Poor thread benefits

[Ahhhgrophobia]

I am awake due to stomach pains from a UTI and am waiting to speak to the GP in the morning because I was fobbed off by NHS24.
off the back of the recent poor thread I’m not sure what I’m asking or saying but my mother was a single mother, had 5 children to 3 different dads and had a string of relationships even after that that were introduced to us and moved in with us if she left one relationship she’d soon have another and they all progressed very quickly and throughout my childhood she was also unemployed and always has been my dad was also unemployed and has never had a job the most of a job he’s had was illegal busking for a period he is autistic and was highly masking so mum didn’t realise and now I am also autistic because it is genetic. I have so many mental health issues now which I am getting help for but I have that many and they are so severe that I also can’t work and don’t know if I ever can because of the way my autism effects me. my whole life has been funded by benefits I just feel shame and have self esteem issues because of it I don’t know how to get out of the cycle

I don’t work at all I have severe mental health issues and am autistic I am working with agencies to get skills because I don’t have qualifications and I’m working with a tutor to get them I think I am just extremely tired and feel hard done by in my circumstances I know this might make others very angry but autism is genetic it isn’t fair that a life limiting disability has been inflicted onto me I don’t think autistic people should be allowed to have children I had it severely when I was younger and have suffered because of it with mental health issues my whole life there’s only so much others can do to accommodate autistic people only so much that outside factors can change I am still severely effected by it even with all the help I get and I am articulate and considered “higher functioning” but I don’t believe I am functioning

If you have severe mental health issues maybe you should concentrate on managing them

i would recommend volunteering as a first step towards work.

I am and nothing I do is ever enough I am still severely impacted even with expensive counselling and specific help for my mental health problems funded by social services I have agoraphobia at this point and I am 19 and have had it for about 2 years since I was just about 17 I feel like I have gone through too much and it’s really hard to imagine that things can realistically get better when despite every coping mechanism I have put in place something always goes wrong or it isn’t enough and I still don’t cope I am awake because I got fobbed off by NHS24 for my UTI and I have to phone at 8am for an appointment

I feel like I am a scrounger I feel like scum I feel I insignificant and like there is something about me that means everyone else is better than me and their family must’ve done something right if they can socialise and function enough to have a job I feel like they worth more than me I just feel worthless and like I have to fake it I tried to socialise with a neighbour and they asked me personal questions i just lied it felt humiliating what does your mum work as do you have a job no I’m crippled by anxiety I just pretend I WFH on my laptop but my entire life has been funded by benefits and I have no skills or qualifications because I didn’t engage with school due to mental health it is so degrading my mum would tell me she used to work and she’d change her story as to what she worked as but when I learnt about he Younger years I doubt she’s ever worked at all if she has I’d be surprised she’s just lied so much. I feel so failed that I need so much support because I didn’t get it when I was younger and that even with that support I can still barely function and that I have been so impacted by what I went through and it still impacts me now

Utis are awful, you must be feeling really under the weather. I think you need to find another way to distract yourself for the next three hours until you can phone the doctors. Could you put on a movie or something and leave the big problems for when you are feeling better?

It sounds like you have a lot of challenges. Carrying this feeling of shame, or worrying about what people think of you, isn't going to improve your life - which is all that should really matter to you.

Amongst all this, in a few posts you've told us that you have advocated for your health, you have realised the help you got was substandard, you have a plan for your next step and get the help you need. That you have put yourself out of your comfort zone to chat to a neighbour, despite being agoraphobic. That you are getting help for your mental health issues. These are all actions of someone who is able to push past discomfort and make things better.

Right now you don't know if work is in your future or not and neither do I. But I don't think you should focus on that as your measure of worth. I can see bravery in the face of hardship - that's a quality too. Right now, you are going to wait out the next few hours and then speak to the doctors.