Travelling to see family for Christmas - SEN child and pregnant 🙈

[Mamma37868]

My parents want my family to visit for Christmas (we've lived abroad until recently so this will be the first time). It would probably be a day trip, 2h by car, and they live in London.

We have a 6yo with SEN and high needs. We've done the trip many times and it's been fine for 2-3h, but we've never travelled longer than that by car. I'm also going be in 8 months pregnant. 🙈

DH is worried about getting stuck in traffic on the M25 and says it's madness to go too close to Christmas. I want to propose going in mid December, so 7/8 or 14/15, which I know is very early but 21/22 is surely going to be very busy?

Any advice or thoughts please? We'd go first thing in the morning to said avoid as much traffic as possible.

(I initially posted this on the Christmas thread but having looked at the description of it, it doesn't seem like the right place!)

I’m not convinced there is a good time to go on the M25 although in my experience holiday time is often not as bad as you expect due to the reduction in commuters! I’d look up the local hospitals and pack in case you need to visit.

I think you’re right; once schools break up it’ll be busy and that weekend will be prime travelling time. Also when it came to a 4-6 weeks before my due date I said no to travelling; I was uncomfortable on long journeys and didn’t want to be far from my local hospital.
Also my experience of a child with SEN is that they they need down time between school finishing and Christmas

Invite your parents to visit you.

At 8 months, I wouldn't be going anywhere, especially the M25.

I sometimes think the medieval tradition of 'Lying in', when the Mother to be took herself to a darkened room pre-birth and didn't emerge until 40 days post birth, was not a bad idea.

The 40 days is in Chinese culture too, but your parents come and stay with you for 40 days! And sometimes they stay forever! 😅

Parents are in their 70s and don't drive, public transport would take over 2.5h each way and I couldn't ask it of them with Christmas crowds. We also don't have space - no spare room, and I don't think they would want to pay for a hotel.

Thanks for confirming that it's probably not a good idea. We'll do an early Christmas in mid Dec instead.

Tbh it sounds like your DH is making excuses to me

Go for christmas!
I'd guess the 25th the roads will be quiet.

As regular users of the M25 on Christmas Day this is not a safe assumption at all. OK no big trucks on the road but our usual 1hr 45min trip has taken nearer 3 on many a year.

Maybe not such a good idea then!

At 8 months pregnant I'd give this a miss. Stay home and have your own quiet family Christmas.

Maybe go and see them for a day in the next few weeks instead?

If you have to do the journey, the M25 is likely to be a avoidable if you use other roads. Just needs a little advance planning. I do this with my Sen kid. I prefer not to be on M25 so that we can stop when needed at McDonald's or supermarket or a little Tesco or a park. I use Google maps to find playgrounds near the route. They'll have an image of it too. It will add a bit of time but it does reduce my stress as I usually get v stressed at thought of not being able to get across lanes to the next exit. Motorway claustrophobia!

Yes maybe but it's not just him. I'm finding 30 mins in the car very tiring and I'm only 6 months in. I was huge at 8 months with my first. I'm willing to do a 2h drive in December but I'm really worried about getting stuck in traffic. It would also have to be a day trip as there's no space at my parents, so I don't want 4h driving to turn into 6h or more of driving.

I agree with those who say they should come to you. 2 hours in a car will easily turn into 2.5 or more which is what you say they would have by public transport. I'm not sure why you "couldn't ask it if them" when they're asking you to do a similar, if not more stressful, journey 8 months pregnant with a child in tow.

They're 70+ and would have to take the tube across London (I think about 45 mins) plus a train, which is another 90 mins. They wouldn't want to stay in a hotel either so I'd be asking them to travel 4h round trip at best on public transport over Christmas. They've only done that journey once and the train broke down! 🙈

It does feel ridiculous to complain as they're only two hours away, it should be so do-able and so many people must be doing a similar journey. But when I think of all the potential delays I think we'd both rather stay at home which is a shame too!

Would you normally give them a gift and vice versa? If yes, could you all agree to split the cost of a room instead, so they can come to you? If, of course, it's because of the cost that they don't want to stay in a hotel.

We don't actually do gifts - we barely do Christmas tbh, just the meal, but they've been feeling left out as we spent last Christmas with in laws and it is obviously a lot more fun with a small grandchild.

They object to the cost of a hotel on principle - I imagine it's also higher during the holidays.

Thanks for the suggestion though. I think we're just going to go the weekend before and hope for the best.