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How to help dd ?

5 replies

Goodbye1987 · 19/10/2024 13:31

Ok so back story first .
Ds 17 went through a really hard time a while back. There was domestic violence from him to me. He was also controlling . We have managed to get past that with help from CAMHS and he has a social worker. He's doing much better.

From the start I was always worried the effect it would have on dd14 at the time I reached out to the school and they put counselling in place. Which she had for a while and then the school stopped it as she seemed like it was not needed. She has Been referred to CAMHS via the gp. But that's likely to be rejected. As the criteria to get seen is very heigh.

Also at the time of the situation when ds was getting some help by an organisation I forgot what it was called it was linked to young people who use DV . They would touch base with me sometimes. I asked if they could help me find something for DD. Ie siblings effected by DV as it was like dd was being forgotten about but was effected by it. They could not offer or find anything.

Recently dd told me she feels she needs to talk to someone she's stressed about school GCSE etc she's in year 10. She absolutely hates school which seems to have become more of a thing since starting year 10. And that sge hares DS. I told her I would speak to the school so ages on the waiting list for counselling at school again. I also gave her the details for kooth. And she's in touch with the samaritans. She does talk to me to.

Dd and ds sibling relationship is really bad. Ds seens ok towards her. But dd really seems to hate him. She won't be on the same room as him 80% of the time he walks In and she walks out . And she has the look of deep hate on her face even though there's been no arguments or fall outs. The other times they join each other on Xbox playing games or play song quize. Etc.

OP posts:
Goodbye1987 · 19/10/2024 14:25
OP posts:
Goodbye1987 · 19/10/2024 18:03

I was wondering if maybe there's some help I have not thought of. Or if its a time healing thing . Maybe both.

OP posts:
2cleverlovingchildren · 19/10/2024 19:23

I’m sorry. It must be hard for you. Something similar happened to me and my sister. I was in your dd position. Parents tried to push us to get on and be amicable. Unfortunately this made it worse. I was 16 years old and my sister was 14 years old at the time. I am 38 years old in a few weeks and we’ve not spoken or texted for nearly 6 years since even our parents agreed it was time to just live our own lives.

I would recommend that you find some way of enjoying time with each of your children and helping them both emotionally. However, I feel you need to except that they’re probably no longer going to be able to be able to get on.

I know this is not the answer you wanted to hear but it is truly the best thing you can do.

Goodbye1987 · 19/10/2024 19:43

2cleverlovingchildren · 19/10/2024 19:23

I’m sorry. It must be hard for you. Something similar happened to me and my sister. I was in your dd position. Parents tried to push us to get on and be amicable. Unfortunately this made it worse. I was 16 years old and my sister was 14 years old at the time. I am 38 years old in a few weeks and we’ve not spoken or texted for nearly 6 years since even our parents agreed it was time to just live our own lives.

I would recommend that you find some way of enjoying time with each of your children and helping them both emotionally. However, I feel you need to except that they’re probably no longer going to be able to be able to get on.

I know this is not the answer you wanted to hear but it is truly the best thing you can do.

I get what your saying. I'm not going to force anything that would only make it worse. I think there may still be something there sibling wise. Because otherwise they would not play xbox together or want to do song quize. It feels sort of strange because everyone will be laughing dd to . Her and ds will joke together. Then suddenly dd changes. Maybe she suddenly remembers how bad it was and then feels angry/upset just wish there was more things in place for siblings help wise

OP posts:
2cleverlovingchildren · 20/10/2024 06:40

Let us know how things go. Best of luck.

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