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Feeling so fed up and sad.

5 replies

Autumnal589 · 20/10/2024 21:53

I am 39 and feel my life is a mess. If I had known at 16 that my life would be like this at nearly 40 then I don't know what I would have done.
This past decade in particular has been awful. Redundancy from a long term job and diagnosed with 2 chronic illnesses. The decade before wasn't much better. Found out something awful about a friend, countless family issues, sisters mental health issues resulting in hospital admission.
My life before this was OK. I was a professional dancer, I loved secondary school, had a few close friends etc. None of it has gone my way since.

I work but earn an embarrassing low amount which doesn't reflect the work I put in. My family don't understand my illnesses and are either disinterested or judge me. I still live at home which really embarrasses me. My parents are youngish (still mid sixties) but both been retired for a long time or semi retired which means we are all under each others feet and they are very noisy which means WFH is not an option for me. Although I pay my way and do chores around the house, it's clear I am a drain on them and that they want to move to another area but feel they can't because of me and how difficult it would be to get to hospital appointments and work as I don't drive. All my money is focused on moving out. Yet I see old school friends who are doing very small hours at work yet living in lovely homes as their partners pay the mortgage. I know the grass isn't always greener but there's one I know who has an adoring fiance, she works about 8 hours a week in an easy role so can socialise the rest of the week and she has a good relationship with family and friends.
I feel all my life I've been too compliant and 'good' and this is why I am here in this position. Even if my wage massively improves my health won't and not many can afford to live alone on a single wage. The media were reporting on this the other day.

Please be kind. Just wanted to offload my feelings.

OP posts:
Nanny31 · 20/10/2024 22:06

Sorry to hear this.
Life can sometimes drag us down but we keep on going.

My sister is struggling with her mental health too, which in turn is giving me sleepless nights. Just be there, listen, love, but don't lose yourself.

Could you look at a health plan to improve your situation?

Maybe you are feeling cooped up, so make sure you are getting fresh air. Notice how pretty autumn can look.

Read a good book.

Keep on working and saving and I hope your goals and wishes come true.

Isanyonereallyanonymous · 20/10/2024 22:37

I don’t really have any advice as in my mid-30’s I’m feeling similarly rubbish about life currently (although I acknowledge I’m very very lucky to have my own home)

Would moving into a house share or being a lodger be a better alternative for you? Maybe closer to the hospital for your appointments too? I appreciate the goal is money to one side for accomodation but can you take driving lessons at all?

I will say, don’t compare your life to others, comparison being the thief of joy and all that. If you looked on my social media it looks all sunshine and roses… it isn’t! And I’d hazard a guess that applies to most.

Chin up OP, hope things start to feel easier soon

EmeraldRoulette · 20/10/2024 22:39

I'm sorry to hear you've had such a hard time. Trying to pick out some points from your post.

I'm sorry also that your family are not understanding. Are there any local groups you can join? Also there is a board here for chronic illness (if you're not already on it).

Do you think you would be happier in a house share? Have you discussed your parents move with them? If you moved with them, how far would it be in terms of getting to work? is there a compromise location maybe?

Autumnal589 · 20/10/2024 22:56

I couldn't even afford a houseshare to be honest. Also there are age limits on a lot of them. People are on the whole looking for those under 40.I just feel so despondent. It just feels like I can't progress unless I meet someone or come into a mega amount of money. I know it is really unhealthy to look at others lives, I just wish my life was as easy. Like the woman I referred to in my OP. I work harder but because she has a partner she doesn't have to yet has it all. Yet I am the one who is judged and pitied. It's incredibly frustrating.

My parents aren't moving but I know they want to. Which then makes me feel even worse because I know I am a burden on them.

I know this all sounds whiney and pathetic but I am fed up. I have worked hard, been through a lot of struggles and am a considerate and kind person yet I have ended up here in this position.

OP posts:
SunriseMonsters · 20/10/2024 23:03

Can you retrain in a field that pays better?

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