Hurt and disappointed

[HSB2]

Not sure where to begin , just hurting physically and mentally at the moment .
just had surgery again for rectification after breast cancer 3 times . Had 3 ops in 12 months and I’m exhausted .
My husband has gone away for the weekend 10days after my surgery . When he planned it I pointed out that dates and he didn’t seem
concerned. I’ve been really poorly this time and although our kids are grown we have two dogs who can be a handful . They can have moments where the little one kicks off and they fight and we have to separate them.
This happened this morning and I’ve really hurt myself and probably torn internal stitches again.
I’ve rang my daughter to come and help me but I’m so upset that my husband would leave me so poorly and expect me to cope while he catches up with friends on a boozy weekend .
it’s not the first time he’s been elusive when I’ve been ill and we talked about it but I feel like I don’t matter, that he does what he wants anyway. Am I being unreasonable to have expected him to stay ?

YANBU. I'm really sorry that he's so uncaring. Would he come home if you told him you're hurt?

I would take the time to consider a future without him in it.

What did you say to him regarding him going?

I've had a breast reduction and I think being alone 10 days after surgery is fine - but I appreciate you feel different so maybe you need to voice it clearly to him?

I’ve had major complications including mastectomy and implant ruptures and each time I’ve had major infections, in fact a few years ago I nearly lost my life. The consultant said to ensure success this time not to do anything for two weeks minimum and I’ve already had to have more antibiotics and pain killers. I’m quite a tough lady having coped 20years with numerous ops but maybe I’m just warn out with it all 😢

It's not a reduction it's cancer surgery.

@notatinydancer

I thought it was breast reconstruction surgery - which has similar recovery rates to reduction.

Either way OP, if you feel unloved / unsupported you need to have it out with your husband. There are 2 possibilities:

1. He doesn't realize how unsupported you feel.
2. He doesn't care.

I'm getting the impression from what you've written that he doesn't care, in which case I guess you need to decide what to do with that information.

On a side note, is there any particular reason you're trying for reconstruction's / implants when they're causing so much grievance? I've already decided if I get breast cancer I'll have a double mastectomy and leave it at that - there's a few instagramers who do fashion tips for post mastectomy. Ultimately it's a personal choice but I'm sure you can look beautiful without breasts