know any good ones??

[Titania]

i need cheering up please!!!

Sweetheart I don't 'cos I'm a sad old cow, but apart from needing cheering up are you bearing up OK? XXXX

Paddy and Murphy crashed their plane in the middle of the jungle and were stranded. After sitting around for a few hours they both started feeling hungry.
Paddy says "I can smell a bacon tree can you"
"No, I can't smell anything" replies Murphy.
"Well I can, I can definately smell a bacon tree"
"There's no such thing as a bacon tree. Now shut up"
Paddy is insistant that he can small a bacon tree and flounces off into the jungle to find it.
Hours later he returns covered in bruises and bleeding heavily.
"What on earth happened to you?" asked murphy.
"I was wrong" replied Paddy.
"It wasn't a bacon tree it was a hambush"

i dont know tbh carla

You may have heard this before.
A guy goes to the doctors with a large spot forming in between his eyes.
The guy says to the doctor "Doctor I've got a spot in between my eyes which seems to be getting bigger" The doctor has a look and says very casualy " Ah yes, you seem to be growing a penis on your head"
The guy replies "A penis OMG" The doctor says "Yes, and it will grow to a full size penis"
The guy very shocked says "So when I look in the mirror now, all I will see a penis in between my eyes?" The doctor replies "Oh no you won't because the balls will be hanging over your eyes"!!!!!
Hope that wasn't too rude for this time of day!