Are bullies really all miserable about themselves?

[butlerk93]

Currently watching 'Sweetpea' on Sky and it's got me thinking about bullies and the lasting impact they can have on others.

You hear a lot of 'bullies only bring others down because they have low self esteem themselves'. You do hear this from former bullies too. I am intrigued as to whether this is the case for all bullies, or if some people just get a kick out of being horrible.

Not sure who'll be able to answer, but thought I'd put it out there anyway!

Bullies know what they're doing being nasty. Adults with low self esteem? Maybe but hideous people anyway. Jealous, anger issues and this from men and women. They gloat on it in the workplace.

I can say now that I took part in some bullying behaviour. I look back now and it makes me feel awful. I can also say that I was taking part to show off to the in girls having been an outcast in the past just wanted to fit in or stay ahead of the bullying myself. Hate myself for it but I’m not a fundamentally awful person as some people suggest.

I suspect the majority of bullies don’t believe they are bullying at all. They are, in their minds, treating people as they deserve, defending themselves from a threat, just not engaging with someone they have no responsibility for, etc etc. We as humans are very good at protecting our “good selves”.

I agree with this. The biggest bully at my school became an armed police officer. Terrifying.

I know two bullies (women). They just repeat the same vile behaviour to each new victim. Neither will ever see the error of their ways. Both are miserable though and will never be happy.

Serves. Them. Right.

I worked with one guy who admitted to being the school bully and it continued into adulthood.
Knowing what I know he had issues that were not addressed so he didn't see much wrong with how he behaved.
He still has issues that he drinks heavily drown.
Not a bully anymore though.
I've recently worked with middle aged women that were bullies.
Jealousy and a passive aggressive management style are to blame in these queen bee situations.

I hope my school bullies are miserable now. I hope life has treated them the way they treated me. They made my life hell.

Most people wouldn't bully if they knew how it felt themselves.

Insecure people, brittle ego s.

I think kids often know that they are bullies as playground dynamics can be quite stark. But adult bullies I think often operate from a place of thinking they are doing the right thing in some way.

I think both. Hurt people hurt people, misery loves company etc I think bullies also have other anti social traits, so they get a kick out of seeing suffering.

Your post resonated with me. I couldn’t care less over my high school bullies but I get where you’re coming from.

Not always, no. Quite a lot of bullies are the popular kids who have a following. The research I’ve seen suggests those bullies are happy enough adults (yeah, unfair, I know). Those who were both bully and victim do poorly with mental health as to victims who didn’t bully others. Peer bullying at school the Cinderella trauma - usually minimised but can have a lasting impact.

I think it's a split. There are people who are really just fucking miserable bastards; no joy in life at all, unhappy with what they've got, who they're with, and it shows. These tend to be the more snide types who crawl out to rub salt in wounds or bring down other people's joy. They get a thrill out of it, but they're usually the sort who'd never dare say much to a group or face to face. Cowards; usually envious.

Then there's the angry sorts. Possible self esteem issues, maybe, but it's a power trip. Usually either stronger, in management, a position of power, and they know it and use it to take out their problems.

Both are just as bad in different ways. I don't think they regard themselves as bullies though. They think their behaviour is justified because "ugh look at her being happy, bitch", or they have an inflated ego.

I would imagine the person was mentally ill. Or that they had a disorder that means they don't realise what they're doing is bad or wrong?
Or they're just very insecure in many ways and have a very domineering character to try and mask that. Or they're just an arsehole.

I met our school bully as an adult and bizarrely she went on about about how SHE was bullied. She named a girl who was definitely her victim as a bully. It was really extraordinary. I think she had parcelled it all up in her head and now believes that to be the truth.

I’ve been unfortunate to have crossed paths with bullies quite a few times in my life (including my own Mother). My mother liked taking people down a peg or 2, enjoyed making people miserable and making everything about herself. I think she was unhappy deep down and wanted others to feel the same way as her. Her main targets were always people who seemed happy and had non-confrontational personalities.

Another relative got a kick out of tormenting. They would smirk as they did things to press buttons and hurt someone. Always looking for peoples weak spot and pressing that. I don’t think they are unhappy. They have a Mean Girl persona and come across like they think they are superior to others. More a stereotypical narcissist - gregarious, values only beauty and money. Always targets people who have different values.

A member of DHs family is just plain nasty and doesn’t fall into either category. Will target anyone with her nasty tongue and isn’t selective. Just a total inability to be nice, and again always targets peoples weak point. Another one with an air of superiority.

So I think bullies are a mix of emotions inside, but on the whole they appear very pleased with themselves and the opposite of unhappy. I think it’s driven by either feeling they are better than everyone else, or wanting to drag people down who they perceive as better than them so that they can put themselves back at the top of the list in their mind.
And then some are just repeating learnt behaviours which is more likely to stem from unhappiness.

I think there are just some genuinely unkind/nasty people out there. Don't give a hoot how they make anyone else feel, as long as they themselves are ok.

I can barely remember my high school bullies. I also don't care if they are doing well or not. High school is only a vague memory, now, and I am not sorry for it.

When I look back, the school bullies tended to come from poverty and had various very tough stuff at home to deal with.

People make up a lot of excuses for bullies and their bullying.
Most of those that I have known are quite happy and are happy to continue to bully others.
I knew one colleague that bullied those around him because he finally had the power and could finally bully those around him after being bullied at school.
I know others that bully because they believe that they are better than those around them, a belief enforced by their parents.
The worst one though was a narcissist who enjoyed putting others down but was in effect supported by management because they didn't want to be on the end off it. he was also the one that was very good at getting people to believe that he was the one being bullied.