Anyone here have a partner who cheated? How did you find out the other person was cheating on you?

[Fransons]

I have a partner for 7 years. We are not married. We are engaged and he tried to rush me down the isle within a year but I slowed it down.

About 4 or 5 years ago, sex began to dry up between us. It was mainly from his side. He has no problem getting it up for masturbation but he won't or can't have sex with me. It's not like I let myself go. I didn't. I am still the same size size that I was all them years ago. If I say so myself I think I look better now. I used to wear trousers a lot before and now I am more feminine choosing to wear dresses more often. I even recently did my hair all different too. I did it for myself though. His equipment is working as far as I know. It's just not for me. I think maybe he might watch porn.

Lately he's working a lot. He does work in a bar and I think his employer is a piece of shit. They are understaffed apparantly and it's all falling back on my partner. Or that's what I am led to believe. 13/14/15/16 hour days sometimes with him. Sometimes only getting one day off a week.

We never date any more. We sleep separately. I asked him last month if he wanted to join me and he made his excuse and I haven't asked him since then.

It's just after hitting me that maybe he's cheating on me. Maybe someone from the bar. He works in a different village and I do know one of his locals in the bar. She's an ex wife of one of my uncles. She's not well in the head. She always cheats and she only ever goes for married men because there's some sort of a mental disorder I reckon where her ego is fulfilled when she has a married man and someone else's marriage to wreck.

I know I said I am not married to my partner but it is a long term relationship. He works in the local of that home wrecker person.

Now I am thinking if he's cheating on me. I mean like employment laws are being broken left right and centre and he's allowing it too.

What do you guys think?

This sounds just like a relationship I was in 10 or so years ago, down to the job, my appearance and sex stuff. I later found out either that the reason or the symptom was cocaine. It’s rife in the bar industry after hours. Could this be it?

He was always dead set against drugs. Always. I really don't think he's taking drugs. I know drugs when I see it.

If he was taking drugs surely he would get those dreadful hangovers from drugs where you can't function. He doesn't have that face of being a drug user. Cocaine users have sunken faces.

Definitely not drugs.

I think you need to have a conversation. I'm not saying that any of the things you think are happening aren't happening, but at the moment the relationship, including all the explanations for problems, seems to exist mostly in your head. You are barely seeing each other, sleeping apart, not talking, not having sex.

I think sitting down together and trying to work out if you actually still want to be together would be the first step.

The porn usage is absolutely real and I now sometimes wonder if he's cheating. He's always working. Apparantly starting at 9 am and still working at 10/11/12 at night. That's not right. I think he's cheating on me.

What I don't get is why on earth would he half assed keep things going with me?

Unfortunately not every drug user gets a hangover (normally called a comedown) so bad they can't hide it - he could just be hiding it. And sunken faces isn't really a thing unless in extreme cases. Essentially, you wouldn't be able to tell with most people if they had done it the night before.

My first thought as well.. cocaine.

My sister-in-law ended up telling me that my ex-wife was cheating on me. Apparently, she caught my ex wife down in the basement with her husband‘s best friend.