I just don't have the time

[Myloveallmine]

I appreciate we all have busy lives but I feel like I'm completely failing to keep up.

My DP is out of the house at 5.30am every morning and finishes anywhere between 4 and 8pm. I work normal office full time hours. It feels like the dishes are always piled in the sink, the washing bags are full and I'm never on top of the cleaning. Every time I try and get things done my 3 Y/O needs me. I got so frustrated with him earlier and ended up shouting at him completely needlessly. I've just sat down and broken down in tears and he looks worried. It makes me feel awful. I'm 4 stone overweight because I turn to chocolate to self sooth.

I've tried to ingrain healthier habits like getting up early to exercise, taking time to clean areas of the house throughout the week and making a healthy diet plan but it all feels hopeless. Tonight I'm supposed to be making a veggie Bolognese but it feels like there's still so much to do and DP isn't home yet. Why does it all feels so hard?

Cos it is hard.

I'm a single mum but I've gone part time even though I can't afford it to try and keep afloat.

Just tell your 3 year old you are very sorry for shouting at him, and you are upset with yourself and give him a big cuddle and read him a story or something. It's hard and stressful and sometimes you get it wrong, is there anything your OH can do to be home by 4 everyday? 5:30 till 8 is a very long day for you.

Because it is hard. Please don't feel like it's you personally. Parenting and keeping on top of the house and child is hard work.

Try to be realistic about what you can do. How about cooking one in three days. On the first day cook but cook twice as much and freeze the second batch. On the second day have a ready meal and on the third day use what you've frozen.

Try only having healthy snacks in the house. Even celery is sweet and if you binged on that it would be totally fine.

Thank you, this is what I did 🙂

Unfortunately he's a driver so very much depends on the run he's given and traffic. I guess I just wondered if others had tips for keeping on top of it all x

I think it's the not knowing which days are going to be short/long which is the issue. Sometimes I'll make something Sunday night which lasts until Wednesday. Then I'll plan to batch cook Wednesday night but not sure when DP is back so it can be tricky.

I wouldn't recommend trying to keep on top of it all tbh. Your child won't be 3 forever and it gets easier as they get older (in terms of the amount of time you need to be with them). Also there's plenty of time to think about weight management etc in the future. Focus on healthier habits as they'll probably make you feel better.

In terms of how I keep on top of things is I have a flexible WFH job and do things like laundry in the daytime. Not possible for everyone though

Take a breath OP.

My advice, and you may want to virtually punch me in the face, but baby steps.

Tomorrow, not today, if you can, put a laundry load in the machine before you go out, don't turn on.

Go to work.

Come home and multitask, meaning, put laundry on to wash, use trips up and downstairs as exercise, race your 3 yr old up. Ask them to "help" put clothes away, back downstairs, bring any dirty washing with you.

Get your child a chair next to you washing up, give them a large plastic bowl with mostly bubbles and some spoons and plastic beakers to "wash"(play with bubbles).

Put the radio on, whichever music you prefer, sing and wash up together. It will take longer but you will be spending time with your toddler and getting something done

The laundry finished, hang it up or pyt it in the tumble dryer with toddler.

It's the only way I found that worked. Kids want your time. And you need to do things and want to be more physical and not get overwhelmed. So try, if you can, to combine as much together.

Everyone has a bad day, feels like you do.
It will be ok. Don't be too hard on yourself.

It is extremely hard. I’m a SAHM with a one year old and find it hard enough to keep on top of things as my son won’t let me get anything done. If I had a job as well I’d have no chance. I honestly don’t know how people have perfectly clean houses with young children.

You're being quite hard on yourself. I would suggest aiming lower!

For example, I wouldn't try to make any meals during the week that involve chopping / cooking. I don't mean eat ready meals but eat things you have previously batch cooked, omelettes, jacket potatoes with a variety of fillings, pasta with chorizo and jarred peppers or similarly easy toppings, stir fried ready chopped veg, that sort of thing.

Washing I would aim to do once a week, just have two laundry bags - one dark, one light and do max 4 big loads on a Saturday morning - e.g. dark, light, bed, towels on a quick cycle.

Keep life simple.

All the best.

Buy a dishwasher if you can, get a cleaner if you can!

It's so hard isn't it?! I don't know how anyone really keeps on top of things with young children. I have 4 yr old who has SEND and needs constant supervision so what I try to do is find something to tidy or clean in whatever room he's in at the time. Even if it's things like bringing the laundry basket with me and pairing socks while he's playing. The house is nowhere near immaculate but doing this helps me stay on top a bit

Using a slow cooker is how I manage cooking for an uncertain dinner time. I can keep the food warm easily. I also throw a few ingredients in the slow cooker at lunch time. My best hack is using a frozen soffitto bag (chopped onion, celery and carrot) as it sorts out the vegetable part of the meal and then add some meat like mince if I’m making a meat based meal.

I always feel laundry is my nemesis though.

Is there anything you can afford to outsource? Or invest in a drier , dishwasher etc.?

If not , what I found helps is dropping standards , a routine and some screen time.

Does your husband pull his weight at the weekend or on the days he is early ?Cleaning, laundry, cooking /meal prep for the week?

H puts washing machine load on before he leaves at 5.30am, it’ll be done before you get up and you can throw it higgledy piggedly over the airer before you go to work.

Agree with letting your standards fall while the kids are so very young but it really won't be long until you can clean the bathroom while they play quietly (ish).but the only thing I have done since they were babies is 1 load of laundry every day - wash and hang it out - fold the dry stuff and put away - use a dehumidifier in a smallish room to get it dry in 1 day and then try to clean 1 thing every day - what ever you have time for and then at the weekends husband takes kids for an hour and you clean then swop and he cleans for an hour - race through the jobs and don't try to be perfect

Could you maybe take a day off work and do loads of “dump bag” meals for the freezer. “Taming Twins” and the “batch lady” have recipes for these. Get them frozen and if you haven’t already invest in a slow cooker…..defrost the night before and pop in the slow cooker in the morning.

Agree with asking DH to switch on the washing machine in the morning when he gets up, you can pop it on the airer when you get up.
Most importantly ….. be kind to yourself and don’t try to do it all, let the things that don’t matter slide a bit. It gets easier.

Do you work from home at all? I've found I can keep on top of washing more during my work from home days. In the evening when my DD is asleep I try and do surface cleaning so things aren't building up. Friday nights and Sat mornings I will do a big clean of each room.

Make sure you have somewhere to put everything as previously I had so much clutter building up. Now everything has a home and I have a few nice storage boxes to out stiff that doesn't.

For cooking I found I have to re-evaulate what I consider a meal. So instead of making a lovely dinner every night I tend to go for things that I know can be done quickly (my DD is a fussy eater so she's quite easy to cook seperatly for). I will have a curry with micro rice, eggs on toast, stir fry etc. I then will make more home cooked meals when I have more time during the week and on weekends.

Does your DH do any housework? If he doesn't I would give hime a few things to do on his shorter days and at weekends.

Batch cook or do 2 meals then freeze. Cook double pasta, reheat. Always run dishwasher at night if you can. Same with washing. Get DH to do stuff too.

Then I'll plan to batch cook Wednesday night but not sure when DP is back so it can be tricky. Personally I'd just plan for him not to be there, and then if he is, it's a bonus and be ready to give him a list of stuff for him to do.

I would recommend the Batch Lady she is on you tube. I bought an Instant Pot for when I was in a similar situation. I like it better than the slow cooker, it is a modern version of a pressure cooker. Plus no need to stir ect You might find it helpful and you can get free recipes online.
Washing wise I would use the timer function so that a load is done say when you get in for work ect.
With your weight just start really small and only change small things over time they ll add up.
You are doing better than you think...