What’s it like when you become the oldest generation in your family?

[YougoyourWay]

I have lost all grandparents, one parent and one sibling and several aunties and uncles. My other siblings are in poor health and I had a health scare myself recently at the age of 60. It has dawned on me that as my older relatives are passing away, I am fast approaching being the oldest in my family. I don’t like the thought of it! How does it feel if you are in that position?

Some posters reached this stage relatively young in life.

To the pp who mentioned it, I updated my will a few weeks ago after the death of a family member younger than me prompted me to sort it.

I became Top Generation in my forties and it does feel different. Older relatives can have their disadvantages at times, but they bring a richness that I miss. And I’m aware of being next for the chop! However I feel deeply thankful to be spared the slow decline that my peer group are watching their parents endure these days.

It's frightening knowing you are top of the tree and there is nobody above you to carry the burden. I do still have aunts and uncles in the generation above, but they aren't responsible for MY family. I have two younger sisters with their own families as well as my own children and grandchildren, but I am the glue that sticks us all together. I also keep my step family in touch with us.

I can well understand older people who just give up on making the effort. I will always do so, but it would be really nice if the next generation down did some of the work as well.

I've had to become the more adulty adult, the one you used to see as the most grown up. It's a very weird feeling. More aware of my own mortality and that life is precious.

This happened to me last year and I was also made redundant, so a double whammy. It shakes your boots to lose your last parent/aunt/uncle and your anchor in life. I miss being able to ask advice, miss their awful jokes, miss their hugs and their reassurance and positivity that everything will be alright. It's taking time to heal for sure and also time for the pecking order to shift. I've had to put some boundaries in place about what I'm not prepared to do as the "head" of the family. I'm no longer close to my siblings. It felt like I lost them as well once probate was granted and they got the monies they were after.
However I am blessed with a loving DH, DC and good friends who have helped keep me busy whilst I navigate this time in my life. I've also been able to support 2 friends who have just recently lost their last parent and joined this orphan club that none of us want to be part of. A steady hand and a healing hug can be passed on.

Just turned 60 and feel the same

I didn’t mind, but then I was 67 and my DM - the last of her generation to die - was 97 with advanced dementia, so TBH her exit was somewhat overdue - she was in a most pitiful state.

It happened to me at 32. I found it strangely liberating.

This is approaching me as I have two elderly relatives left and it does feel very strange.

I only have my parents (in their 80s). I'm an only child with no husband or children of my own. All of their generation are gone now. Some of my friends are grandparents, two are widows and a lot have lost siblings. We're all around 50. I'm scared 😪

I'm lucky, I'm 58 with both parents and a Grandmother still with me.

It's scary and very sobering. I'm the only one left, my parents and siblings are dead at 48 and 52. On the positive I'm not scared of death as I know I'll see my brother again one day