In a bit of a rut

[Miiiim]

Just feel quite down. My relationship has took a nose dive since DS2 (10mo, eldest just turned 3) it’s been so hard and I’m worried like there’s no fixing it? That we’re heading for a split

I feel like a shell of a person. I have Asperger’s and I’ve always had a sense of mimicking to fit in but now it’s like I’m full blown copying people (buying same clothes , stuff for house even kids clothes) because I feel like I have no identity

im so lonely I don’t really have friends and my family is tiny. DH doesn’t make any effort with his family so we barely mix

Sorry to hear you are feeling down. It's a tough time having two very young children. I bet your sleep isn't great. Give yourself a break! Maybe have a special meal with your partner once a week in the house - could just be something different you cook together. For yourself, maybe start going to a tots group and definitely get out and about in any sunshine that comes our way. Don't worry too much about copying others style etc - doesn't everyone? Make sure you sleep when the little ones do if you can.

I felt like I completely lost myself in the young baby days. Do you ever get a break? Can you schedule in time for some quality time for yourself/your marriage.

It does get easier, mine are 6 and 8 now. I feel comfortable in my own skin again, happier with my sense of style, mingling with people with similar interests and hobbies rather than just people who happen to have babies the same age.

It's a tough season but it does get better, you maybe just need to find some more support/relief to help you get through it x

I don’t really apart from work and he just makes digs that we never get alone time and we always do stuff with the kids

I feel bad about the copying once or twice someone has said oh we have this etc and it makes me embarrassed rhen

I just don’t know what to do I feel like if I walked away from the relationship would I regret it when things got a bit easier as the kids got older

(ps I know it doesn’t get easy I mean it’s slightly easier as they awont be babies)

This is what life is like with young kids. It seems your husband doesn't get that. It sounds like he has more of a problem than you do. You're experiencing fatigue, and no wonder. I'm betting you do the bulk of the childcare and housework, right? If so, that isn't fair and he needs to be told that if he wants alone time with you, he's going to have to do his share so you're not constantly busy and exhausted.
The feeling that you lack an identity is another thing altogether and needs to be sorted out with a therapist.
I'm high functioning ASD as well, so I understand how alienated you feel from others and the loneliness. Also, the sensory overload from having two young children must be getting to you.
You're going through a tough time. Don't make any rash decisions, though. See if you can work things out with your DH and figure out your own identity. However, you obviously are far too busy to do a lot of soul searching, so it will take time. DH needs to take the kids more to let you have some solo time to work it all out.

Yep I do and when I raise it with him he stresses how he works long hours to provide for us as he’s the chief earner and I’m grateful for that

bht it feels so stuck in the past? Times have changed ! Help out. I fucking work too

i don’t even know where to start identity wise :( feel like i just take bits and pieces and try and make me , me

thank you for mentioning the sensory stuff because sometimes it really does. Youngest hates the car so wails and eldest sings and speaks over him I’m glad he’s happy but driving under that just makes me feel like I’ll pass out

thank you yes It’s on my mind but I’m not jumping into divorce as it’s young years with the kids and I’m hoping I am just in a rut and this isn’t way too much longer