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Very hurt family haven't come to see new baby

35 replies

RevelryMum · 12/10/2024 14:05

I'm a FTM to a 17 week old and grew up an only child to a single mother as a result I was extremely close to my aunts uncles and cousins growing up . Some of my cousins 2 especially were more like brothers to me. We bought our first house 2 years ago and had our 1st dc this year ,only one cousin who I consider a brother has come to see her nobody else and nobody has ever been to our house , we all get along there is no family drama or reason for it , they all live about an hour and half away and my 2 uncles and their wife's are retired. I'm very hurt . I have spent years showing up for everyone else for weddings and babies christenings any big family events I ALWAYS traveled to them without fail and with the exception of one cousin nobody else has come to see her , I think I'm so hurt because they all mean so much to me but I obviously don't to them , is it to much to ask that the take a few hours out of one weekend to call and see us ? I don't think I'm being unreasonable am I ?

OP posts:
LeontineFrance · 12/10/2024 14:51

They are mostly blokes. Most blokes don't do the nice stuff. Just invite them with loadsa nosh and invite them. They'll come.

MargaretThursday · 12/10/2024 14:52

alcoholnightmare · 12/10/2024 14:35

Could it be a case of you FELT that they were like siblings, but to them, you were definitely a cousin?
My husbands cousin feels so close to my husband and his siblings, but they have each other, so don't feel the same way in return.

Also, you've said you always make effort to attend christenings etc, I think that's quite normal, but the expectation to pop in and see you (a three hour trip away) on a random Tuesday isn't the same thing as a big family event.

That's what I was thinking.

You, as an only child, felt like they were the nearest to siblings to you.
They had their siblings and then they had their cousin (you).

And I would have been far more likely to rush round all excited if one of my cousins had had a baby before I had mine than afterwards. Partially because a new baby felt far more exciting then, partially because having been a new mum I then knew that visiting, whereas can be lovely, also sometimes felt a bit much and also once I had my own dc it took far more to go round, and also it felt much more like an invasion when I was bringing my family than just me.

So it's not not them being mean, it just different circumstances.

And you have a choice. You can cut them off, refuse to invite them, not send photos.
But they won't mind that much, even if they notice. They've got each other, so I suspect it will be pretty much unnoticed.
So the only person you're hurting is you.

Alternatively you can put some effort into keeping the relationship alive. Phone them, tell them you would love to see them, when can they come? Or could you come to them if it's easier? The emphasis is you would like to see them not you think they ought to see your baby.
It's your relationship with them that you value, and they may develop a relationship with your baby if you keep up with them.

NewName24 · 12/10/2024 14:56

Have you invited them?
Oh yes of course !

So, you had a housewarming, invited them, and no-one came?

There is a HUGE difference between saying "You're welcome to pop in" and "We'd like everyone to come over next Sunday, so you can all see the new house - come anytime from 11 and I'll do a buffet lunch" or "We're having a house warming on Saturday. Hope you can come. Bring the dc"

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NewName24 · 12/10/2024 14:58

RevelryMum · 12/10/2024 14:27

Thank you yes I've decided to only have grandparents and godparents at the christening as I don't want to be left in a situation of all my DPs family showing up and none of mine I don't want it to ruin the day

How daft.

You've said you "went to their dcs' Christenings"; you are moaning about them not having seen your house or met your baby; yet here you are with a social occasion that lends itself to seeing them all, and you choose not to ask any of them Confused

Jinglesomeoftheway · 12/10/2024 14:59

This is awful @RevelryMum, I'd be so hurt. I think it's definitely down to family to come and make the effort to see you ❤️. So many posters are justifying it but they should totally have come round to see you.

Side note, I've found in the past male relatives are far more useless coming to see my kids than female

BananaSpanner · 12/10/2024 15:21

So you haven’t specifically invited them to an event, are upset they haven’t travelled an hour and a half on the off chance you’ll be in and the one specific event you do have coming up, you’re not going to invite them to?
YABU.

NurtureGrow · 30/01/2025 11:14

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

NurtureGrow · 30/01/2025 13:08

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

PassingStranger · 30/01/2025 14:25

HundredMilesAnHour · 12/10/2024 14:11

You're a first time mum right? I think YABU. Your baby is the centre of your universe but she isn't the centre of everyone else's. People have lives.

That's rude.

Does having a life mean you can't visit family then?

NurtureGrow · 30/01/2025 14:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

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