Domestic Abuse Council Want To Put Me In A Refuge

[BonbonJJx97]

Hi,

I’m wondering if anyone can help me. I’ve been living in the Hertfordshire area for over two years, privately renting as I flee’d my hometown due to domestic abuse.

Ive been getting abuse from my eldest son’s dad and he has threatened me on several occasions. He was violent and controlling when we were together but I didn’t have the confidence to report it. Our relationship ended when he strangled me on our son’s fourth birthday. He also threatened to upload sexual explicit videos of me that I have no recollection of him even taking - it was my birthday and I was drunk.

I of course reported him after this and I am awaiting his arrest for revenge porn. I also got a non molestation put in place however he’s avoiding his property so can’t be served the papers. I’ve brought all this up to my local council however they say the only thing they can do is offer refugee. The problem is my eldest son is autistic and can’t be around different people he doesn’t know he lashes out and often is violent himself. He is entitled to his own bedroom however we live in a two bed along with my other two children, my daughter also displaying global development delay. They then said if I could provide medical evidence then they would explore other options which I did and they said it isn’t sufficient I’m going to attached the letter below.

I just don’t know what to do Im so stressed out my hair is falling out I’m having constant panic attacks and haven’t felt this terrible in a long time. I’m on setraline.

Is it possible I can go to another council? Will I get the same response? Is the medical evidence sufficient? Any help is greatly appreciated

Edited by MNHQ to remove identifying info.

I’ve tried adding it again

I have no idea about what they can/will offer. However, I’d edit your posts as they are very identifying.

I've reported your thread so hopefully MNHQ can remove your sons personal data.

Ultimately they cannot offer what they don’t have.
if you require a three bedroom home they are in very short supply and it could take months even on a high priority band to secure one.
of you require temporary accommodation they can again only offer what is available. A refuge may be what they have now, with the opportunity to move into larger temporary accommodation when it becomes available. Speak to citizens advise to make sure you have provided all necessary documentation to support a priority review

If dv is involved why have you published your ds details? Ask mnhq to delete this thread as unwise.

And in fairness the letter does not specify that he needs a sole occupancy room in the opinion of the hcp writing.

Hi OP

We've removed the letters because they contained some quite personal information. Mumsnet is public and accessible to all, and we'd always advise against sharing information that may identify you in real life.

They can only offer you what they have. If you are at risk of violence then you are normally offered a space in a refuge as other forms of temporary accommodation won't be safe enough for you. I'm sorry you are having such a terrible time but most local authorities have huge shortages of accommodation and you will be waiting a long time for suitable long term accommodation. You really need to discuss your issues with the housing officer again and ask if there is anything else that they can do.

Hi OP

Have you contacted the 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 for advice. They may be able to help you in terms of what you can request, given your personal circumstances.

Have you spoken to any of the local Women's Aid services. I suspect the local council will be talking to you in terms of how they normally assess those wanting local council housing. As you know most councils have very long waiting lists for housing.

A DV project maybe able to help you present your case to them.

You can search the directory here https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/womens-aid-directory/

Appreciate you may have already done this.

Hi , I wouldn’t go to another council . I’m not sure about the exact details, but you could be putting yourself at risk of the council saying you have made yourself “ intentionally homeless “ .

One option is to upgrade security to your existing home and add CCTV cameras. It can help you feel safer and also gather evidence of them breaching restraining orders. I’m not familiar with the UK situation but phone around because maybe some DV charities will cover the costs