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TW-Abortion

6 replies

mummabearto2 · 09/10/2024 10:07

Hello I had an abortion at the end of December last year. I wanted the baby but not with the man I was with. We had children together already and he was no help and I suffered with depression after and was on the brink of a break down. I know my kids will have trauma from the things they’ve heard and seen their dad do to me. He was very emotionally abusive, has cheated on me constantly was actually cheating whilst I had the abortion and left me with the children to go to a woman whilst it was happening. Anyway in my head that was my reason for the abortion, I didn’t want to hurt another child mentally, I didn’t want to ruin another childhood. I’ve left him now, I was with him for 10 years. Am I allowed to grieve and abortion? I feel like I shouldn’t but I cry most nights thinking about how I’d have a baby with me now if I hadn’t of done it and what they would be like. I feel like I made the right choice but have this deep feeling of regret. I could’ve loved it like I do my others. I have no one to talk to as I’m so ashamed I’ve not told a soul. Is it normally to feel this way? I feel like I’ve lost a baby that I chose to loose and it’s haunting.

OP posts:
ThursdaysMonkey · 09/10/2024 10:10

Oh sweetheart, of course it is OK to feel this way. You're allowed to grieve for decisions you made for the right reasons, even if the situation for you was wrong.
If you hadn't done what you did, you might still be trapped in that situation, but you have managed to get your children a better life. Congratulate yourself and also feel allowed to feel sad that you don't have a baby now.
Well done.

BloodOfTheRaven · 09/10/2024 10:12

Of course you can grieve for what might have been x

You should not feel shame, you did what was right for you at the time, and that takes guts and gumption.

mummabearto2 · 09/10/2024 15:44

Thank you for your kind words, they’re something I really needed to hear today x

OP posts:
heldinadream · 09/10/2024 15:49

Oh you poor poor love. You made a really difficult decision and then you left a bad relationship, you are brave and you are strong.
It's totally fine to grieve and indeed if you need to you must, because allowing yourself to grieve is one of the ways you will recover.
Please take very good care of yourself. 💞

BlaiseBaileyFinneganiii · 09/10/2024 15:49

Of course you can grieve. You did the best you could in a bad situation. You've been really brave putting yourself through this. Take as much time as you need.

SummerHouse · 09/10/2024 15:56

You did the right thing.
You are filled with regret.
These two things can both be utterly true. None of this is your fault and I am not sure you really had a choice anyway. Circumstances, trauma and that man took choice away from you.

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