MIL fell - what can we do to keep her safer?

[pontipinemum]

My MIL is 73, she had a fall yesterday thankfully DH, SIL and myself were all there. Then BIL came over to help us get her up safely. FIL was also there. She just caught her toe on the join between two floors, I've done it myself. I can still see it in slow motion in my head.

She had a bad stint with cancer 2 years ago (I know it's never easy for anyone) where she spent months at a time in hospital. She has recovered remarkably well from this and can do all her usual things at home. Just maybe a bit slower.

FIL now also has cancer and will be away for treatment during the week.

I think understandably we are all worried about MIL being in the house alone. Not to her complete determent but she is a proud woman who won't accept too much help. She won't live with DH and me during the week while FIL is away and she doesn't want a button around her neck.

I've suggested DH/ BIL take turns in sleeping over. (SIL lives in a diff city and will be taking FIL to treatment). We have 2 young children, 1 who is 11 weeks old and breastfed so I can't really take a turn. But being on mat leave I will go over every afternoon for an hour or so for a bit of company. We are also looking into getting her a watch that makes phone calls.

Sorry this is more of a release. But if anyone has any ideas we would be grateful?

I think investigating what is available locally for falls prevention would be a good idea, if this isn't a one off.
Both from the pov of an OT assessing her home, and sorting hazards, and adding aides, but also from the pov of exercise classes and groups.
There are lots of exercise classes around here that both work on things like balance, but also on 'how to get yourself up' / what to do if have a fall.

I agree with your MiL about lack of pockets - I wonder if she would wear dome sort of a phone carrier thingee if a clever MNer could link to one (I'm thinking along the lines of a cross between the over the shoulder school purses we used to have, and a small cross body bag, or maybe some thing akin to a lanyard ? Which (psychologically) seem less "old people-y" than a pendant alarm, as clearly, at 73, she won't see herself as old at all.

Re the personal alarm, my uncle has one that looks like an Apple Watch. You wouldn't know it was an alarm. Perhaps she would use that?

This plus a pendant.

I thought reading your message the first time that MIL has not yet recovered from fall and so you were worried about her being alone at home.
Unless falling becomes a regular thing with her, I agree with PP saying she is too young and fit to think of carrying an alarm, and may remain so for many years.
However, it is heartening to hear of adult children thinking ahead about their parents' possible decline and wondering what would help.

Gosh my dad is that age and still works! Unless she’s unwell, I can’t see why you’d need to do anything while she is still young. 73 is hardly aged now.

Could she wear her phone in a case around her neck?
I posted earlier but here's what I have
iPhone with find my friends enabled with my 3 sons and a local friend who can see my whereabouts( in case I fall outside)
I have an apple HomePod which links to above and I can ask it to call!
I also have vinyl flooring with no rugs or obstacles on the floor( which sounds obvious I know)
I believe some of the smart watches have a fall detector too
It's not age that matters, it's her physical needs that count
Does she/ would she swim?
That's really helpful to build muscle strength.
Also make sure she has " grippy slippers) or even trainers on

@pontipinemum take a look at the personal alarm watch called Your Stride. It looks like a normal smartwatch, it has inbuilt GPS so if she falls you know where she is, and the support centre can talk to her through the watch itself.

Spy cameras? I’d refuse, what a gross invasion of privacy.
BIL in America suggested a spy camera for MIL in England - so he could contact DH and tell him to do something if he couldn’t see MIL on screen. He never thought that she could be sitting happily in another room

I am also the same age. I live on my own in a very rural area. I had cancer two years ago and a hip replacement in the last year. I don't consider myself elderly and I would be irritated if my DC started treating me as if I needed a lot of care or couldn't live on my own.
Your MIL may feel very differently but I think you should ask her.
My 95 year old mother (who also lives on her own in a very rural area) has an alarm bracelet which activates a call system automatically if she falls. Your MIL may prefer a bracelet to a pendant as it is more discreet. But I don't think she needs one unless she is prone to falls. I certainly wouldn't want one at my age. Perhaps she could just carry her mobile with her at all times when she is alone.
It is lovely that you care about her though.

My mum fell a few weeks ago - it’s difficult to think of her being vulnerable and I’m sure it is for you too. To help us and reassure us, she agreed to a necklace Care on Call button. She doesn’t think she needs it but has got used to putting it on when she’s in the house. It impacts such a lot on family members when accidents and fall happens - looking at it another way, your MIL would be showing you some kindness and understanding by deciding to have something similar.

Oh no, sorry to hear your mil had a fall.. and nice to hear you're so caring about it.
I would say, without being too intrusive in her home, a couple of ideas;
Get rid of all clutter that might be a hazard.
Get rid of all mats and rugs.
Look at footwear- good, supportive slippers inside.
Look af the actual structure of the home, are there any steps that could be got rid of?
Are there suitable grab rails where needed?
Is there a good non slip shower mat?/seat for showering if needed?
Is she on medication?-could any of them be contributing to risk of falls?- ask the GP.
Encourage her to keep active and mobile and out and about as much as possible- a fall can really knock the confidence.

Would you be able to turn it in to a situation where she thinks she’d actually be helping you, just by being there? New baby, older child and an extra set of eyes?

Was just going to suggest this. Mum has a discreet bracelet with a button, it has inbuilt technology that not only can she press to summon help but it detects falls and if it doesn't detect her getting up within a certain time sends an alert to the call centre automatically.

Our set up is that they try to talk to her through a central speaker on the main device that just plugs into the wall, if she doesn't respond or tells them she needs help they then call me or DH. If neither or us respond they dispatch one of their crews to the house (you'd need a key safe) and they carry lifting equipment. We can also summon the lifting team. But they can also dispatch an ambulance or fire or whatever is needed.

She's had it for about 18 months and never used it until Friday last week when she had her first ever fall that she couldn't get up or get help herself and it detected it and we got to her in less than 30 minutes.

It's worth its weight in gold and more for peace of mind alone, I dread to think what would have happened had she not had it.

The company we use is called Carium not sure if it's nationwide though.

Mum is 71 btw so not elderly exactly but has health conditions that entitles her to the service.

I'm sorry to hear that your mum had a fall. However, and I say this with kindness, unless your mum wants to wear a pendant or bracelet alarm, there's little point in getting one.

My mum was ten years older than yours and very unsteady on her feet (including needing a crutch to walk) when she had a couple of small falls outside the home. My siblings and I got her a fall alarm that could either be a pendant or a bracelet, although she wasn't 100% keen on the idea.

Fast forward 15 months, and my mum had a more serious fall at home. She wasn't wearing her alarm and was only found after spending the night on the floor. Needless to say, she ended up in hospital. Before she was discharged, one of the occupational therapists called me to discuss adaptations for mum at home. When I said mum had a fall alarm but hadn't been wearing it, the OT said that she heard that a lot - it's really common. They think of the alarms as just one part of a package of ways to reduce the risk of harm from falls. Things that your mum's on board with, like sorting out uneven flooring and removing trip hazards, might be as much as is possible to do at the moment.

One thing I really came to appreciate with my mum was that she was an autonomous adult, and we couldn't force her to do anything, however much we might wish she would. . Her values and priorities in the situation were different to ours, and to keep the dialogue going, we needed to respect that.

Neighbour is an exercise instructor and she teaches her “senior” groups who struggle with mobility exactly how to get up off the floor - says everyone should know how to do this (unless severely disabled)

It's only invasive if people don't know. We don't have cameras upstairs or on if anyone is home.