I really don't want to be here :(

[justme1010]

Hello I'm not attention seeking I've just got NOBODY. Nobody who gets me anyway.

I'm 30 weeks pregnant. A few months ago I HAD to leave my abusive partner. (Babies Dad)
I still had my own house thank god so moved back into it.

Trust me I loved babies dad. We had some lovely times. But his abuse got more and more and more intense.
He called me awful names. He's snap & shout at me. If I dared wake him from his sleep when I was poorly, he'd tell me how mad he was at me. He made it clear I was a nobody and everything about me was shit. Including how I looked.
He told me the baby was a curse and he hoped the baby would cause me a lifetime of shit because that's what I deserve. This is just a snippet. .

I left. I changed my number. Made my little house homely for baby. Cried alone most nights. Came round to realisation I'm alone.

Babies dad has been sending stuff for baby to my address. Including a very nice pushchair.

My parents visited me today and they said....
if he didn't want his child he wouldn't send a pushchair. He needs to be involved for the child and you should make things work

I started to cry and I said.. a pushchair & gifts is just hoovering me. Manipulating me. The cycle of abuse. They rolled their eyes at me. Like I'm hormonal and bonkers.
So I blew off on one. I've shouted & screamed. And I don't regret it.
They said I need to let him round and see baby etc... I said but if he's around me I cry all the time and baby needs a strong mum that's not round abuse
They said.. well if you're not strong enough he'll have to have the baby!!!!!

I'm gob smacked on every level.
My own family don't understand or support me.
I said how can you tell your daughter this??

They've left & walked out. I'm sat alone crying. I don't have friends or anything. I feel like I've been so so strong and got so much done alone etc for everyone to tell me to be with the person who made me sick.

I don't have one person to hug me and say you did right leaving.

They even asked if I'm gonna let him to the birth!????
I said no. He called me fat, ugly etc why would I want him at the birth where I'm vulnerable and naked etc? I said I'm gonna do it alone. Again, rolled eyes.

I'm absolutely distraught. It's hard being strong on your own and everyone making you feel like you're mad.

I stand on my feet. I'm 32. I work from home. I'm into my health. Never drink or anything else
Just in my own little world getting through life.

What do I do :(

I’m so so sorry. Your parents have behaved appallingly, they should be applauding you for leaving your abuser, not encouraging more contact.
Keep strong x

You absolutely do not need to accept his gifts. I'm sorry your parents aren't being supportive.. Concentrate on you and your baby.. ♥️

I'm so sorry your parents are idiots. Fuck them. Seriously, fuck them.

The good thing about having a baby is that you're forced to get out and about to groups, make friends, a free breastfeeding group for example you can get along to during pregnancy..

I’ll say it OP. You did the right thing for you and your baby. 100%. Your ex is abusive and has been vile and the best decision is the one you’ve made as hard as it is. Your parents can tell you your ex obviously wants to be part of your child’s life. Buying baby goods means nothing. Your child needs to be around a father who treats their mum with love, respect and kindness. That doesn’t sound anything like your ex.

You are the opposite of mad. You’ve made a very difficult choice at a very vulnerable time and sound like you are doing so well - in your own home, a job, looking after your health. I wish your parents were proud of what you’ve done and supported you.

What you do is stick to your decision and do what is right. You are the one who is going to be living your life. Why on earth would you want this man at the birth. Hell he wouldn’t have his name on baby’s birth certificate unless you wanted him to be, let alone a part of your baby’s life. What sort of a role model can he possibly be. It’s so hard being strong when you aren’t getting support. Are you in an antenatal group? Does your midwife know of any new parents group. I hope your parents will understand in time but till then you need any support you can find, I know it’s not much consolation but I’m old enough to be your mum, and if you were my daughter I’d be so proud of you for doing what you’ve done. Stick to your guns. Do not listen to what others want only to what you want.

Document his abuse. Every time. Keep records. Am sorry your parents aren't supporting you. Tell them how it made you feel. Reassure them that just because the father isn't involved doesn't mean you will be leaning on them if that's what they're worried about. Talk to your health visitor about the dad's abuse and get help. Make sure your birthday plan specifies he can't visit and get a good friend to be on standby as birthing partner and to advocate for you. I would also not have your family around for the first month or so. They will just try and guilt trip you into letting the dad back in when you're vulnerable based on behaviour to date. You decide what you accept. Not them.

I would keep your parents at arms length while you're so vulnerable. If you haven't had any support from a domestic abuse organisation now is the time to contact them for support.

It would also be an idea to have some counselling around the abuse. Regarding the gifts I would send them back and refuse to take them at the door.

I would contact him and ask him for no contact and anything further will be classed as harassment. If he turns up at your place contact the police.

You know your a very a strong person. So far you have done all this alone . You have left your ex and said to yourself you deserve better and you truly do. You have got out before it got worse. Which it would have done once baby was born.

As for him buying baby stuff he's just using that as a weapon/tool to pull you back in.

Ignore your parents they are talking complete crap and that's kind if worrying

Also if you was to go back and he hurt you . Social services could become involved. Carry on doing the right thing for you and your baby.

Also contact womans aid and see what support they can offer.

People who end up in abusive relationships normally have crappy parents so their attitude really isn't surprising. Do you actually want the stuff he is sending? Is it all just a reminder and him being in your space under the guise of being nice. I'd be tempted to take the things back and switch them for things that I actually wanted myself. The type of stroller you have is a big decision and a nice one to make for yourself. Does the one he bought have all the features you would want?

Being alone is better than being around this negativity. I would start focussing on yourself and self care, don't worry about being alone for now as that is temporary. Soon you'll be at mum and baby groups, making new friends in your new stage of life.

Being a single parent is tricky but actually it's far easier being able to do everything knowing your own terms so if you don't have an equal 50/50 partner going it alone is good.

Make your self a routine which will help with the loneliness, radio or podcast on to fill the silence, look at things to do at the weekend on Eventbrite, many are free and fill your time. Soon you'll have baby and whilst they should never be used to replace a partner, you'll soon have a buddy to do things with, and nothing compares with the tight, bearhug squeeze around the neck from a toddler who you will be their entire world.

I'm sorry you're parents aren't supportive - I will never understand why people make excuses for abuse. You have 100% done right by your little one and I'm sure you'll be a great mum. Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes. Don't forget the Samaritans are on the end of the phone if you need a chat x

Fuck him. And fuck your parents too. Their attitude is appalling. I am in awe of your courage and resilience. Stay strong love, you've got this. You're going to be an incredible mother 💐♥️

You-paint your lips and grin like a bastard.
FUCK THEM ALL>
prams handy-(dont put on birth cert-)
YOU n YOUR baby are gony be fine.
hve a hug
there,now you will be better than fine.hes a dick, get in the bin. is ok to erupt at ma n da-they deserved it. do not break or bend.you hve fukin got this

I absolutely applaud you for leaving him. Huge well done you should be so proud of yourself. To me it sounds like your parents don’t understand what an abusive relationship is. You have done the right thing. Wishing you the best with your baby.

You sound smart OP and brave.

You're going to be a great mum and woman without that dickhead and your parents' bullshit.

💐