Would a friend saying this to you (ADHD) make you consider pursuing an assessment?

[ToBePerfectlyHonest]

A good friend told me recently that she thinks that my I have ADHD traits. She’s not a clinician, but she’s worked with neuro-diverse people for years and years, and has two close relatives with undiagnosed ASD. My two children both have diagnosed ASD.

She says that I do the following things:

*make lists for everything (I do, I have lists for everything and always have, but if I didn’t, I wouldn’t remember everything. I have so much to think about and I don’t want to forget things), which she calls a tool that I’ve developed to manage

*keep a neutral, controlled face when there are any discussions (I do, I always want to hear everything being said before I reach a conclusion about something)

*don’t always finish tasks (this is correct, I don’t always finish something but I will always it when I have more time available. I also have quite a lot on so don’t always have time to finish)

*procrastinate (I do, sometimes I need to kick myself up the arse to do something I don’t want to do).

I am aware that some of these are ADHD traits. But I thought this was all quite normal for someone with a busy job and a busy life. I’ve done one of those very brief online ‘assessments’ and I don’t come close to the marker that suggests I should consider a formal assessment. I am not sure whether a diagnosis would make a great difference to me though. I have no problem whatsoever with being ND if I am, that’s not a factor for me at all.

Would you consider taking this further?

Whether or not you have ADHD is irrelevan. What's relevant is whether any ND is negatively impacting your life. It does not sound like it IS negatively impacting your life. You have worked out processes and tools to help you over come your specific challenges and are using those effectively. What exactly would an adult diagnosis give yo uat this point?

DH is considering an adult diagnosis. Only because, in a completely new job, new industry, new profession we think that he is feeling more overwhelmed and it's impacting his life outside of work. He is considering it because all the tools he has long had in place are not proving to be effective enough anymore and he is seriously wondering whether he should consider medication for further support.

has two close relatives with undiagnosed ASD. My two children both have diagnosed ASD.

This drives me crackers, her relatives don't have asd. They don't have a diagnosis. Everyone thinks they're asd or adhd at the moment and it's really bad for the autism and adhd communities as 'everyone is a little bit autistic' 'my friend/mum/whoever is undiagnosed asd/adhd and they can do abc'

Regardless of if you are or not there's little chance of receiving a diagnosis unless you go private and even then some people think you basically buy the diagnosis.

What’s the point?
What is there to gain as an adult?

Almost everyone could be diagnosed with something - If you can live and work successfully, can’t see the point.

If you can’t think of anything that a diagnosis would make a difference to then you don’t need one. If you have already found ways to deal with any challenges you’ve had then there’s no point.

They read like personality traits to me. I procrastinate, I would say the vast majority of people do! I love a list too, it helps me sleep at night knowing everything is written down.
DH is a finisher, I am not!
I think you can find traits in everyone if you go looking.

All those 'traits' she's listed could equally be applied to most of us at times.. I am a great procrastinator if I don't find a task particularly interesting and am often the one who has big ideas and sets things up but then struggles to complete the details. As others have said if it hasn't and isn't negatively impacting your life in anyway what is the point of being assessed?

Absolutely true.
My ex Husband is a precise listomaniac.

A “ Diagnosis “ is currently fashionable in certain circles it seems.

You don't sound anymore ADHD than a lot of people. I wouldn't be rushing to get a diagnosis, what's the point? Would it enrich your life in any way? A friend told me I must have ADHD because I can multitask successfully but that's because I'm a nurse working on a busy ward and I need to, in order to look after my patients to a high standard.

I don’t think that I have ADHD either. But I don’t want to be dismissive of someone who has known me pretty well, or to shut myself off from the possibility without really thinking about it.

I held down a very busy professional job for 20+ years which involved loads of multi-tasking and switching my mind from one thing to the next pretty much all day. Hence all the lists. I have loads for going on at home with two neuro-diverse children and a busy household, which is why I have lists at home too. I can be pretty forgetful otherwise but I am also peri-menopausal.

Late ADHD diagnosis gives people the ability to "diagnose" 10 other people, didn't you know? It's a pyramid scheme.

Pursue an assessment or not, up to you really.

I do think (as a late diagnosed Autistic myself) that after diagnosis people see traits in everyone. I've also noticed this habit in others who have been diagnosed with things, or who spend too much time reading neurodiversity or mental health literature. But there's a reason Psychologists train for so long.