Hi all, random post. Probably pointless but want to express how I feel.
on my mothers side oldest or 4, me, sibling a few years younger than my mum had my 2 sisters close together when I was a teenager. I have nothing in common with my brother who is a few years younger than me, it’s not that we don’t get on, we just don’t see each other much and in completely different stages of life. My younger sisters are great but they are close being close in age and at a totally different life stage to me. I’m in my thirties whereas they are late teens. I love my mum but I feel like she favours the younger two and we’ve barely spent any time together for several years. My brother is moving away further afield soon.
on my fathers side I have siblings from my bio fathers 3 baby mums (3 including my mum so 2 other mums). I know 2 of them as they weren’t much difference in age than me & we grew up knowing we were half siblings but not had much contact with his younger kids. I only met him for the first time as an adult. I was close to one of my siblings on his side as a kid but more as friends and we grew apart (our mums knew each other and decided to raise us knowing we were siblings despite the dead beat dad). Lately I’ve been missing her lots. She lives fairly close but we haven’t really spoke much in many years. I don’t want to look a fool reaching out
i do not have many close friends as my barriers are very high and I struggle to let people in. I’ve always struggled to make friendships. I convince myself that people are only nice because they feel like they have to be. I think like I am a nice person but I’m not great with social cues - I’m likely to be on the spectrum - both my dc are.
Anyone else feel like this? I know some people are generally only children and I’m not but I feel so lonely sometimes and see other families where siblings are really close.
I also don’t really have any cousins either.
I have my partner. He too has big age gaps with his siblings but he is pretty close to them despite not living locally. His mother also made time for all of them whereas I feel like my mother always prioritised the younger ones. My partner also grew up with tens of first cousins which I never had. I had not first cousin I barely knew as he lived with his mum miles away.
also I think I don’t have any shared experiences with siblings and my younger siblings have had a different version of my mum than me but that’s a whole different story. I never knew bio dad until I was an adult.