I am 39 and feel my life is a mess. If I had known at 16 that my life would be like this at nearly 40 then I don't know what I would have done.
This past decade in particular has been awful. Redundancy from a long term job and diagnosed with 2 chronic illnesses. The decade before wasn't much better. Found out something awful about a friend, countless family issues, sisters mental health issues resulting in hospital admission.
My life before this was OK. I was a professional dancer, I loved secondary school, had a few close friends etc. None of it has gone my way since.
I work but earn an embarrassing low amount which doesn't reflect the work I put in. My family don't understand my illnesses and are either disinterested or judge me. I still live at home which really embarrasses me. My parents are youngish (still mid sixties) but both been retired for a long time or semi retired which means we are all under each others feet and they are very noisy which means WFH is not an option for me. Although I pay my way and do chores around the house, it's clear I am a drain on them and that they want to move to another area but feel they can't because of me and how difficult it would be to get to hospital appointments and work as I don't drive. All my money is focused on moving out. Yet I see old school friends who are doing very small hours at work yet living in lovely homes as their partners pay the mortgage. I know the grass isn't always greener but there's one I know who has an adoring fiance, she works about 8 hours a week in an easy role so can socialise the rest of the week and she has a good relationship with family and friends.
I feel all my life I've been too compliant and 'good' and this is why I am here in this position. Even if my wage massively improves my health won't and not many can afford to live alone on a single wage. The media were reporting on this the other day.
Please be kind. Just wanted to offload my feelings.