Why are some people so cruel and selfish and mindless when it comes to other people's health conditions.

[FluffEars]

I have two different types of conditions. I am prone to bowel infections. I am new to reflux. I wouod say the bowel infections are a walk in the park compared to the reflux. For the past few weeks I had fits and attacks where my chest goes into some sort of spasms. Huge intense coughing fits where I can hardly breath. No nausea but the contents of my stomach is forced up. One day vomiting out of my mouth and liquids coming out my nose from a coughing fit. Heartburn galore. Unable to lie down at night time. Have to sleep sitting up. Other reflux attacks where the force is so strong I am vomiting and pissing my pants.

Other people are clueless, careless and mindless. I was struck with an attack last night where I was hardly able to breath. It took about 10 to 15 minutes to calm it down but I still wasn't right after that.

Do other people think that this is just a little bit of heartburn?

I have these two kinda silent conditions. You would know anything is wrong with me.

It nearly seems as if for many people there's only one or two ways to get sick and that is with colds and flu. Only if you are vomiting are you ill. I don't know.

I am certainly not looking for sympathy when I am ill but for the love of god - stop writing me off.

Another day I had an attack where I was very ill from it and all my mother could do was shout at me because 'the neighbours will hear me'. I'm sure of the neighbours saw me that I'll they would help me more.

I don't think people generally are, not really sure what you are looking for here.

Clearly there are a million ways illness manifest itself. Many people live with silent illness, and live quietly with them, others are more vocal about how it impacts them and their lives. Neither is the right or wrong way.

I always think you really never know what people are living with so try to be kind when possible ( unless people are being pricks then I don't give a hoot what is going on, there is very very rarely the excuse to treat people badly).

Are you asking about people in general or more specifically your mother?

You've only mentioned your mother though, so it's a bit confusing?

No, it's my partner too. I was ill last night and I was unable to take a call from him due to being sick and he nearly didn't believe me. I had to send him a message to tell him I couldn't take his call and he was angry at me.

it sounds like they’d be arseholes regardless of health, your partner especially. Getting angry over not taking a call, sounds controlling and just dick behaviour.

I think you can tell a lot about someone you are in a relationship by how they treat you when you are ill.

How well did you understand what having these conditions was like before you had them?

Compassion fatigue is a thing. Perhaps if you’ve suffered with your other condition a long time and spoken about it a lot your mum and partner aren’t as sympathetic as they could be because of that.

This. And that includes your mother.

I have really complex health issues - I’m under 5 different specialists and on the highest rates of PIP indefinitely. I have had a lot of people just ghost me or cut me out of their lives because I’m too unreliable in terms of making plans etc. It’s frustrating but I’ve been left with those who I know genuinely care. My now ex dh and my Mum were very similar to how you describe yours. You deserve better than that.

I don’t know what you want here op??

But living with someone or being around someone with lots of health conditions is very challenging. It’s not that they are selfish or cruel or mindless, just that it’s hard.

It does sound like your closer ones are not communicating the sympathy or empathy that you feel you need.

Is there more to the story than this?

See the latest online furore about coeliac disease. Comments abound such as why should the world have to accommodate your nonsense, get a life, attention seekers with nothing better to do, middle class affectation that didn't exist back in the day etc. It's always the same when it comes up in the not infrequent media stories on it. And I haven't even started on autism or ADHD. People can be utter nob heads about conditions that don't affect them.

I feel for you. It's hard for people who never suffer to understand what it's like.

As an aside, I'd get your reflux checked out as sometimes it can be a sign of something more sinister going on, especially as you've mentioned bowel infections.

Dear god get referred to a specialist. You need to see a gastroenterologist now. Nothing you've described is remotely normal. I'm sorry your family are unkind.

I don't think others ever really get it (or us, other people's illnesses). But I also think there is a transition period when you start suffering from symptoms, get a diagnosis, when you are also adjusting yourself and expect others to be keeping up with how awful it is, or adjusting too, when that is unrealistic. DH is much more sympathetic once any colleagues of his happen to have the same conditions as me - somehow makes it 'real' to him?

Agree with this, was a recent thread where the OP was unhappy because her dh wasn't giving her the level of attention that she felt was warranted when she complained about her health issues, I think it had been going on for many years and was several times a week with no change to the content of conversation. While there was sympathy for the OP, people mentioned compassion fatigue for him too.

I had severe heartburn once that put me in A&E because of the amount of pain I was in. My husband was stunned. People were concerned about me until I told them what it eventually turned out to be.

I live with a lot of medical problems most people don’t understand how bad things can actually be until they experience it themselves.

The hostility towards people with illness and disabilities never ceases to astound me.

I do understand that close friends and family can become burnt out. Even low level care can start to feel like a major burden.

however, people who don’t even know the person who isn’t perfectly healthy will make statements about us not belonging in the world and crack jokes about our conditions. It’s infuriating.

Exactly. Equally, just because you’ve got health issues, doesn’t mean the other person is healthy themselves or at your service.

Or has a duty to be.

OP, people are more sympathetic the more serious the illness is. Reflux ain’t cancer. Massively unfair because reflux can be bloody agony, and leave you knocked out for hours, but it’s not permanent or fatal.

Also unfairly the amount of pain you’re in doesn’t correlate to the severity of the ailment.

Finally, others value you because you’re you - not a bag of symptoms. They’re not cruel or mean, that’s how it is. Your health needs are the doctor’s job.

No one gives a real shit when you are unwell. All my family and friends try and make the right sounds but it's not the right ones.

Good for them, they have no idea what it feels like and I'd hate for them to find out.

Have you been to the doctor? I'd be more worried about those symptoms tbh than what people thought. You need diagnosed and medicated asap.

I hope you get sorted out with good meds soon.

People don't
I've had a lot of people presume that endo means just pain on my period and not all month round