Would you read your child’s diary?

[Littlelife43]

Just curious- would you if it was easily accessible to you? I definitely wouldn’t even if I was curious.
my mom read my diary when I was around 16/17 and totally misinterpreted what I had been writing about (she assumed I was having sex with a certain boy when I wasn’t) she got herself so worked up about it she had to take a few days off work. I ended up coming out as gay not long after that but she still maintained I had done it anyway She made me feel so dirty and when I think about it I still feel so annoyed. Even though it’s 25 years ago. I challenged her on it a few years ago and she stood over doing it as if it was her right as a parent.

Only if I was worried about something serious, county lines, eating disorder, self harm.

Never. Not even if worried about something serious/terrible. It would destroy all trust if they found out. But that’s easy for me to say as my DSs have been open about the hard stuff they’ve been through - if they were the keep it bottled up types I might rethink that stance.

I don’t have a child but if I did then I would want to because it would be adorable

My mum did it when I was about 20 and at uni; she misunderstood what I'd written and rang me up and accused me of something. She still refuses to acknowledge that it was a shit thing to do and an invasion of privacy. I've never quite forgiven her.

!!!! Same!

Yes I would, and have but I would never let them know.

I guess having a suicidal, uncommunicative child warps your boundaries a little though.

It gave me enough information to pick up on a very mild, oblique reference to someone in school, and ask a pertinent question that opened the floodgates.

If you do have a child please don't do this.

I admire all your self control. I bought my kids books with a number lock on them because I'd probably get tempted one time. I wouldn't mention it but I would read it if I hadn't put a barrier there.
I think all the "of course I'd read it" people are not commenting because they'd get flamed by the less nosey/ more self controlled people.

Only if there were genuine concerns that put them at serious risk of harm eg suicide risk, sexual abuse, addiction. Not “are they shagging the boy next door”.

My just turned 5 year old writes “a diary” and I do read that because I love seeing her attempts at spelling. But she has no idea it is meant to be secret. I will stop doing it when she is bigger!

Never. I've seen it lying around in dds room but would never invade her privacy and read it.

I want to have a child. Ishould’ve said, I would read it if they are still a child and writing about something they have done that day. I don’t mean reading about their relationships, personal or sexual life when they are older.

I was going to say no absolutely not but reading this has give me a slightly different perspective and I think maybe if I was faced with a situation like this then yes I would

I think this is the only situation where it’s totally fine, or similarly if you are concerned about a child’s MH to the extent you think they are in danger of hurting themselves.

I am glad you DD got the treatment she needed

Having a dc who has attempted suicide multiple times and who has a tendency to go into themselves a lot and struggle to express their worries to me/dh yes I possibly would.
In the same way we used to check their phone to see what they were accessing and limit use. Although they don’t have a diary (that I know about) and they are actually now pretty good at writing me a letter occasionally and leaving it on my pillow if they want me to know something but don’t feel able to articulate it in person.

I’m not a perfect parent and I’m not ashamed to say I would look if I was worried about them.
Can’t imagine wanting to read either of the other dc’s diaries if they had them, I don’t have concerns about them.

to my knowledge though, none of them have diaries!

Yes, probably, if I had serious concerns around their safety/well-being (the suicidal examples upthread for example).

Well mine tried to die twice in the space of four days so I sort of felt like I might want to know what was going on. Because she didn't have the ability to discuss it, but she seemed to be able to write it down in fits and starts.

My mum read my diary. I'm so glad she did. I was incredibly vulnerable and whilst she didn't tell me she'd read my diary for years, she knew why I was so closed off and sad, and made it better. If I was a happy child I would have been upset to learn she'd read it.

I think a lot of people are conflating "reading" with "reading and then using the information to harass or abuse".

If I was worried about my child and not getting anywhere with trying to talk to them then yes I'd probably exhaust every avenue I could, including reading diaries and phone messages, web browser history etc.

But I wouldn't then go "what do you mean you're depressed/have an ED/pregnant, we took you to stately homes!!"

I hope I never would unless i thought she was at serious risk of harm (eg drugs or grooming). My parents have had every opportunity to read my diaries but I'm sure they haven't. I'm really really incredibly grateful for that and appreciate it more than they will ever know.

Yes, I have in the past as I had serious concerns for their mental health. They never hid the diary, and left it next to their bed.

After losing a parent to suicide I knew I would never forgive myself if I lost a child this way too. So I read, not in detail, but got a gist of the low feelings they were experiencing and we sought more urgent help.
I told them I read it and why, and they were ok actually and it opened up subjects they were afraid to discuss. Once they knew I knew, it helped them to open up.
I have never read a diary since that 1 time and fully agree with my choice back then.

my mother got me a diary with a lock aged 12. I wrote in it. She broke the lock and read it. She then quoted bits at family dinners to cause me huge embarrassment

I did. The diary evolved from her school daily journals (which the school gave parents every 2-3 months).
it was obvious the journaling was a mix of reality and fantasy. Which made the eventual entries about teen angst (thoughts of self harm/food disorder/fellow obsession etc.) difficult.
Her journal was somewhat hidden, not locked and beautifully written with drawings as well.
I didn’t tell her I read it until many many years later.
concerning entries were somehow segwayed into everyday conversations.
In hindsight I should have approached parenthood differently.

Maybe as a very young child. But once they get a bit older, it's good to give them that bit of privacy. Especially at teenage ages. I can kind of understand that if you see your child going through something, you may want to know and read it to find out. But this would involve lying to your child as they will more likely than not be angry at the invasion of privacy so you'd have to be discreet. But I definitely understand that if it helps with a child's well-being, fair enough.

Either way - not adorable!!

I kept a diary once and my mum found it and read it out to my family. Please don't read your child's diary.

I think unless there are extreme circumstances then it is absolutely not acceptable to do. A younger child maybe just to make sure all was ok depending on if I was concerned about anything but would be very discreet. Generally speaking we are all entitled to a bit of privacy!