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Completely reassessing this friendship

3 replies

Bearpatch · 21/10/2024 16:27

One where I've previously said he was a good decent man and a brilliant support during a terrible time.

I've known him for years, but while I was nursing DH through a terminal illness, he became a really good friend, supporting both DH and I when lots of "better" friends seemed to melt away.

This continued after DH died (several years ago now) and we're good friends. We did briefly skirt around the possibility that it could be more than friends but decided we're better as friends. We never slept together, although at the time I'd have been willing and actually thanked him for being honest with me before that happened.

Since then, I have realised that he targets vulnerable women. Target probably makes it sound worse than it is, I doubt he does that consciously, but his "type" is definitely women who need looking after.

He then isn't particularly good to them. He will take care of them in practical ways, but will be quite manipulative with their emotions. E.g. will tell them he's busy just to keep them on their toes, will post photos with other women, when he was actually out in a group and there's nothing off about the situation at all, deliberately to make the jealous.

So, this means he's not all the good guy I thought he was, but also, makes me wonder if our freindship was all part of that process and whether he cooled the idea of any realtionship when he realised I was actually less vulnerable than I might have been, given my circumstances at the time.

Or I'm giving it too much thought and be glad to have him around for what he does still bring to my life. A fun night out with friends and the knowledge that if I needed help e.g. moving some furniture or changing a wheel, he'd come without hesitation?

OP posts:
w0nderwall · 21/10/2024 16:35

I’m sure it does happen. We once had someone working on our house who pretty much said he’d met his partner when her husband was dying - shoulder to cry on and all that - but all along he hoped for more.

He probably thought he was lovely and sympathetic and caring but from the outside - never met his partner - it sounded fairly creepy and manipulative. He was a bit odd, which didn’t help.

EmeraldRoulette · 21/10/2024 16:40

How do you know he does this, have the women involved spoken to you? Or has he said this?

Bearpatch · 21/10/2024 16:41

EmeraldRoulette · 21/10/2024 16:40

How do you know he does this, have the women involved spoken to you? Or has he said this?

No, he's told me!

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