Advice Required Controlling Marriage

[Boxofstars]

I have been married 20 years he is 13 years older.

Always wanted his own way but last 10 years he has got worse and nasty.

He goes out drinking every night has done since we married i dont go with him.
He puts me down a lot and in public.

He hates my family i rarely see them. Wasnt there for me when my mum died 9 years ago.
Seems to love bullying me. i have no confidence and its making me ill really ill.

He owns the house we live in but told me if i did try to get half if we did divorce i would be sorry and he would get his younger brother to say he owns the house and we pay him rent.

Im worried he might try to kill me with stress.

Please call Women's Aid.

Talk to your GP - both about the wrist and the abuse.

Can you secretly consult with an experienced family solicitor. They'll help you formulate a plan and ensure that you get your fair share of assets. You will not be left with nothing.

You'll feel better once you start taking steps to get out of this abusive marriage.

Don't tell him you are planning on leaving until you are well and truly gone. Sort out your share of the house later, your life is more important than money. Who cares what he says to a load of drunkards down the pub.

Do you have any friends you can confide in OP? You need to get your injuries looked at. If you make an appointment with the doctor what exactly are you scared of? Is he likely to prevent you going? Or hurt you?

Last night he woke me up having sex from behind. Asked him what was he doing said im your hubby.

Last week he rolled me on my front spat on my anus and had anal sex.
i dont like to confront him he gets moody.

I have narcolepsy and if i dont get 7 hours unbroken sleep i get dizzy.

I havent seen my dad and brother since last xmas.

When my late cat was very ill she was 19 he wouldnt let me have her in the bedroom her last night on earth he locked her in the dining room i found her dead the next day.

Please call Women's Aid and see your doctor. This cannot go on.

I feel for you OP. But no one can help you if you don't help yourself. Tell someone - a neighbour, your GP, citizens advice, Women's Aid.

You have to tell someone, or this is your life for ever more.

OP you can call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, it's available 24/7 0808 2000 247

You can chat to Women's Aid

You could also contact Rape Crisis as having sex with you while you're asleep or without consent is rape.

You could also contact your local domestic abuse organisation by typing 'domestic abuse help' + your area.

Yes the police should take this very seriously but try women’s aid

are chikdren involved

What do you want to happen OP?

Just get out and then start divorce proceedings. Go to the police, tell them what’s been said here; eg the rape and not feeling able to get medical attention because he intimidates you. They will get hold of a local WA worker and go from there.

He can't pretend his brother owns the house to renege on his financial responsibilities during a divorce. Does he think lawyers are that stupid?
Go to your family and set divorce proceedings now. He cannot ruin you if you leave him. He's ruining you if you stay though.

Tell as many people as possible: your GP, ask them to place the info you give in your medical notes.
Women’s Aid.
You can call 101 and ask to speak to a female call handler if you wish and say you want his coercive controlling behaviour logged.
And his take on the house is bollocks. The owner is registered with the land registry for years so if he tried to change ownership now it’d still be on record. Every house sale is recorded.
Also to sell a property to a relative you have to prove a market value is paid and the correct stamp duty is paid.

please contact Women’s Aid and get out asap.

You can ignore all my previous, call 999 and get him arrested for rape. If you want to do that the police will offer you support. You can ask Victim Support to help you and of course Rape Crisis will also support you.
He is a rapist.

I am so sorry. He is a rapist. Please get support to get away.

The brother you mean?
If its your H's name on the deeds its a marital asset.
I am not sure what you want The Police to do unless he is doing something illegal, (which coercive control is now)
You need to get legal advice and also gather evidence

Today he had sex with me just let him do it to keep him quiet.

Told me his brother will pay for a top brief if i ever report him to the filth.

Also said if anything happens to my dad his son and daughter will get his house not me and my brother.
my dad has made a will if when me and my brother are no longer around it goes to a charity when i told him this he stormed out of a shop we were in and left me to get a bus home.

i have emailed womensaid and im going to my doctors on monday.

I'm sorry you're going through this💐

i have emailed womensaid and im going to my doctors on monday.

This is really good news. You can also use Women's Aid web chat facility if you can't talk on the phone. You can get free legal advice from Rights of Women.

Free legal advice here OP

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/

Ignore what he says about the house and your dad’s house. He’s a bully. Lawyers aren’t stupid.

I had a fall a few months ago and hurt my wrist. Paramedics came round to help get me up because I am disabled, and said they thought my wrist was just a soft tissue injury. Turned out I had fractured both my radius and ulna. Please get it x-rayed just to be on the safe side.

When i am ready to report it to the police will my emails to womensaid and my doctors records help?.

I know exactly what he will try to do say im lying and his brother will get a brief to represent him.
Also the going out every night no one in that bar has met me would the police question the bar owner cctv or taxi records etc?.

My next door neighbour who is elderly doesnt like him and often asks if im ok he has been rude to her. Would they ask other neighbours.
He will do anything to get away with this trust me.

He's trying to bluff and intimidate you into doing what he wants. Just because he says it doesn't mean it's true.

It's great you are teaching out fot help - Womensaid will be able to guide you through.

If i do get the police involved what will they do?. On arrest and interview they look for evidence surely.

And if they have enough to charge its serious isnt it.
Would it go to magistrates or the crown.

i know coercive control is a crime now but assault on top of that as well.
Higher culpability?.

Yesterday i went to a local solicitors for free advice.
They told me to document incidents in a diary and see my doctor.
When he got home yesterday he asked if i had been to a solicitors. i said no.
i think he has someone watching me.

Could he be tracking your phone or car?

@Boxofstars its more likely that he has a tracking app on your phone or it’s a function on an app he’s accessing.

google can store your location but it’s not the most commonly used app for that.

have you any apps where you share location?

If you use your phone for searching and planning this stuff do it in private or incognito mode so it’s not on your search list/history etc.

maybe you are sitting out a will and that’s why you’d want to see a solicitor? Have a backup story - or even better get a will etc as well.

Id accidentally leave my phone at home or in the car or at a friends for the day if you have any appointments to run.

what types of apps have you got on your phone.