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3 year old DS will not play alone / clingy

4 replies

mills81 · 15/10/2024 14:45

He has just turned 3, 2 weeks ago. He has always been an easy going child, never tantrummed much, always slept really well, toilet trained himself and always had glowing feedback from his nursery and grandparents. For a few weeks now (and I think I'm struggling more because of pregnancy and my patience tolerance is less than it usually would be) he can be hard work, he will never play or do any activity without wanting us to do it for example I bought him a new halloween colour book yesterday and I set it up for him while I made lunch but he might do a tiny bit then insist I do it, but even when I do apparently I'm doing it wrong? Same with groups etc he always wants you involved but often he tells me I'm doing it wrong anyway. He is more than capable of going to the toilet independently and has been trained for over 7 months now but will sometimes prefer to walk around with his pants down his ankles and ask us to pull them up rather than do it himself. His dad is his favourite and he is even worse with him, he is like his shadow and can't even go to the toilet without DS joining him or pop to the garage to get something without DS getting upset. He can be very bossy with me and his dad and aggy when he doesn't get his own way.

I'm really struggling with PGP but I make sure on days off with him I arrange activities to keep him entertained because he is much harder work in the house long periods, so again example from yesterday but happens all the time is we had a fun day but I explained when we got home I needed to rest for 10/15 minutes (my body feels like that of an 80 year old at the moment) and his toys were set up to play with by himself but of course he did not and nagged at me instead. DP does work away Monday - Friday afternoon so when he gets home of course when he gets home DS gets his full attention and he plays with him loads and does lots of crafts and activities with him but I really do need him to have the ability to play and do some things a bit more independently especially since I will have another in a few months time. I'm feeling like a really shitty parent at the moment because I don't know what I can do and like this has to be my fault. Does anyone have any advice or has been through similar? He's never really been clingy before recently and although always liked us to get involved which obviously we expect and enjoy, it's never been to this extent before.

OP posts:
Crazyeight · 15/10/2024 14:48

My DD was like this. Tbh nothing really helped apart from audiobooks which she would listen to, co-working, so I would work on something at the same table, or just time..she still is quite clingy at 10 but does a lot of independent things.

Weirdly dc2 is the opposite and will play independently for hours.

ByTealShaker · 15/10/2024 14:54

Sounds like he’s gained some independence and now wants to be treat like a baby again. I don’t have any suggestions at how to tackle it, my LO is sort of the opposite, exactly the same age too. The only exception is that although he is perfectly capable, he wants me to feed him, like a baby bird. I’m pregnant too, maybe they know!

Pyroleus · 15/10/2024 14:55

What happens if you just keep calmly refusing to join in? So you are having your fifteen minute lie down after being out and you keep just saying, "I can't play right now, but I will play with you in a while." And repeat, kindly, for the whole fifteen minutes. Then play with him for a few minutes. What would he actually do?

Unless it's destructive to people or property I'd just let him crack on. Whining, moaning, crying etc - just sympathise but keep repeating that you love playing with him but can't just now, but you will play with him in a while. Suggest what he could do with the toys to get him started, but basically just don't give in. If fifteen minutes is too long at first start with five and build up.

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NuffSaidSam · 15/10/2024 15:01

Pyroleus · 15/10/2024 14:55

What happens if you just keep calmly refusing to join in? So you are having your fifteen minute lie down after being out and you keep just saying, "I can't play right now, but I will play with you in a while." And repeat, kindly, for the whole fifteen minutes. Then play with him for a few minutes. What would he actually do?

Unless it's destructive to people or property I'd just let him crack on. Whining, moaning, crying etc - just sympathise but keep repeating that you love playing with him but can't just now, but you will play with him in a while. Suggest what he could do with the toys to get him started, but basically just don't give in. If fifteen minutes is too long at first start with five and build up.

This.

He probably senses a big change is afoot and is feeling a bit insecure, but the only way to get him to play by himself is to make him play by himself.

Give him a set time, a visual/audible timer can help and stick with it, let him whine if he needs to, consistently redirect him.

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