Don't know what to do about 9 year old

[Washywishy]

My 9 year old dd does an activity after school three nights a week and the last month or so she has become really particular about her hair, it has to be all slicked back perfectly straight before she goes. If its not she has a massive screaming meltdown and really works herself up. She will just keep spraying it with hairspray until every hair is stuck down. This is every time and I'm dreading taking her now. I've cut the hours in case it's too much and she's tired but it's not making any difference.

I've asked her when she's calm but not got anywhere, today was really hard not to lose my temper and I had to walk away.
I do not know what to do, she didn't behave like this when she was a toddler. I'm starting to dread the evenings.

Anyone ever had anything like this?

Is this dance? Is there peer pressure or bullying going on around hair/ appearance? It sounds like an anxiety behaviour specific to the activity.

If you are as sure as you can be that the pressure isn't coming from the adult/ teacher then have a quiet word and give her or him a heads up and ask if it's possible to keep an ear open for snide comments or subtle bullying.

You probably do need to talk more to your child about what they like and don't like about the activity, reinforce how much you love her and explain that it's your job to keep her safe and healthy and that you are worried that the activity is making her worry, and that if you and she can't work out why then it's time to take a break from this activity and try a different hobby.

I'd say that as with toddlers, it's very rarely about the thing that the explosion is about, ie the pink cup not the green one, not wanting to be put in the car, spraying your head with hairspray, there is usually something behind it.

Someone could have said something in the group that was mean about her hair, and it could have become a thing for her. See if you can gently get her to talk to you about the people she meets when she's there and what they are like, and hopefully it will come out?

What kind of activity is it? The only activities that I can think of where hair style would have to be "perfect" is something like gymnastics or ballroom dancing.

Do you think the person. taking the classes has said something about appearance to the class?

It's a long and tiring term, I expect there's something deeper than hair going on. Can you try to find out what but at the same time ask the teacher to talk to her about performance hair expectations Vs practice hair expectations or if there are any products, hair nets etc that might help achieve the look with less stress?

Thank you all so much, it's gymnastics so hair has to be up but it doesn't matter what it looks like for just a regular session.
Good point about if someone has said anything to her, I know there has been the occasional ruction with the group as they are all girls.
Fiveloads I think that's what I will say to her tonight, will try to talk to her when we are both calm!

My daughter was like this with scouts. They were very strict re their necker and my daughter would get so anxious about getting it right. She stopped going in the end. Not just because of this,there were other issues I didn't agree with.