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Negotiating MIL relationship.

6 replies

CurlewKate · 17/10/2024 16:23

I'm going to have to be vague-because this isn't really my story- forgive me. My mid 20s son and his girlfriend have been happily living together for 4 years. They have both had mental health issues in the past, and recently something external has happened which has triggered a bit of a crisis for them both. As far as I am aware, neither is at fault. My DS is the one who talks to me most, although the GF does too, and, for want of a better expression, their stories match. By which I am pretty sure my son is not being a dick! Anyway, they have decided, and I think they're right, that they could both benefit from some therapy. They are both working, but at the beginning, low paid part co their careers. My dilemma is this. My first thought was that I would give my son some money to pay for his therapy. But now I'm wondering whether the money should be for both of them? ? Or should I give them each some money separately? Or none of the above? She knows he talks to me and I am always very clear that he should be careful what he tells me. Am I overthinking this?

OP posts:
88Pandora88 · 22/10/2024 07:16

Is your dil's parents aware of the situation and potentially able to help finance it too?
I'd maybe instead of just saying to your son here's X amount for your therapy, say "here's x amount to put towards both your therapy's" so your DIL doesn't feel excluded if she doesn't have the financial help your son does.
Good luck x

Christinglechristmas · 22/10/2024 07:17

Relate and relate will charge what they can pay

2Old2Tango · 22/10/2024 07:22

I personally would offer it to your DS and say it's to go towards the therapy and it's for him to decide whether it pays for just his or both their therapies. Are they planning on individual therapy rather than couples?

ssd · 22/10/2024 08:32

I would offer money to your ds and say if both of you use it thats fine.

And fwiw i would be exactly the same as you @CurlewKate . You have only their best interests at heart and that is lovely.

CurlewKate · 22/10/2024 09:28

Thank you-I have done exactly what posters have suggested, which is very reassuring! Gave him the money and said share it if that feels like the right thing to do!

I don't know whether her parents are aware-I haven't asked.

I'm not sure whether Relate would be appropriate. It's not a specifically relationship issue. Sorry about the vagueness. But anyway, the waiting list is depressingly long where we are. And I feel that if they can pay (and they can now for a while at least) they should.

Thank you!

OP posts:
ssd · 22/10/2024 10:48

Glad it's sorted

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