Was anyone else bullied at school and still find it affects you as an adult?

[Cathyhon]

I was bullied pretty much throughout the whole of secondary school because of the way I looked. Now as an adult, I have serious body/facial dysmorphia, and I’m pretty sure it’s because of what I was subjected to in secondary school. I’m constantly looking in the mirror all day at my flaws; some days I can’t even look in the mirror as it will just upset me too much.I’ve had quite a bit of plastic surgery but still feel the same way. I can’t look people in the eyes for too long as I’m worried they will start noticing things on my face. It affects my relationships with my friends as I’m scared to meet new people. I never had a boyfriend because I’m not happy with myself and wouldn’t want to put that burden on anybody else. I’m thinking about getting therapy but feel a little bit embarrassed as an adult that this is still affecting me in the way it is. If you were bullied growing up, does it still affect you now? I’d like to hear your stories.

And I know looks aren’t everything and people are beautiful in their own way, but it’s pretty hard to snap out of this mindset when your looks were the reason you got bullied.

Have a good day🩷

I was bullied in the sense of being excluded then included recurrently from social groups at secondary school.

At Uni I made friends for life and now have strong friendships..through having children, work.

I thought I had forgotten about my secondary school bullying.

However, when DD started at secondary and a very similar thing started to happen to her, I found I "shut down" and, to my shame, I found it almost impossible to help her.
It was like my brain hadn't forgotten at all and certainly didn't want to relive it.

I tried to help her but on the inside and in private, it felt like I was going through it again and I'd get very upset for both reliving it and not being the best Mum I could be because of it.

I told her that she would find her "tribe" and comforted her but I know I didn't deal with the situation in the way I actually wanted to.
Tbh the situation shocked me.

She's now 16 and very popular with a range of different friendship groups.

A counsellor friend explained that, as I never worked through or dealt with it at the time, the distress from my bullying is still buried in me.
The body never forgets.

Crikey, that was a rant!

I'm not sure how I'd handle the same thing happening to my DC to be honest.

It did affect me as an adult. I was bullied horrifically all throughout school. I will say that it's unlikely that your looks are bad, they just found your Achilles heel and stuck with that. You are none of the things they told you that you are.

5 years ago I had EMDR therapy for the trauma and it helped me enormously. I'd highly recommend it.

Always remember: It's them not you . If it wasn't you being bullied it would be someone else . They are the ones with a problem.

If it wasn't you it would have been someone else . They had the problem not you.

I'm so sorry your parents let you down so badly, you deserved so much more from them, sending you a hug x

Definitely.
i was bullied because i was bright, got good grades and was a bit of a swot. I stopped going to extra curricular activities because of bullying and left school immediately after ‘O’ levels just to escape the abuse.
I have had a happy life but it could have been very different if it wasn’t for the bullies. I’m still afraid to be myself or express ideas and have a fear of being bullied, jeered at and made fun of.

Bullied by my mother and sister, bullied through senior school. Bullied by work colleagues. I grew a hard shell to protect myself. If I get bullied now I shrink back into my shell and build feelings of revenge and resentment. People who meet me think I'm outgoing and confident but really I have a very standoffish nature. If anyone gets close I go back into my shell. I never stand up for myself or talk back. I go quiet and resentful. I don't think I've ever forgiven someone for even the smallest incident. I'd love to be able to not have a shell and to be free. I wish I could stand up for myself. I'm 60 now so I don't see anything changing

I was badly bullied for 2 years by a group of 4 girls. I can't believe that it was 30 years ago.I try not to think about it now as I always end up in tears. I have 2 daughters now and the thought of them going ever going through what I went through breaks my heart.
I wasn't like girls are now all confident and mature. I was awkward, very shy and probably quite naive about things. They took what little confidence I had and completely destroyed it. The thought of going in everyday thinking what am I going to have to put up with today. It was never physical abuse. It was always mental, looks, cruel words and comments and eventually being ostracised by the small group of girls so that I was completely on my own. Nobody would hang out with me or when it came to doing group work they wouldn't let me join in. It just that it went on for so long. I was completely and utterly miserable.
Long term effects are I don't have any real friends. Aquantices yes but true friends no. I find it hard to trust people and let my guard done. Also I am in a safe but boring job having let lack of confidence hold me back. I know I am capable of more but I have seen others promoted above me with less experience. So yes 100% bullying does have long term effects. Thankfully I never see any of them now. I could not cope with that. X

I was badly bullied all through school and it does still affect me but less than it used to now I'm a lot older. Over time I realised I wasn't fat, ugly, worthless etc but it did affect the choices I made then and even now.

I always expected the bullies to find me after I left school but none of them ever did. I realised that I was just a convenient target and they didn't actually hate "me", I was just a convenient kid to pick on as i was very sensitive and they knew I would not fight back. Dear God I wish I had.

A while back I overheard two women start being catty e.g. 'What on earth is she wearing ...' My stomach dropped and flight or flight set in and I was transported right back to how I felt at school when then other kids started to pick on me. I quickly realised they were discussing someone else but it was amazing how quickly those feeling ssurfaced all those decades later.

I would highly recommend counselling. The therapist will not judge you.

I was bullied for most of secondary school because I had really bad acne and because of the shape of my nose. It destroyed my confidence, in every lesson I had someone making remarks about my physical appearance, calling me ugly and it destroyed my confidence.

I just wanted to disappear.

My parents weren't brilliant when it came to helping me with my skin (for example helping me cover it up, taking me to the docs for medication etc).

I find it hard to take a compliment nowadays and am really self conscious of my appearance. Now I have a DD at secondary I'm trying to not repeat the mistakes my parents made and try and advise and help her with any issues that crop up.

I'm sorry for everyone who's experienced bullying, I really believe it stays with you and impacts the rest of your life in one way or another. Humans can be cruel.