Those of you with Autistic girls, how did you know?

[wulves]

I’m in my 40s and late diagnosed autistic, no hope in hell of my parents noticing anything even if autism was known in girls back then. I was just wondering what signs you saw when they were still small that made you wonder or know your daughter is autistic?

I have two and the tells were there, but they were so very different. It's quite varied among girls.

Slow in development as a very young child. Found it difficult to form friendships with other children. She would run around the playground at school and play with anyone available nearby but didn't make any consistent friendships until she was about 9 or 10. Gets overwhelmed easily and explodes over things most people would see as minor, for example being served something she doesn't like on her dinner plate.

Lots of quirks when little but nothing that couldn't be brushed off as being an only child.

Very advanced academically, can do complicated maths on paper and uses very complex English skills when writing - but also still uses fingers for multiplication and can't spell outloud, forgets multistep instructions, needs a minute to process things but will give an excellent answer when given chance. Struggles to do anything from own imagination paint / creative writing but is fantastically skilled from a technical POV. Takes sayings literally until you explain them "Pull your socks up". Never, ever displays challenging behaviour, rarely tantrummed but retreats into herself and requires lots of downtime. Has had one consistent good friend since the age of 3 and the occasionally add to their little group.

The real tell-tale sign was when she couldn't cope with the school environment on the move to secondary, she always been sensitive to noise but not like hand dryers is pretty normal for a toddler, not so normal for a 13 year old.

More importantly we have a family history of people who have struggled to thrive throughout living memory being diagnosed with XYZ but with the current understand of autism their symptoms actually match a more internal presentation of autism commonly known as girls autism but isn't restricted to girls. My DBro is very similar to DD couldn't cope at school became a school refuser diagnosed with social anxiety in the 00s but actually has significant sensory needs etc particularly as a tot.

No diagnosis here I’m so only suspicion but the reasons are:

Sensory- Extremely picky eating, sensitive about clothing materials, doesn’t like loud noises

Special interests - this is mostly to do with watching tv series over and over

Melt downs - extreme tantrums/inability to cope emotionally at way too old an age for this to be terrible twos.

Anxiety - sleeping in parent’s bed until age 11, too scared to move out before then. Anxious about school/new situations/doesn’t really enjoy holidays. Some of the big melt downs were at the school gate going in in years 4 and 5.

also has dyslexia - I think they can be correlated.

Also late talking and potty training

no issues with friendships, eye contact, hugs etc

Oh my parents noticed, they just didn't do anything about it. Our GP recommended seeing someone about my trichotilomania when I was four ish but my parents said no. Had they taken me, I would have been diagnosed then, not at 32 🙄

My daughter is 8 and here is some of the things I noticed.
Labels in clothing, seams being irritating.
Food having be plain and not touching, texture of something to touch or taste being unbearable for her.
Loud noises like a shopping centre or fireworks, strong smells like cooking certain food or farm making her upset with sensory overload.

i hope this helps it’s so hard as girls mask a lot so acting like all is ok at school then being upset and panicking at home as she didn’t understand something in class.

I am autistic and I have three autistic girls. We all have very different presentations.

Maybe the one we all have is self stimulatory behaviours that my NT dd very obviously does not have.

My youngest autistic dd has always been academically advanced and I think it's one of her signs so development is not really a way to tell.

I first asked teachers about it when she was 4 because she would cry for hours about the seams on tights, pants etc. Her emotions seemed to be bigger than those of other kids, but we only saw it at home. She would appear to play imaginatively but basically would act out, often literally word for word, episodes of eg Peppa Pig or Paw Patrol, getting very distressed if a play partner didn't follow the script.

I asked again when she was 7 because she told me about feeling like she wasn't like other people. She took phrases like "try your best" extremely literally and thought it meant "try the absolute best anyone has ever done, going without sleep and food to achieve it" over things like a weekly spelling test. We noticed that she felt extreme empathy, but it's like a cognitive empathy (as in she understands the feeling that other people will be feeling which result in her experiencing huge guilt) but she cannot name emotions which was very distressing for her. At aged 7 she did not understand that anyone else was a proper person who existed outside of her and her life, she would get furiously angry that she wasn't in our wedding photos etc.

At aged 10 the school refusal started as the social demands grew bigger. She didn't grow out of some things that most of us are conditioned out of (she used to help with lost property at the end of term by sniffing all the jumpers, normal at 5 not so much in Year 5 or 6) I noticed that she linked EVERY SINGLE conversation back to Harry Potter - I hadn't twigged it as a special interest before. Like literally "what's your favourite food", "chocolate frogs". Also a coping strategy to get the conversation onto her own terms I guess. She was diagnosed at aged 11.

I had no idea until when DD1 was 8 or 9, in the late 1990s, a colleague of her father's suggested it and I took her privately to an experienced professional to have the diagnosis confirmed or excluded. She was very academically able with terrible behavioural problems but what was then called Asperger syndrome hadn't occurred to me. An educational psychologist recommended by the school had already dismissed her as "intelligent and understimulated". I think she would have been diagnosed much earlier nowadays.

Willing to be the 'NT' one is not NT when every other female in the family is ND.

Same with mine. They also never had any regressions, as most people seem to expect.

I am late diagnosed as well, however looking back there were signs, shy, anxious, school avoiding, lived in my own world ect, (day dreamer).

My DD 9 is currently thought to be undiagnosed ASD/ADHD. Problems at school, with making friends, anxiety, meltdowns. Impulsive, anger, frustration, always on the move, food issues ect.
However she is a fantastic masker, and when calm can be fantastic to be around, she also has a very strong sense of justice, observation skills, funny ect.

unless you are familiar with ASD ect in girls you probably wouldn't think her issues are due to possible ASD ect. Putting it down to being strong willed, high engery, naughty, Anxiety, rudeness, bossy And need more discipline.

We are working with the school towards a correct diagnosis for her. It's a long process due to her ability to mask.

I started the process in year 2 and dd finally got her diagnosis in year 6 (end of). Her school wouldn't have pushed for it but I knew there was a barrier to her learning and just something.

As a baby she wasn't really smiley. Toddler would go on ride and be straight faced sometimes looking like she would cry - she'd come off it you'd ask her if she like it and she's go yes and want to go straight back on it.

Slow to process instructions, I remember her being 6 her cousin 2 and the younger cousin would do the instruction first.

Ok with friendship but would be reluctant to play with other children on the park/ holiday - "as why I'm not going to see them again"

I did a sensory profile and it didn't highlight too much - she doesn't like loud noises, gets anxious and fearful if knows fire alarm is going to happen. Some sensitivity with clothes - tight around middle but nothing around neck.

She has been diagnosed as AuDHD - though ADHD mainly inattentive. Doesn't need support in school, so far, had a bit of ELSA previously in primary and a visual timetable .

Dp is autistic and he got diagnosed first as he saw a lot of himself in dd. I'm also thinking of going along the diagnosis pathway. As although if I do have ASC it would be different to both dd and dp I do think I have many of the female traits and looking at childhood etc, signs were there.

This is my daughter to a tee- less the dyslexia, late talking and we've managed to keep her out of our bed most but not all nights. What age is yours now and how is she doing? We are year 3 and school refusal is bad at the minute, started seeing a play therapist.

A lot of sensory issues that showed up around aged 2, and got worse not better. Tantrums got worse from age 3 onwards rather than getting better.
Huge anxiety and a need to control her environment.
But really it was lots of little things that took a while to piece together and the comments of nursery staff and teachers to help me see it.

My daughter is almost 4 and was diagnosed earlier this year but I knew from her being about a year old. She had a big regression at about 10 months old, went from playing with toys to showing no interest. Could clap her hands etc, follow very basic instructions and would babble words and this just all of a sudden stopped.
She was a very late walker (21 months), didn't crawl at all, unhealthy interest in one tv programme and she is still non verbal. She is sensitive to noise and doesn't like busy/crowded places.
She is amazing though, has a cheeky personality and is at nursery and developing really well now! x

With hindsight:
Off the scale sleep issues.
Strong preferences for fibres, colours and feels of clothing in minute detail from toddler hood (despite fine with almost all foods).
Intense separation anxiety at transition times.
Transitions and changes in general, even if no separation involved.
Overwhelm in busy environments such as school.
Heightened anxiety around choice.
Not understanding certain phrasing, figures of speech, idioms or inference through tone or context: often no recollection of what she'd just heard. Language needing to be precisely crafted to ensure comprehension and expected response:
"Could you get your shoes on?"
"Yes (not putting shoes on, continues playing with cat).
"Eh? I just asked you to put your shoes on ‐why aren't you doing it?"
"(bewildered) You didn't; you asked if I could put my shoes on."
as an example of early figuring this out, and a source of initially thinking we had a smart-mouthed, wilful pre-schooler on our hands which definitely didn't help. She really didn't see that what was said = "Get your shoes on." In all areas.

This did lead us to think, for many misguided years, that DD was just stubborn and digging her heels in at times when we now realise she wasn't; she literally wasn't able to do or understand what was asked of her, and we've had to forgive ourselves as parents for trying to 'push' too hard for those things, thinking she'd just have to crack on with whatever it was: birthday parties, clubs, days out etc.

On assessment pathway since 10 (referral by school ‐we weren't sure, as sociable and articulate), finally assessed at 13 in crisis, now at ease with diagnosis. Our parenting adjustments must seem weird to some, but as long as they work for DD1 and feel fair to DD2, we're good.

My 26 yo daughter has just been referred for assessment. I have an already diagnosed 13 yo son where it was completely obvious he had autism from a very early age. Daughter I didn't notice at all. She wasn't flagged at school, she just got on with things. Looking back she wasn't cuddly or affectionate and had a coolness about her. Lots of sensory and food issues. Huge meltdowns that came out of nowhere. These didn't become obvious to me until my son was diagnosed and I did a lot of courses. I feel very guilty. To say she presented differently to my son would be an understatement.

Mine was diagnosed at 14 after being really down, lacking motivation and being very tearful.
She actually asked me to take her to the GP as she felt so low. Our GP, who was amazing, called it straight away and referred her to CAMHS.

In hindsight.
She struggled socially with her peers, failing to make friends.
She hated change, for example, if we were heading out for a meal, she'd create so much fuss that we'd end up abandoning the plan and come home.
She would request the same food everyday for weeks and on X day would say she hated that and would move onto another food.
She struggled to sleep.
She struggled with the rigidity of school rules, which caused some hoo ha along the way 😬

Adding:
Sensory seeking behaviour (super-spicy foods which would be intolerable to most adults, chewing on ice-cubes, food through straws etc)
Picking at hair, skin, nails etc
Struggling to attend school
A tendency towards compulsive ritual forming behaviours which we have to watch carefully

I was 35 when I was diagnosed. Mum thought I was just quiet.

Because of this I've had dd on the waiting list two years. She's more social than me though.

With dd1, it was very obvious from about age 3 because she never played imaginitively with dolls house type toys - i remember at Christmas specifically when she was about 3½ she got a large princess castle with little figures and thrones, furniture etc. And she just did not know what to do with it at all!

She's bright and from about 3, it emerged that she is very, very artistic so she was great at crafts and drawing but not dressing up or playing pretend games.

She was very practical too - no fantasy play or silliness.

And then as a teen - so obvious. She had friends but they'd do bowling and cinema. She never did teenage parties, never experimented with alcohol, never went to concerts. Never did anything that teens do. For a bright girl (straight A student) she seemed young socially at 16/17.

DD2 was less obvious as she was a very girlie girl. In fact she's just getting assessed now at aged 17. She did play with dolls and dress up as a child. She sailed through primary but was insecure in friendships. She did have friends and loved sleepovers etc but never a best friend to share secrets with.

Again, high school it fell apart big time. DD2 (unlike dd1 who was very secure in herself) did want to be like other teens so she did do the make up, clothes etc. Did go to a few parties (very few!) but she hated high school. And it wasn't so much the work - it was the poor discipline in classes. DD2 is not academic. She's bright enough but definitely not in the very bright A stream university lot. When i was at high school, i too was in an average middle stream and i found the mucking about hilarious. But dd did not at all.

The lack of control unsettled her. She found pals in the drama group but never liked hanging about in big groups of peers at weekends. She preferred one friend at a time.

The masking she was doing caused migraine headaches. Eventually it all got too much and she took an overdose aged 16. Just a cry for help, rather than a serious attempt to end her life (8 paracetamol taken) She did stay at school and take her exams, and did well. But now has moved to FE college where she is much happier on a practical course.

She definitely struggles with group teen friendships, and understanding the rules within girl groups. Girl groups (as any NT girl knows!) can be based around gossiping and laughing at people outside your group. But inside your group, you trust those in it to keep your secrets. DD never really trusted those in her group and hated that the group was based around making drama out of others' lives!

But that is the fun of being a girl isn't it. Even women do like a bit of gossip!

I have suspected I have autism and ADHD for some time and seeing these lists of issues just confirms it even more in my mind but I am 51, I am certain my GP is not going to take me seriously, I mean, at 51 surely someone, somewhere would have picked this up by now? I have always been told all of my issues are anxiety related but it goes so much deeper than that, I have struggled with so many aspects of my life since early childhood, everything about living has felt alien to me.

Dd was non verbal at 2 and went into the diagnostic pathway then. Was other pointers to delays too. She was 4 when she gained language