Had enough of this life

[Drivingmecrazydizzy]

Sorry if this is long or in the wrong place. I’ve been homeless now for 2.5 year with my children. We’re living with family but it’s unbearable there is constant arguing. My relationship is breaking down my kids are scared to do anything wrong and can’t be themselves. My mental health is all over the place and I write this led in bed with 2 of my babies, can’t go downstairs as I know another argument will start over the family members lies to my partner about one of my children (who didn’t do what they said) so now me and my partner are arguing yet again! It’s unbearable the council won’t or can’t help us they haven’t got anywhere for us to go. Private rent won’t touch us as there’s to many of us and I don’t know which way to turn. My kids are missing out on their childhoods and can’t be themselves I’m just hurting so bad that I can’t be a proper mum to them and give them the love and life they deserve and so desperately need. Sorry again for the message don’t really know what I expect from this just needed to get it all out xx

I wish I could help you but as that's not possible I want you to know I read your words and I can hear how distressed you are as you sit with your little ones close by.
Two and a half years is a long time to be living with others.
Especially in these days where a lot of people are under financial stress and pressure.
I'm so sorry that the goodwill seems to be wearing thin and your little ones are afraid to be the happy children they deserve to be.
I hope that housing becomes available to you very soon.
Hang in there as best you can.
Stay strong, women are incredibly strong you know.
Help out as much as you can and have your children with you helping too.
It's good training for them and every little bit helps.
All the very best x

I’m sorry that you’re struggling, it sounds like a really difficult situation. Have you ever contacted shelter? They help people in all kinds of housing need. Do you have any support for your mental health?

Are you on the housing list?
I would contact the council and say you're homeless and family have said you can't stay any longer. Also look for areas elsewhere, your priority is to get a house and then you can look for a swap if you need to change area.how many of your are there needing a house?

Thankyou for replying. Since we moved in here I’ve become the live in maid cooking cleaning washing for me my partner and 7 kids and the 2 family members we live with. The kids help me every evening. They can’t play they can’t make any noise as they get shouted at. I have 2 children who are neuro diverse and one who has leukaemia. My whole life has came crashing down in 2.5 years. I’m head butting a brick wall and just want my family unit back. I’m normally strong and independent but it’s all gone I’m broken. I lay here some nights and don’t want to wake up then think of my kids and think then they’re alone to live this awful life and I couldn’t do it to them. Thankyou again it’s nice to know there are people out there to listen xx

@TashaTudor been on the housing list for 8 years. I’ve told the council they’re throwing us out provided them with letters and still they tell me they can’t help! We’ve looked as far as we can move as I have a child with leukaemia and he’s undergoing treatment and I need my other family and friends to help with child care when he gets really sick. There are 9 of us with a housing need. I know it sounds like I’m making excuses but please believe me I’d take a bus shelter right now rather than be here x

Are the 7 kids all yours? If not, I would consider splitting with my partner and they look for housing with their kids while you try with your kids.
7 children is a LOT. How did you end up in this situation?

Yes all 7 are mine. We had a beautiful house private rented that we’d been in for about 9 years it had loads of land only a 3 bed but we used the dining room as a bedroom and the front room I had a pull out bed. 6 of them are boys so they can share as much as we like and the youngest is a girl so she could potentially stay in with me for a bit longer. The house we had was an old cottage and water starting coming up three floors and there was barely any foundations so was unsafe for us to stay in xx

Please contact the Samaritans if you ever have those dark thoughts in the future. Your children do need you, you have been so strong for them so far you just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Have you tried talking to your GP?

Do you bid on properties? You can contact your housing officer and ask to be able to bid on smaller properties as I think you'd be entitled to a 5 bed but would have no chance, even 4 beds are like hens teeth

I’ve spoke with gp on sertraline and propranolol but don’t feel like they’re touching the sides tbh. My housing officer won’t allow us to bid for anything smaller than a 5 she’s been really awkward. I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I told her we lived in a 3 before and were perfectly fine but apparently new rules are no more than 2 to a room possibly 3 at a push

Can you ask for a new housing officer? I know someone who couldn't find a 3 bed and eventually she got a 2 bed, family of 6. I would also point out that there is no 5 beds and you need to be able to bid on houses

I have fought constantly to be able to get a3 bed I will ask for a new housing officer tomorrow thankyou :) I am literally willing to take anything I would move into a bedsit just so my kids can be themselves and play without someone shouting at them to shut up or telling them they can’t get their toys out! Most of there as presents from last year were put in the loft before end of Jan without me knowing by the family member 😢

Contact your MP. You can find their address by googling Write to Them. Try CAB for some advice. Try more rental companies, local FB groups. Contact your local paper, local tv station. Don't give up, make some waves, get some help. Hope you find something soon.

The squeakiest wheel gets the oil. You need to say outright that there are no 5 beds so what's their solution? You need to email or ring every week and say there's no suitable houses, you need to be asking about emergency accommodation, make sure it's noted that you're homeless and high priority. Tell them you're happy to use dining room as a bedroom and you need to be able to bid on houses that are 3 and 4 bed.

Another vote for contacting your MP 💐💐💐

Hi Drivingmecrazydizzy.
I just came across your post as I can’t sleep and trying to keep my mind busy from negative dark thoughts. My situation is a tiny bit similar to yours . I was made homeless last Tuesday . I’m currently in a hotel that the council have sorted out for me but I’m not with my children but that’s only because my bastard ex wouldn’t provide a letter to say that he was making them homeless Aswell as me . I miss them dreadfully , feel like my arms are missing . I also have cancer and I currently can’t walk properly as the toxins from the cancer treatment attacked my nerves .
Rigjt this is what you need to do . You need to go to the council first thing in the morning with your suitcases and declare yourself homeless . They have to see it to believe it . Take your children with you if you need to. It is the councils duty to rehome you even if that means like me you are put in a hotel until they find you a home. The council work on a baring system bronze -platinum. I was put straight to gold because of my cancer so you should at least get gold because of your son’s illness . You can bid for properties when you’re on hold for upto 56 days . After 56 days you go to platinum which means when you bid on properties you get first choice obviously you need to bear in mind that other people may be on platinum but anyone below platinum won’t get first choice before you. You can bid for upto 3 properties a week .
Good luck and hope everything works out for you xx

Hi there, I’m so sorry to hear of your situation and the terrible suffering and distress it is causing you, your partner and children. Please don’t give up.

I worked as a Homeless Officer for several years. You are classed as statutorily Homeless under the Act and your council has a duty to house you (unless they can prove you have made yourself intentionally homeless, like asking your family to give you eviction letters etc or that you were evicted from your previous tenancy due to your own action/s, such as breach of contract like rent arrears or property damage etc. It sounds like the council are dodging their duty to place you in suitable temporary accommodation whilst they investigate your homeless application. This is not ok. Get right on to your local MP and make a fuss, managers will normally pull the case worker in line and take your approach to them seriously. They should be placing you in temporary housing. You cannot be expected to continue sofa surfing with children, shame on the council for allowing this. I’ve got to go but will check back in tomorrow

Thankyou everyone. So my council works on bands ABC etc I am band B which is the highest without being terminally ill. The council offered me temporary accommodation today of a 2 bed inside an old b and b with a lot of other people. This meant sharing bathroom with 2 other family’s and kitchen with many more. I regrettably had to turn it down because of my son’s immune system I can’t risk that!
@Imbluedalale im so sorry your in this situation it’s awful I honestly don’t know how people keep going I’ve never felt like a bigger failure or so low. I hope everything works out for you and Thankyou for reaching out.
@Mumtumtastic thankyou so much. I have definitely not put my self in this situation so they won’t find any of that I have paperwork from my old landlord so hopefully that will help a bit? I will defo get onto MP tomorrow as well and start making a fuss. 🤞 I can find one last bit of fight left in me.
Thankyou everyone for reaching out it means a lot xx

Best of luck with making that fuss OP! It must be such a strain managing that situation with the children. Just wishing you and all your family well…x

Do you or your partner work?

I’ve never felt as low either and I feel like a worthless failure . I’m struggling to carry on tbh so I know how you feel. I thought I’d at least have the support of my family whilst going through this but nope ex has fed them a load of lies and I’ve lost them too . Tonight is lowest I’ve felt and I’ve been here nearly a week but that’s mainly because I miss my children but apparently I’m a terrible bad mother . I honestly don’t care what happens anymore , if I’m run over by a bus tomorrow id be glad .
I really hope the council manages to sort something suitable out for you xx

OP how old is your child who has cancer? You should be eligible for a Young Lives Vs Cancer social worker who are fantastic at providing all sorts of support including allocating a social worker who will try to advocate for you. They have done some wonderful work with some of the patients I care for, and their families xx

Hi OP, I hope you’ve had a good day, it can’t be easy being so cooped up in someone else’s house with your children. I understand what you mean about the children not being able to be themselves, we’ve had this when we’ve had house guests staying, it just changes how much they feel able to relax and be themselves. I had some other advice and hopefully some of it might be useful for you.

So, as an ex-insider to the world of local authority housing /homelessness advice, is there anything you would like to ask me?

Couple of things, firstly they are really really REALLY not going to want to place you in emergency housing (ie b&b) or other temporary accommodation, as this will cost the council a lot for a big family and they will be doing all they can to avoid this. However this doesn’t change the fact that you are homeless and they have a duty to house you as your situation has broken down (and was never suitable in the first place, apart from as a very short term option). So the cost of placing you in temp is is why they are faffing around leaving you in an awful overcrowded stressful insecure and unsuitable housing situation while you bid on the system and are probably pushing with private rented route too. They are (desperately) hoping you will win a bid and get housed off the register, or get fed up where you are so you go get a private rental without a) incurring the high costs of emergency and temporary accommodation and b) being on their homeless stats. The cost especially as it is likely (I’m sorry to say) that you would most likely be in temporary accommodation for some time, as 4 beds are scarce and in high demand.

I think you should be placed in emergency accommodation and this is certainly what I would have done. Then you would be given another appointment to make a homeless application then your case worker starts investigating. If your homeless application is accepted and the council would accept its duty to house you. You and your partner and children would then wait in temporary accommodation until suitable housing came up (normally via bidding on the housing register) or they may try to get you to accept a private rental - this is less favourable as private tenancies are not secure like social housing tenancies. Only the first 6 months are protected (unless breach occurred like arrears or damage) then notice can be legally issued with no cause required.

The benefit of temporary accommodation to you is a) you are in their system and they will have to make a formal homelessness decision and based on what you’ve said here it’s likely you will be accepted.
b) the temp accommodation has to be suitable for your family size and affordable
c) if you have any issues with your temporary accommodation you have recourse to getting things sorted out eg if there was any issues with utilities or disrepair etc.
downsides are you don’t normally get a choice of where you are placed in temp and it might lack some facilities like a kitchen (but maybe have microwave/ toaster/ kettle set up - difficult to say as councils and their temp stock is all different.

In my local authority where I worked before they upped their game in private rents with a separate team to recruit landlords who were happy to take on people who were coming through the council. So they started offering a private rental as their ‘final offer’ of suitable housing, instead of a social tenancy. I thought this was pretty disgusting and an awful unethical practice as we all know private tenancies do not offer the same security and permanency as a social tenancy. However something to bear in mind and worth checking out if your local authority do this, as you might go through temp and end up with a private rental offer at the end stage.

If the council reject your homeless application you do have the grounds to appeal and can get independent advocation like SHELTER involved or other homeless charity if you have one in your area.

Oh and you can ring out of hours and be placed in emergency accommodation if you are made homeless (ie kicked out of where you are) after office closing. Out of hours staff are workers on an on call rota and we’d place families like you. That can be a foot in the door as you are already in emergency temp housing when you go to see them and they will normally have to drop the avoidance / prevention tactics and get straight to taking your homeless application.