Why am I so lonely, and how can I change it?

[lonelyafterwork]

I live alone; early 30s (female). I have a few good friends although no particularly close friends nearby. I have a few closer friends much further away. I have a huge family, one sister I speak to daily, lots of cousins and aunts and uncles. I’ve lost my relationship with my mum (she’s very unwell) and no relationship with my dad.

I work full time, I’ve got hobbies and I usually have stuff to do at the weekends.

But when I’m on my own at home, I’m always horrendously lonely. I hate not having someone to share dinner with, cuddle up to at night, someone else to choose a TV show or put the kettle on, someone to chat to at night.

My landlord won’t allow pets or I’d get a dog, I have seriously considered asking again but I’m on a 6 month tenancy and I don’t want to jeopardise it as I like my house and to be honest, can’t afford to move right now.

I ultimately want to be in a relationship, but I’m scared I’ve left it too late. I’m not very attractive - fat - and I just think I’ve missed any chance of ever finding someone. I had a bit of a FWB thing a few months ago and another for a year or so before that but never a serious committed relationship. I wouldn’t know where to start.

How do I beat feeling so alone? It’s getting me down if I’m honest, I’m often tearful in the evenings.

Could you get a temporary housemate or is that against your tenancy?

Definitely against, plus I’ve only one bedroom unfortunately.

Definitely have a look for groups on Facebook, you'll be surprised to see that there are many in the same situation.

Have you tried downloading Bumble BFF? It's the same as the dating app but for friendship not a relationship.

Volunteering locally at certain places could also help, as well as joining classes that you're interested in - that way you'll meet people with the same hobbies.

It will get better :)

Do you love your job? If you don't could you look for a more social job? Somewhere you're more likely to meet a partner?

Hi I don’t know if you are sporty but do you have a rowing club nearby. The reason I say this is as a novice rower you end up training and the ratio of men to women is good. And it is really social. Other sports good but from experience rowing will thrust you into a big social mix as well as get fit. Good luck

You can't get over this type of loneliness, just lean into it.

You can settle relationship wise
You can get more hobbies
You could try the pet thing or do borrow my doggie

Get out of the house even if it's just a walk

Fill your time with fun interesting activities and put effort into developing friendships. Life is too short to dwell on what we don't have, so focus on what you do.

Online dating?
If you feel your weight is a factor, join Slimming World or a local health and fitness group.
Widen your social circle, go to events you wouldn’t normally attend, join a choir, a rambling group, litter picking, reading group.
Volunteer - I became an Age Concern befriender and I was amazed at how many people I met through that, or become a Gig Buddy.

I would say for health reasons lose some weight plus moving around is very good for what’s going on inside your head. I belong to some hiking groups, all women and mixed groups, start maybe there, they are very social. Facebook has them some are gentle walks and some are hardcore.

When I left home I lived in shared houses, I met loads of interesting people. Do people house shares less these days? Especially after education has finished ?

Borrow My Doggy scheme would let you walk other peoples dogs.

I find having the radio on is a game changer. And doing dance workouts, not even high intensity ones are a good way of passing physical activity and are fun rather than sit on the sofa and watching TV.
There is something to be said for cats to chat too but that's not an option right now
I like being alone as I can do things to my own timetable, I don't know how I'd fit in partner as well.

Fill your time so you don't leave time to feel lonely

Good, nutritious food - it's easy not to bother if preparing food for just you. Have the radio or podcast on while you cook.

I would work on the weight in order to increase your confidence and health so would add a dance workouts - or something more intense if you are up for it in the evening.

Not attractive - well you can't change your bones but a good hair cut, skin care, nails well kept even if you don't use make up goes along way and doesn't cost loads - do it for yourself though, after the workout take up some of the evening time with self care, even if it's a shower, clear nail varnish, body moisturised and feet treated.

Read a book - get into the habit of getting rid of the screen

Good sleep habits so go to bed at a decent time.

All of this will reduce your stress, increase your confidence and either help you attract a partner as you are taking care of yourself or help you to accept singledom for all it's benefits

How are you keeping?😃