All the ways CF people invite themselves…

[FemmeFemme]

Sporting event DH and I signed up for next year, will take most of the day and is in lovely outdoor surroundings (fingers crossed it’s dry on the day). MIL found out today, it falls on the month of her birthday.Immediate response: “That will be my next year’s treat trip with you”. We took her away this year and it was a disaster, she can’t walk any distance whatsoever and moaned about everything.

My plan is to book a hotel for two for the night before, it’s probably a wise thing to do anyway and “gift” it to DH as a surprise.

Other classics on hearing of any gatherings are “What time do you want me” and “I can’t be there before 5, but I come straight after X”:and “Oh, I will bring the dessert”.

Stop telling her things you're doing and let your husband deal with it.

Is she a CF or is she lonely and would like someone to proactively invite her places?

This is 20 years of material and when she typically invited herself, meant FIL would also be joining. They / her took position that their children should be their social life and make no effort to make own entertainment. We host for all family occasion but are barely offered a drink when visiting them. Meal in their house - less than 10 times in 20 years.

We took her away this year and it was a disaster, she can’t walk any distance whatsoever and moaned about everything.

Then you planned the wrong trip for her. Why did you plan something that involved loads of walking?

Get her a wheelchair or one of those wee scooters that seem to be so popular......

With people like this you are best not telling them your plans until after you have done it. We had a relative like this so we kept everything vague, so if we were asked, ‘what are you doing for XXXX’, we always answered ‘not sure yet’. We would get more digging fromher saying things like ‘you need to get yourselves organised’ etc, but we batted it all back with avoidance.
Every holiday/trip we went on we pretended was a last minute decision and would tell her about when we got back. We pretended we had embraced a taking each day as it comes approach to life.
In your situation, now she knows, I think you just need to be honest. That it’s an event just for you 2. That you are going to turn it into a romantic break and think of something alternative you can do with her to placate her. I know this type of person is not easily deterred!
It is CF behaviour from them, but I think people don’t understand unless they have lived everything they do being gatecrashed by someone!

Sadly, I agree with posters who say don't tell her what you're doing. I learnt this the hard way with my own mother. What i do is chat about her neighbours, the old days, the weather, her garden etc. I have learned what topics to avoid. I love her and her happiness is important to me, but certain subjects set her off.
I also take her out to parent friendly locations with easy access. I talked her into buying a wheelchair, which took some doing, but has been worth it as we've been able to have some adventures that she wouldn't have been able to manage on foot.

Annoyingly these people often don't know their limits either so will invite themselves to things they have no hope of being able to meaningfully participate in. Then sulk and expect others to limit their own day.