Who feels worse after a break up? Dumper or Dumpee and why?

[Needalisteningear]

This made me think after seeing a Reddit thread.
It is completely situational? Or do dumpees 'get over it' quicker as they deal with the pain and hurt first? Does the dumper have regrets later on?

I've been the dumper and the dumpee and haven't come up with an answer with my experience!

Dumpee for sure. No control - it's not their decision. Plus wounded pride.

It utterly depends. First time I was dumped I was relieved, second time I cried and made a menace of myself to my friends for a good six months. First time I dumped someone I was devastated, even though it was the right decision. Although less of a menace perhaps than the second time I was dumped (but only because I knew it was socially unacceptable to dump someone and then complain bitterly).

I thought this, and then I read that the dumper feels worse roughly 3-4 months after breakup. I haven't regretted being the dumper at all, although I did feel bad for doing it.

Dumpee because the dumper starts the emotional detaching process as soon as they start considering dumping their partner. Even in situations where the dumpee later agrees that it’s for the best, they are playing emotional detachment catch up with the dumper.

Do you think you were devastated because you felt bad for doing it when you were the dumper? Or was it because you regretted it/missed it?

Entirely depends on the situation and the individuals, surely!

Yes. Especially if dumpee was completely blindsided!

Yes, situations will always come into it!

In that case it was both. I was only 21 and knew that I wasn’t ready to settle down. He was utterly fab but when I dumped him admitted he’d assumed we’d get married in a couple of years time. It was all pretty grim because I was so fond of him.

I still think about my first real relationship as a teen!

Definitely the dumped one. The dumper is just pretending, to try and convince themselves and others of their moral rectitude and compassionate sensitivity.

The dumpee. It can sometimes come as a total shock. The dumper will have been preparing to do the dumping for a while.

I know my ex (who dumped me) found it hard too, as him dumping me (after revealing he was leaving for someone else) ended up with me in hospital for a month afterwards. I was not crying in front of the TV with ice cream.