Help me navigate my head round this situation

[scoobydoobydoodle]

One of my DDs is dating a lad the same age (19) for the last few months, he's a lovely lad, polite, sociable etc and I really have nothing negative to say about him.

For context, DH and I are high earners, live in a nice area, high end cars, luxury holidays etc and have a nice lifestyle. This has not always been the case and we've worked very hard over the years building our business and careers to get to this stage in life. As a result our DC have lovely lives and probably don't want for much, although I do make them have part time jobs to instil the importance of hard work and not getting everything handed to you.

Anyway back to the lad in question. Without meaning to sound dreadful, I know his family are not in the same financial situation as we are, they appear to be very hard working from what I know and have brought up a lovely lad. I'm just struggling about what he must think of our luxurious lifestyle and I feel really guilty about it. I'm dreading what he might think at Christmas as I know our DCs get spoiled with gifts.

DD seems really happy with him, spends time at his house and has never said anything to me to trigger my guilt. Is this just a ridiculous situation in my head? Am I overthinking it? I'd hate to think he just sees us a rich snobs (which we are absolutely not).

I'm sure he's perfectly happy having a great Christmas with his own family. Be careful you don't pity him.. he doesn't need it

@purplebeansprouts There's no sign of pity in the OP at all, just concern in case he feels embarrassed by the difference between the two families' finances, and she doesn't want that to happen.

If you are planning on buying him a Christmas present I'd be careful as that's a real tightrope. You don't want him to think "they could have got better", but nor do you want something that makes his family feel that their presents are small in comparison. I don't envy you, as it's quite a tricky situation.

I think you're worrying about nothing tbh. He will be aware that your dd comes from a significantly wealthier family than he does. If he thought all wealthy people were snobs, he probably wouldn't be going out with her. He's 19, not a child.

I had friends (and a boyfriend) significantly richer than my family was. Never thought twice about it TBH. Enjoyed the luxury they shared and was grateful they never expected me to pay my way for anything.

My child's partner was in the position of your daughters boyfriend. Child's partner saw me as "better than" their family. They had a sibling who'd been in prison, most of their family worked in what might be thought of as blue collar jobs. I worked in a fairly well paid office job, owned my own house ect.

It took quite a while for child's partner to realise my family were pretty much a reflection of theirs, (my cousins child in prison for manslaughter, my father and mother worked in the pit, and in a factory and so on).

Child's partner was taken aback at first on the number of presents I got my child, and subsequently got them when we first started living together. Even last year they told me they thought I'd spent too much on them. I asked who else I should spend my money on? They are the people who make sure I'm safe, fed and watered now I'm too frail to do it myself. And anyway, spoiling them gives me pleasure.

They smiled and acknowledged that was all true, so they'd shut up about it.

I think integrating into another family is difficult, and I admire those that manage it without it causing discomfort to anyone.

Every family has its own ways.

@purplebeansprouts this is exactly what I am trying to avoid.
@user1471453601 thank you for sharing that