to what I'm saying when I open my heart and share how I'm feeling.
He never offers a crumb of support it is so frustrating and sad.
He is another to whom everything is in black or white.
Being optimistically minded and positive has stood me in good stead throughout the many long years!

I feel your pain,emptiness, and sadness in not having your dear dog beside you.
How lonely your house must feel at this time, I know.
It sounds like you live in an ideal spot for having shared happy days with your dog besides you.
Dogs are such a comfort, they love you unconditionally and I hope you're able, in time, to invite another dog to be a part of your family.
All the best to you OP, this is a very hard time for you, and I'm really sorry for your grief as I know how sad and lonely it feels.❤️

I could have written your post word for word. the endless avoidance and silence and then if I get angry, he uses the silence to say 'he was just going to say' or he gets angry and thows it back in my face. In the middle of another row now, so many 000s of rows over a too-long marriage. I just wish he would die. I can't bear it. I have owned dogs, I'd much rather live with a dog. I've lost them too, it's heartbreaking.

@Lil89 I'm sorry that does sound like you have had a tough time ❤️ any one of those issues is hard enough let alone a whole series of them. The advise I have given to myself is to do something that I enjoy at least once a week. So I'm going to start going swimming once a week (maybe even twice if I can). Just to have my own time away from everything at home. Maybe there is something that you can do, just to take you out of the situation but in your own terms ?

@Foxybyname seems like the wise thing to do!

Me too.

@thewayitseemstome they must be related! Honestly, I don't like to generalise because I know there are good men out there, I've met them, they do exist... but I hear from a large number of women around me that their husbands and partners are all like this. I don't know if it's old fashioned behaviour that is being passed down through the generations or just something missing in their dna. I've often thought, I think I might just find a nice woman to be with (but I'm not a lesbian) but at least we'd get each other and show real affection and compassion!
I would have a 100 dogs live with me if I could!
Will never get another pet again as long as we are together - he doesn't get why people even want them 😂🙈 I told him he was in the minority there! Gotta be something wrong with you if you don't love dogs!

I was far lonelier in my marriage then l have been for the last 7 years being single.