Worried I have offended my colleagues

[AnxiousandTeary]

I've recently started a TA job in a secondary school. I'm in my 40's. I love the job and the head asked me to be the HLTA. I was apprehensive because it would mean managing the other TA's who have worked at the school for longer. I refused. 2 weeks later my manager approached me saying that the HLTA job would just be more admin and interventions (which I like) and would not involve managing the other TA's. I accepted.

The manager said she will announce it to the TA's tmrw at our weekly meeting.

I agonised about whether I should tell the TA's myself but thought maybe the line manager wouldn't like it....I have only been at the school since mid of Sept.
Anyway, it was announced and out of the 6 TA's- only 2 congratulated me.

I know I need to not care about things like this but I absolutely hate office politics. I just want to do my job. The other TA's think that I make them look bad. They actually said this to me and I didn't know what to say.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
At times like this I wish I was more assertive, bold and brazen.

Should I apologise for not telling them....

Sorry to say it but, toughen up. You’re in your 40s. Just toughen up.

Depends how it was handled. If you were just given the job and it wasn’t advertised then that’s not right.

If you have shown people up - because there are poor TA like any profession than that’s on them.

They sound a bit petty. Just pay them no heed and odds are they'll find something else to be annoyed at before long.

Make them look bad?! I'd say: I love my job and I'm good at it. If you think you look bad at it that's down to you. People work differently, comparison isn't helpful. I'm not going to under perform and lose job satisfaction because you think I make you look bad, that's ridiculous. You do you, I'll do me.

You owe them no apology.

Also, it's work, you don't need people to like you, they aren't your friends, but respect is important and if they don't respect you then they could cause trouble. Which hopefully senior staff would see through, but just be wary.

I've just left a job as a TA partly due to the team I was in. Constant bitching from some about others in the team, oneupmanship, back handed compliments, telling tales to SENCO etc. Perhaps your team is like this in which case it's probably not you, it's them.

@Ivehearditbothways that's what I've been telling myself all weekend. I'm ridiculous and I think menopausal.

I would let it blow over, and meanwhile get stuck into the job and be good at it. It is a positive thing to work hard and be recognised as one of the good ones. Pull back from engaging with those who are not good and don't want to be good. There are going to be a lot of oddballs that float your way in life - it is good to learn how to swerve them while being true to your own values. Head down, get on with the work, be polite and use skills to exit conversations when needed. Steer to safety while liking yourself, that's the best way I think.

Just see it as the shadow side of the good that has come your way. It has shown others up, but you can't afford to take that on board or it will spoil your day and your good feeling. You could let it affect you, or you could just think, no, I am not going to go down with that ship, I am going to set those worries down and focus on the promotion and the job before me, and I am going to be good at it and enjoy it.

Congratulations by the way.

If they had an actual complaint, I’d say differently. But other adults coming to you and saying, “You’re making us look bad.” Well, they’re the idiots. That’s fully on them, if they don’t perform their jobs properly. When you’re dealing with people who behave like that, yet blame you for it, there isn’t anything else you can do. You won’t change their attitude. But you’re not the problem, they are. So, grow a thicker skin and carry on. It’s really not you and you have to be tougher against people like that coming at you.

Just do the job, be pleasant to everyone and don't apologise - you haven't done anything wrong! If they want to be involved in gossip and bitching, let them get on with it. Rise above it. If they think you make them look bad by doing your job, they need to do better 🤷‍♀️

How can you be HLTA & not manage the other TA's?

Was the position advertised?

I imagine being 'quietly promoted' over the others when your feet have barely hit the ground would never have gone down well whoever told them.

None of this is 'your fault' but I can see why they're not impressed,

I wouldn't apologies for not telling them, as you've done nothing wrong.

You could address it though, and say something like naturally you'd have liked to tell them yourself but the process was to announce it in the meeting.

But I wouldn't dwell on it, fact is some may not be happy about it but you just have to roll with it.

Completely agree with this.

You should probably learn to have a thicker skin since you work in a school. You'll get walked all over by having your current attitude.

You've done nothing wrong.

@Silvertulips no one wanted the job.

@BarbaraHoward thank you

@OttersAreMySpiritAnimal thank you. I need to stop people pleasing.

@Girasole02 The school is great, the SLT are supportive bit the TA's are so disgruntled. Always complaining.

@something2say
Great advice, thank you so much

@Ivehearditbothways my husband has the hide of a rhino and I really admire him for that. He really doesn't give a £%^&. Thank you for your advice.

@noseybookworm
Thank you. It is a great school in a deprived area and the children are thriving thanks to great teachers...

A big heartfelt thank you to all of the kind and caring mumsnetters who replied to me. The kindness of strangers is truly something else.

After reflecting, I really do need to work on myself after being a people pleaser all my life.

Thank you all. ❤️

Please don't blame hormones, as this can set women in the workplace back immeasurably.

Unless you've always been more assertive, bold and brazen in the past?

If they didn’t apply for the role, they can’t complain. I’d just get on with the job. Do a good job yourself and hopefully that will help, but don’t be afraid to manage them appropriately. They are there to do a job not bitch or complain all the time. You aren’t there to specifically make friends.
Have you managed people before?

Yeah, I cringe when I see woman saying “I’m hormonal.”
Just don’t. We really don’t need that.

@KissMyArt @Ivehearditbothways

I do feel hormonal.
I'm not usually someone who feels like crying. I've noticed menopausal symptoms and I'm trying to manage them.

Ofcourse I would not bring this up in the workspace but I do think it is significant. I don't feel like my usual self. My anxiety is through the roof at times and work drama doesn't help.

I agree, it could be that the senior management have let things slip with managing the current TAs , needed someone to step up to be the HLTA and also manage them, didn’t want to promote any of the existing staff (why) , so had the bright idea of bringing in someone from outside to lick them into shape. I might be completely wrong, but I have seen this management trick before, sometimes it works and the new person has the skills to change things where needed and build up the team, but it can lead to a lot of resentment if people think they are being railroaded. Hope it all goes well for you OP, take it easy for the first few weeks, make sure you ask them for suggestions about work and accept ideas from them with an open mind.

Did you apply and interview? In any school I’ve worked in this would be an internally advertised position then external if no candidates.

From what I have gathered

No one wanted the HLTA job. They told me they find their current job as a TA enough and stressful.

I'm just filling in until the school appoints a HLTA because it's too much for our line manager.

I'm going to see how it goes.
Thank you

I'm just filling in until the school appoints a HLTA because it's too much for our line manager.

So you haven't been offered the job, just a temporary stand-in role?

I'm not really sure why you're upset only two TAs congratulated you in that case?

Surely it's more a case of just acknowledging you've temporarily taken the role no-one else wants?

In fact I'd be more worried they're holding back from telling you why they really don't want it, and that they feel your manager has dumped it on the newbie, who doesn't really know any better?