Dioyou think this age gap is weird? 40M and 21M

[Seendacut]

It's none of my business but I find it a bit gross. I don't know any couples with massive age gaps so never really thought about it until now and I find myself finding it a bit gross and I'm annoyed about myself for feeling like that!

Edit: that was supposed to say 40M and 21F!!

I'd find it creepy as fuck regardless of the sexes! That's in the "young enough to be his child" category.

It’s been the case for centuries, hasn’t it, men interested in women who are 20, 30 plus yrs younger than them.Now l’m my early 40’s l do think it is a bit creepy.Exactly that, why would you want to be with someone, who’s young enough to be your, child, grandchild!!
Men in their 60/70’s have flirted, randomly started chatting to me, l just think no thank you, because l would never be interested in a man in his 20’s (not saying they’d be interested in me) But wouldn’t that be the same thing, the gap is too big.The amount of times of heard, age is just a number, from a man, however it doesn’t seem to apply the other way around, a woman their age or older.Of course there are women who are in relationships with younger men, but from what l can see, the age gaps are not as big.

I thought it was creepy when I thought you meant two males and I still think it's creepy when I see you meant a female.

I think it's a bit creepy and I often wonder what will happen when they are older they'll never really have a retirement together

It's creepy, not sure why you'd be annoyed at yourself for recognising that. 🤔

I'd worry if that was my DD...
But there again, I would also be worried if the male was my DS.

For different reasons, which is probably unfair....
For DD, is she being coerced?
For DS, what does the future hold with someone half your age?

He'll have a live-in nurse he's been manipulating for years, though. The sheer lack of life experience is one of the things that attracts these men to barely-adult women.

I think it’s fine, I’m 48 and my partner is 69. When I was 25 I met a 51 year old man and we had a lovely relationship for a few years. When we broke up it was for other reasons, not our age gap.

They will. The man is very well off. She doesn't work at the moment and won't ever need to if she doesn't want to. They are engaged after 18m of dating so very much a serious relationship. She is mature for her age too so hopefully will work out.

That's what made me feel uneasy about it. I have a daughter and id be grossed out if she was with a 50 year old man as soon as she left uni. But at the same time I think well is it really a big deal if they are both happy and consenting.

"Mature for your age" is what every pedo and predator tells girls and women. It doesn't mean they are either of a legal age (not the case here) or have the actual life experience to see through male manipulation and protect themselves.

My brother is 31 and seeing an 18 year old. My DD is nearly 17 so an obvious comparison, and it feels very wrong to me.

They don’t care what you think though. The men care what other men think and other men will be very impressed!
Marriage can be transactional so as long as they’re both happy. I have an aunt by marriage who was 25 when she married my 65 year old uncle. She was an internet bride from Ukraine. They had a baby then he died at 72. She is very wealthy and happy! 😆

My lovely partner is 16 years younger than me. Our ages are 43 and 59 though. I don't think we would have been a good match when he was 21 and I was 37. We would have been at such completely different stages in our lives.

The two people in question though are adults, able to make decisions about relationships.

Yes 21 is still so young and there will be an obvious power imbalance in that relationship.

Having had a very short fling (2 dates, lots of messaging) with a 27 year old when I was 49... it's pretty unimaginable to me that anyone could have a sustained fulfilling relationship with that gap. And double that when the younger one is SO young. Clearly people do. But if my 20 year old ds turned up with a 41 year old when he's next home I would be wearing an unimpressed face.

It is not the age gap it is the age of the female. 21 is very young. If people look after their health 20 years is nothing in terms of chronological age.

If the F was in her 30’s and the male late 40’s this is more acceptable.

21 year olds IMO are very young to get married and have children etc.

However, that is because I lived my life traveling the world in my 20’s. The thought of marriage and children would never have crossed my mind.

I think the question is would this 21 year old F be with this 40 year old M if he was not wealthy? I would look into her motives too.

This bride to be is Ukrainian too!
Maybe it's a eastern European thing cultural- they don't really care about age gaps as much as we do.

Very young woman from a war-torn country marrying a wealthy man twice her age ... that screams desperation and exploitation to me. He sounds more and more like a predator.

It's a cultural thing to marry into money/ foreigner/ higher status man. Age is irrelevant. In this context, she isn't a victim, she is fully aware of what she is doing and the outcome she wants to achieve. I'd also add that Eastern European women are more mature than Western European women.

That doesn't excuse the wealthy foreign men.

Yes I think this too. She most definitely hasn't been tricked or coerced into this. The man is decent and a good guy, not some creepy peado which ppl assume.

My sister married a 41year old when she was 21. Our parents were unimpressed and it took me a few years to accept him.

However they have been married nearly thirty years now and have made a good life together.

I completely agree. However, there was a thread from a little while back about 16yo girls in relationships with 20/21yo men and the vast majority (presumably mostly women on here) were saying that it was no issue whatsoever; many reasoned that girls mature much more quickly than boys, so it was pretty much even anyway.

I was shocked at the prevailing opinion, tbh (I'd probably be dismissed as a pearl-clutcher, mind).

My cousin married a man who was a couple of years older than her father. They had a happy marriage (as far as I'm aware), but not a particularly long one.

I think there's also an issue with a woman who is 20, 30 or more years younger than the man, as it tends to be the woman's biology/plans/greater involvement which drives when they have children.

Such a set-up may work nicely for the couple, for however long they have together, but it frequently invariably means that the children will lose their father at a very young age.